solemn and not blue

to say that i love you is an understatement,
misrepresentation....
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
solemn and not blue,
i am worn at the seams like
an aged book,
peeled, cracked, used...
##############
I can read myself like my favorite novel,
skim words,
skip detail,
and know innately
how to re-write
and write
to right
each and every the chapter..
the characters,
always fill the
same voids
re-named to save
lives, lies and identities...
----------
how did i get here?
============
Again?
*****************
i've stopped running in sneakers, cuz i'm still not as swift as my last truthful thought.
and no matter how swift i may be, i can't chase you out my mind...
\\\\\\\\\\
not like i want to
//////////
what's a girl to do?
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

quiero, quiero ser frío

OVERHEARD - The ever changing weather in Texas. Everyone was basically discussing how blue they felt, since it was frigging 80 degrees earlier this week! "Weather affects my mood.. .."

Quiero, Quiero ser Frio
I want to be cleansed by the acrid mist.
I want to sluggishly plummet
from heartrending eyes.
Descend the break of rise
to fall upon nimbostratus cheeks…
I am drizzle.
I am humid moisture.
I want to float among the
grizzled sky and blackened
approaching night.
I am clouded.
I am numb.
I want to stand in the cold.
I want to freeze from the
inside out
outside and back
in again.
I don’t want to feel.
I am deadlocked.
I am an ambitiously
flummoxed struggle;
my wit and will
hinge frantically fraught
against the fraying strands
of hope and faith.
My frailties fragilely
failing my humanness.
I willingly
lay lifelessly against
my last straw.
Flimsy I know.
Lately and constantly,
I am easily broken.
I am smashing
thoughts against wreck and havoc.
I am a billion cracked raucous
expressions ravenously
searching it’s voice.
It’s whole.
It's being.
I am searching for me.
I am fully void.
Up till now I’ve had my fill.
I’ve had more than my share…
I am thunder,
silently.
I am rain,
drying.
I am love,
hating.
I am loathe,
adoring.
I am distraught feelings turning
their back against themselves.
I don’t want to think.
I don't want to hurt.
I want to stand in the cold.
Rip away clothing, skin, flesh and bones.
I am INVISIBLE!
Transparent.
I am exposing myself
my soul
for the very first time.
I am nakedly free.
I am a universe of inhibitions
gravitating to myself.
Attaching myself to
myself
orbiting a confused state of ponderance.
I am an explosion.
I am an implosion. .
I am a deceptive inception
of existence.
Momentary.
I know.
I want to stand in the cold.
I want to coil into fetal position
entreat and weep.
I want to sobbingly beg
in the tongue
of a forgotten apostle
or fallen angel.
I want to courageously betray all my heart knows.
I am a traitor,
treacherously and faithfully betraying.
Yet.
I want to pray.
I just don’t know how.
I am clouded.
I am numb.
I am pain.
I want to stand in the cold.
I don’t want to feel.
I want to be cleansed.
kdtaylor, 2009
Section 8 Coffee Publications
All Rights Reserved.

olive juice, hugs and kisses

after 231 hours and 18 minutes, I have hope stained sheets
and pillow top tears of memories past
I cling to a blanket which holds your fragrant scent, it continues to
mesmerize, linger and last
and I ask
is this what it means to have your nose wide open because my heart searched for you, my familiar notion
and your absence
despite my presence
remained in the air well into my first night without you.
the next morning, your essence was etched into the sky’s blue
but the sun scorched a coldness which in this lifetime I swore I’d never knew
I am chilled at the thought of miles and time
that separate me from my life line
seconds flow
yet, moments slow
and my world, my moon and my sun, orbit and spin
to a stand still
I am no longer convinced it has spun to spin out of control
but it is only you I want to hold
my arms ache from holding space which was once filled with you
I clutch to the curve, the bend, the fold of an hour glass
sand falls freely like memories past
flows like your blood bumping thru our veins
causing my heart to beat
flows like your breath filling our lungs
allowing me to breathe
flows like your thoughts occupying my mind
and it’s only our dreams I speak of
flows like your pains that slip from our lips
when I am asking for prayers from the Lord above
I clutch to the curve, the bend, the fold of an hour glass
sand falls freely like memories past
it’s been 231 hours and 22 minutes and counting,
since I last felt your heartbeat next to mine
and I ask myself , am I losing time or am I losing my mind
cuz’ I ‘m drowning in the sand
that has fallen between what stands
between you and I, us, we and our future
and yes, yes, Baby, I am sure
after seventy two hours basking in the shadows of your smile,
I no longer felt like myself after awhile
somehow things within my soul had changed
and my life’s plan was rearranged
may, I ask for another seventy two hours, if not forty years
of your time to witness you conquer your fears
and when needed, kiss away every single tear
I beg of you, give me the time your parents gave to each other
I ask of you, let no one put asunder…..
because after 231 hours and 24 minutes I continue to long for touch
give me 40 minutes if not 40 years to show you that I love you so much……..


i don't know..... good night..

A reminder...

TO A FRIEND...

Sometimes the most foolish thing you can do is continue in a relationship, that in the minds of most reasonable, rational, clear-thinking, healthy individuals would be easily identified as a mistake, walk away from and never look back. Not us. It is our dis-EASE that causes us to seek approval from people whom, we may never ever, receive it from. There will be few nods and little recognition. We love, people, who, are emotionally unavailable, or weighed with past hurts and distrusts which prevent them from trusting us, our behaviors and our words. People who can never see us for who were are. People who, say they want someone to love them unconditionally. Love them with conviction. Love them with passion. But can never return the same love.

It is foreign, a mythical illusion which they believe is possible for themselves, but are limited in their capacity to let go and love. To be vulnerable. Yet we continue try, believing somehow that we will say the right thing, do the right thing, become angry enough to snap them into reality, see us for who we are, and say "I am a changed person. Wow, I've been waiting for you all my life! Look what you've done." That realization never occurs, we are left healing in the hurt we caused for ourselves. Leaving us empty, leaving us selfless. Perhaps it is in fact, a self-esteem issue, disguised in arrogance and false confidence. Or a quiet weakened dignity that allows us to accept less than what we truly deserve. It hurts and we lash. We lash out in angered disappointment despising ourselves with each word. Words which are in fact boomerangs, means of us telling ourselves the truth. The curses and spewed hate aimed at another are self inflicting, designed to humiliate the core of ourselves. I hurt, so shall you.......

Love wrapped in a shiny paper laced with ignored ignorance and plummeting self worth has a way of preventing us from seeing the truth.... It is not love...Depending on another for your happiness or a definition of who you are is fool hearted. Yet, you do... Disillusioned, and hurt, you swallow tears choking on the bland reality that perhaps this is what love is truly about. It is not. And while you may fear being alone, you will learn that those you are most attracted to share your dis-EASE, even if their symptoms are the polar opposite of yours.

There are no knights in shining armor or princesses to be rescued from towers. There are no magical shoes or beans. A kiss will never wake you from that comatose state. No dwarfs will pop out of the woods to assist you in healing until you are able to love again. There is no Captain John Smith to see your exotic beauty and truly appreciate it. There is no one who will wage wars to protect your name and reputation. The reality is unless we change our behaviors, there will be no happy endings, only endless marathons of promises soon to be broken and infinite final goodbyes left unspoken.

Waking every morning believing today will be the last one with no weakened hello at the end of the day to help us forget. An elixir numbing the pain and disappointment that you will call love. The saddened state you would call a relationship. Because you are afraid to leave. And fear remaining...... So you stand, face to face, deadlocked... In silent apprehension and brazen dread... Not wanting to accept the truth of the emotion or the moment of truth.

Nobody m/loves no one gets hurt.. but Baby girl, someone has to m/love and yes, someone will always get hurt.....

Another Again.. I'm challenging all who read to do this!!

5 minutes with Kimberley D Taylor (the poet formerly known as Thir13Teen). I sound good already.

If money didn't matter what would you do with your life? I move to a place where no one knew me. I would wake up every morning and go to Starbucks to people watch. I would create stories, poems and prose about them and place them in a book entitled: section 8 coffee presents: 13's conversation with self.

What's the biggest misconception about you? I don't like people, I'm mean.. I like everyone I meet. i just don't consider everyone I meet a friend.

Beauty or brains? Brains. I love intelligence, quick wit and sarcastic humor.

What is your weapon of choice? If I gave into my current state of mind, I'd say REVENGE to (Live well. It is the greatest revenge. The Talmud) and better than I have til this point. However, I've been practicing kindness. I was reminded by a childhood friend of my heart before I lost my Grand. Incidents that occurred in junior high school principle and later a high school counselor, who in the end (because of my behavior) told me (when i was about to be kicked out of school) "young lady, you succeeded. you are capable of killing people with kindness, go back to class."

Who was your first celebrity crush? I guess maybe, Robert Hooks from the White Shadow.

What's your family's nickname for you? My Grand had a way of calling me her favorite grandchild when ever we greeted by phone or in person.... I miss that. My Dad calls me KD.... My niece and nephew call me Auntie Kimmie and I love the way their sing song pronunciation rings in my ears...

What is your most embarrassing guilty pleasure? My $1000.00 a year crack addiction at Starbuck's Coffee.

What's the last book you've read? The Wisdom of Crowds and Black Pain.

Name one thing that scares you? Dying alone.

What's the biggest mistake you've made? Not staying with my grand, the night I won the San Antonio Slam. That was our very last time together.

Who would you cast to play you in a movie about you? Nia Long

If you ran for President of the United States, who would be your running mate? Bill Maher, some body's got to be there when it gets ugly.

Who is your favorite TV mom? Angela Petrelli from Heroes.. She is so protective and ruthless it's ridiculous.

What's the fastest way to pick a fight with you? Making unwarranted rude/ugly statements. Generally I'm polite, even when i am being "mean".

If you could tell one person to shut up, who would it be? Probably myself every time I'm about to stick my foot in my mouth.

Who would you die for? They're already dead. I would love to be courageous and list names (like my niece, nephew or sister). I truly believe it would be spontaneous.... The act of dying for another....

Name one celebrity with whom you would never procreate under any circumstances? Flava Flav.

It would be an honor if some said my writing/poetry reminded them of_____________. Etheridge Knight or Chris Lee.

Name one sex act you would never perform if you were the opposite sex? Don't come near my ass with anything....

Would you ever pose for Playgirl/Playboy? Huh, no!

When was the last time you cried? last night, over spilt milk.

What's the greatest personal tragedy you've ever experienced? The death of my village (in this order, my mother, great aunt, great-grand, favorite aunt, grand).

Complete this sentence: By this time next year______________. I will be better than I am today.

juz cuz...

Are you goin to scarborough fair? parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. Remember me to one who lives there, she once was a true love of mine

Tell her to make me a cambric shirt, parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. Without no seams nor needlework, then she'll be a true love of mine

Tell her to find me an acre of land, parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. Between the salt water and the sea strand, then she'll be a true love of mine.

Tell her to reap it in a sickle of leather, parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. And to gather it all in a bunch of heather, then shell be a true love of mine.

Are you goin to scarborough fair? parsley, sage, rosemary and thymeRemember me to one who lives there, she once was a true love of mine

yo y el mono en la pared

Overheard..
last night, I probably heard too damn much...
i went out for what i believed to be a chill night.. it wasn't.. most of you who read my blog were there, and witnessed it. there's no need to go into it..

My HORRIBLESCOPE for today:
Aquarius (1/20-2/18)
This is a phase in your life where you should try to organize negative feelings
Try to live up to your expectations today -- responsibility is a key issue for you and all it takes is one big show for you to feel incredibly good about yourself. Of course, others feel even better about you!

WTF for real? come on!
okay well a sum of feelings i guess..
------------------------
there is no poem... i don't want it to be negative (LOL)
++++++++++++++++
p.s. i care about everyone, it is my humanity. last night i did what i believed was best for OUR VENUE/OUR NEO HOME. i don't have a dog in this fight, and don't want to hear your's barking. i care about myself too much to get involved in your shhhhh
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I’m pushing poetry
like a hustla pushes rocks
An agent pushes jocks
trigger fingers on glocks
tick tocks on clocks
Cuz the second I stop
jabbing my jaws
to breathe and pause,
so will the applause..
and i'd be forced to see my flaws
------------------------------------------
this slam thing, as much as i like it, is deadly. it's an effing game. it's survivor meets american idol meets prostitution. use your tongue, lips and mouth to out wit, out play, out perform. PERIOD. it doesn't mean you're the best poet. you're just the best poet to 5 judges (or you gave the best mind fck to 5 Johns!) that night.. Hell, i've loved it (slam) like the next when i've won, so i know how good it feels. but i also loved it when i lost. ;0) (LOL)
----------------------------------------
i am a poet,
lost..
i prostitute my poems for props
and jaw drops;
never considering what i think is hot
others may feel is NOT!!!
--------------------------------
i've lost associates (if we were REALLY friends a score or team membership could never divide us) over a simple slam and 50.00 dollars. My ex would say, "i bought you cheap or i bought my freedom from you rather cheaply."
_________________
"Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow-ripening fruit." -- Aristotle (4th century B.C.)
------------------------------
this is my motto. thanks Selah for recognizing that. last night she and i had a brief conversation at the bar. she acknowledged a simple truth, my truth regarding friendship. i told her i truly like everyone i meet, i just don't consider everyone to be a friend. and associates feel it MOST when i am amongst my friends. at times, i generally want more friends, yet it takes time to develop a relationship based on "mutual honesty, trust and respect." and that's what i want. there are people who would consider someone their friend and generally not trust or respect them. think about it for a moment.
my friends and i respect each other enough to trust that we can tell each other anything honestly!! thank g.o.d. i have that.
======================
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear. John 4:18
Baby, I am no longer afraid. I'm enjoying the ride, and loving what we are becoming..
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Patricia Smith on Sunday night at 501 Studios.

monkeying around and grateful

thankfullllllll....

01) a beautiful weekend with the love of my life. yes, even, despite, in spite..still..
02) (re)learning how remain friends and lovers
03) peace be still (trying and learning)
04) a sister's unyielding love.
05) a superwoman and a little fist of fury (we call each other friend and family.. i love you ladies!)
06) the monkey on my back..
07) poems ( i think i might be writing something like them again)
08) patricia smith is MOVING TO AUSTIN!!!!
09) facebook my new alpha addiction
10) missing people.. yes really! i miss you MO, langston, chelle, kotalian/korim, faye, cuzin sarah and dave.. ( and my new poetic heart, perception!!) u still represent a good place and space in my life!
11) looking forward
12) memories
13) a language the angels understand (patient wisdom through prayer)
14. my G.O.D. (good orderly direction) it's soooo good when u listen.
----------------
often i wish for clarity, then recognize it for what it truly is, KNOWLEDGE THROUGH EXPERIENCE.
---------------
god, if i knew all the answers,would i then search for questions?
--------------------

hay algunas empresas mono pasa

I've got a monkey on my back,
a lion in my heart,
and a frog in my throat.
you, my deadly addiction,
pushing
pumping
poison
through
what was once
my spirit...
while the courageous fire
roars,
my cowardice
stretches
jumps
and cuts
my breaths
choking
wisdom
and words
leaving
me
as quiet
as a mouse.
there is an elephant
in the room
not wanting to be ignored,
aggressively
banging,
breaking,
feelings
we hold dear..
causing my stomach
to churn
black butterflies
to scarlet caterpillars..
love's distant yearning
stubborn as a mule,
holds
steadfast,
lugging
pulling
it's weighted burden.
passion
blind as a bat
can't see past
you,
even in the still of night..
the cat's got my tongue
and the bull's in the china closet,
curiousity has murdered
it's last cat....
to be continued....
_____________***************_____________
i had no earthly idea where that was going.. (LOL)
__________________^^^^^^^^^^^^_____________
Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content. Helen Keller

without saying it....

sometimes, i wish i knew how to put things together. the right words to express how i feel without saying it. and while i like to think i'm good with words, i know plenty who are a lot better. i used to think i knew how to express myself. i've learned that when it really matters, despite my vocabulary and "charisma" (LOL!!) i fail miserably.

below, an exercise from 6months or so ago. i found it while cleaning my desk top. i've learned there are constants in my writing: blues, purples and reds. shadows. hearts. i want to move away from that, as perhaps i am limiting myself in communication and in my writing style.

Being in Love - "I am stilled in the shadowed image of you, silenced by your beauty. You simply a blue print of past lives birthed in this moment. Simply existing in the existence, searching for memories recaptured in laugh lines with no laughter, footsteps with no steps, heart beats with no beats. Simply there for no reason. Heart wanting what it wants."

-------------------------------

Making Love - "let me lie within your shade, and feel the weight of your leaves as the rustle and cascade atop my nakedness. i feel your cool crisp against my skin. delicate. i hear the soft moans as you arch, bend and sway in the breeze. cover me. cradle me. protect me. i still find pleasure under my elm tree."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunshine – "Night’s nemesis rose half past dawn peering through the darkness. Arms open, stretched across the horizon. Embracing ."

------------------------------

Melting Ice – "Chilled intensity rushing through core, slipping into oblivion. Smoke sneaks through teeth, glides atop tongue, and slips, trips past pout of your lips. Voracious invitations drip insatiably toward the dip in your grin."
---------------------------

while my teeth are looking damn good, my braces have made my lips bigger... talk about free 'efing non-desired or wanted surgery.. i didn't want bigger lips!!! ugh

--------------------------

superwoman if you fly by... i still got you, and am thinking of you.

--------------------------

mary of bethany II

i was once some one's daughter,
held tightly against protective bosoms,
feed dreams that seem
more than a million miles away...
i have aged laying on my back
traveled rail tracks;
snatched from tribal familiar..
stolen before i ever knew my name.
they tattooed highways and bi-ways,
along my veins,
i human cargo,
modernized slave...
i was once some one's daughter.....

hazey

i peel our nakedness

from sunset streaked

tears and

egyptian cotton sheets,

hazed purples, reds, and blues..

to reach for the shadowed ghosts

of me and you

and ponder

sweet succulence that drips from

thighs, lips and fingertips...

(it)

cannot mask

the hated joy

of pleasured pain

and heart pangs,

or the weight of legs

and arms,

twined tightly

against

shattered souls.

i know

u know

we know

.....................................

i offer all that i am to all we could become

........................................

often over-rated, sometimes tears are nothing more that ... tears

untitled

hello,

my name is.....

Overheard....

Overheard - "absence does not make the heart grow fonder, it only makes the eye wander," female co-worker offering "BAD" advice to another re: her ongoing long distance relationship dilemma.

Because I have an extreme amount of work today, there is no poem.. there is this..

how do i love thee,

let me count the days...

i find u in every moment i breathe...

every second that gives way til tomorrow..

it is your face i see in the space between

my heart's thoughts and it's beats' words...

u are my sun set and moon rise..

my day and night.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Moon meets sun during mid-day rendezvous,
Snow caresses raindrops
I beg my foot steps to betray my quicken heart beats,
And turn to you…
To greet our past moments of happenstance and circumstance,
Peel away the my self annihilation
Strip me of my inhibitions.....

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If I didn’t know them
my words would stumble,
trip and fall for you
over and over.
again and again.
I taste the hauntingly
familiar,
my body gently quakes
I savor the flavor
That mends my aches
and breaks,
at each and every break of dawn
break in the rain clouds threatening
to drown my blue skies
breaks in crumbled promises made
by those who’d trade
the assurance of lies
for the uncertainty of truth.
you a graciously simple constant
the one I hold dear
cradling my fears,
brushing away tears,
and damn… I wish you were near.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

gimme...

gimme,
gimme one reason to stop.
turn.
rethink
the beauty that lies
within the
mirrored
pain in
the brown of our eyes.
simply
hope
birthed from
the exploration of
possibilities.
gimme.
gimme one glimmer
of light,
and i will
transform it
to a shooting star
barreling
and burrowing
burning the core
of my
shaken,
not stirred foundation.
drunken
by angered faith
and misguided
love,
always questioning.
gimme.
gimme hope
and i will
learn prayer............
-----#####---------
sometimes i wish for nothing other then an opportunity to wish
-----***--------------
run wildly like freedom and fall courageously like children, eventually the momentum will transform your steps and trips into flight!!!
---------------------

1- a week of understanding
2 - friends
3- distance and space to grow
4 - love
5 - family
6 - phone calls
7 - g.o.d.
9 - long drives
10 - music
11 - a language the angels understand (truth and faith)
12 - a good friend's birthday and her safe return
13 - prayer

prayerful chillaxin'

Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.
Proverbs 25:15

nothing........

You greasey one, go take a nap!!!! (LOL)

HAPPY BORN DAY

Angel L Wilson

aka

SUPER WOMAN!!!!

Happy Birthday to one of the greatest gifts I could receive in this lifetime. Your invaluable friendship!
I know this is probably gonna embarrass the heck out of you, but who cares, right?
Here's the thing! (LOL)
A.L.W. aka Super Woman
you have been the best thing since sliced bread, my ELM and the Wii system. You are as reliable as prayer and I know you are a GODSEND. It's almost like my village picked you personally to make sure my flighty, goofy, wayward butt got things kind of right most of the time. You HAVE ALWAYS BEEN the epitome of friend. And I don't know how to thank you.
Me and the little balled fist one aka "SNACKER" miss you immensely!!! And can't wait for you to return!
Anyway, I know that Gladys, Granny and the PIP are taking good care of you. Selfishly enough, we wish you were here to celebrate with you. Enjoy YOUR DAY. See you soon. And we've never stopped!

Love ya, like cooked food and air conditioning (in other words, life would be pretty hard without you!)
kim

mary OF bethany

I was once some one’s daughter…
I was birthed just outside my mother’s womb,
encapsulated by her dread.
My familial blood line
and pulse feed the inherent fear
(that has been) tattooed upon us
since man evolved from all fours
to beast.
Loneliness and laughter engulf me
like indecisive walls of forgotten sentiment.
Jaggedly they pummel against my intellect and will
thrashing any remnant
of conviction and good judgment…
And I float.
I float like a perplexed
arch angel
reddened by the viciousness
of hypocrisy
and the compulsion of duty…
I loom,
like the 13th apostle courageously
carrying out
an heroic feat of treason
embarrassed by the
twelve’s valiant gesture of
redemption.
I hover atop whimsical
dreams and streams
that seems convincingly conniving.
I’ve been here before;
the colors have never been more deceitful.
Red and yellow dye dying skies
a vivid, fleeting fiery shaded hue.
Rays of arctic orange,
burn cold, no hint of blue.
I’m crying, lying and dying
for a glimpse of you…
Yet all the colors in the world
could never tint the sterility of white
over the selfishness of black,
painting my world
UNINSPIRING…
Wrinkled and crumpled
life’s graying arms,
timidly embrace
my humored aloneness;
holding me like my mother
motionless and unconscious
affected only by the warmth
of her memories’ mortality.
And I feel secure all around for the very first time.
This is my inheritance,
a life on bended knees
lacking absolution and thoughtful prayer.
Exchanging my womanly humanness
for survival and change..
the clink and chill of silver
fall through fingers
and quickly as the last john’s semen
from my tongue and cheek.
Cheeky, I know, but
I was once someone’s daughter
before I was swallowed by these streets.
can i not be forgiven?
I stand behind you weeping
in shame,
my hair, unkempt,
not worthy to wash your feet...
To be continued.
kdtaylor, 2009
Section 8 Coffee
All rights reserved..

----------------------------
this was a writing lab project,
used a Scrabble letter (l) picked the word loneliness
and then from the AMAZING K.O.R.I.M.
I chose a line from a poem he recently wrote about his sister..
"open arms, hold me like my mother, secure for the first time"
i switched them around a bit...
Also, I'm hoping to use this as my first human trafficking piece..
don't know..

smile

averygratefulme....

01) grace, opportunity, destiny. (g.o.d.)
02) good, orderly direction (g.o.d.)
03) guidance, optimism, and determination (g.o.d.)
04) recognizing people and their respective seasons
05) the arms and shoulders of good friends, i.e. staying in your lane, and being what i need (no question, simply a laugh, a joke, a smile, a text, an e-mail and a hug! it means a lot.)
06) g.o.d.'s ear i.e. diligent prayer
07) facebook and my monkey
08) long drives with good music
09) my sisters (blood and kinship!)
10) my nieces (blood and kinship)
11) a new meaning for 13! Superwoman, if u fly by...
12) patience and kindness
13) And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept _________, I could not stay _________; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. AMEN

porque me escuchas

Overheard… "What is it about make-up sex? He ain't gettin' this, I'm still mad!"

Anyone who REALLY knows me knows this.. if you don't, listen (READ) closely, "withholding affection in a relationship is grounds for termination, just because your MIND is MAD doesn't mean your body is!!!"

I wasn't suppose to be a part of this conversation, they were talking loudly as I was passing; so I wrote a poem about it!!!

Lo siento, te amo
Baby, please.
let me disrobe
the intensity of your resentment.
excite your searing rage.
skillfully search for the source of your fury,
to find if our love is still here.
allow me to offer a sincere request for forgiveness;
starting with the deepest wrinkles
furrowed within your brow.
i will
slowly, deliberately
exchange the dampness
of my apologetic kisses
with your angered perspiration.
Baby, please.
let fingertips,
and hint of lips
pursue and conquer
the fervor knotted
within the small of your
back as it responds
to the
moistness
escaping from my
quickened breaths.
arching
in anticipation,
desperately
defying
it's yearning insistence
for my touch.
Baby, please.
permit my tongue
to knead and massage
the hurt
it has caused.
consent to an inkling
of forgiveness…
bend and swing
the fullness of hips
and thighs
methodically,
erotically
against
mine…
let your heart resolve,
what your psyche
cannot fathom
in this moment;
the failing and falling
of cautious fragility
like lacy lingerie
against
the nakedness of
charmed persistence.
Baby, please.
linger in the space
between
anticipation
and absolution.
listen to the
enamoured silence
dribbling,
dripping,
trickling,
seeping
streaming!
divulging
your body's betrayal.
take note
of base notes
tugging gently
at
heart strings...
a
sycophancy
escaping
from
the fullness of breast
the wetness of sighs,
sweaty sweet caresses
and pleas of bitter compassion
empathizing with
engaging passion
Baby please.
align
your
body with
mine,
relax your mind
and unwind,
imagine
our bodies
entwined
in mind,
what's mine
will always
be mine.
allow our
heated tenderness
to remind..
your mind
and body
that we are
hard to define,
and there
is no better
love
in mind
than
the one i
call,
"mine."
Baby, please.
kdtaylor
section 8 coffee publications
all rights reserved

ame caerse de páginas y pétalos

u ask y…
and i wish.
i wish
i could ascend the lofty
distinction
between
an under-
taking
and a promise.
bridge the gap
linking
intention
and
action.
run the distance
connecting
adoration
and
admiration…
but I can’t.
my trepidation
suffers
from an acute case of
cowardice.
the hero in me
ate a bit too
much baloney
and is sick to
her stomach.
cheesy,
i know.
though
if assurances
were flowers
I would choose
them more
carefully ..
prayerfully.
contemplating
each and every
one
before
clumsily
reaching toward
and clasping them
in my hesitant hands.
i would vow
to cherish the
delicacy
of moments
graciously accepting
the timeless
flawlessness
in every petal's
splendor;
of it’s frailty.
appreciating!
knowing!
that
one day
it too shall demise.
in times of darkness.
I must be ready
to sacrafice
strength
accept humility; and
transcend my moon light
to sun rays.
(if i could)
if only for a second
to keep it sustained.
and in defeat
strongly face
the brillance
of it’s transition
from
body
to spirit!
like our
love
it doesn't have to
die.
or be crushed...
simply cherished...
tucked tightly into the
leaflets and pages
for some one
some where
to find...
to open
to read
to watch
us..
stumble
tragically
from
this
life's
pages....


kdtaylor, 2009
section 8 coffee
all rights reserved

writing lab

It is written that
every daughter who
posses an inheritance in any tribe of children
Shall be wife unto the family…
Though faceless
shameless
And nameless
I was once some one’s daughter
Yet, I have no inheritance
Nor allegiance
My people
Burned life on both
Ends
Trite and bright
They clutch street corners
As desperately
As sallow ladies
and coin purses
engulfed in darkness.
Light only
offering a glimmer
of hope for
one at the expense
of another.
Iconic and ironic.
There is no gray!
Needle pricks dubbed oil wells
in pit of elbow,
top of fore arm
and
‘tween toes
splashed with
Indian ink tramp stamps
replace tribal marks.
Drunken stupors and
opium induced nods
shade lucidity;
transcending
dreams dancing horrifically
with my nightmares
which astound.
Even during waking hours.
I have no blood line that
stretches
to any time
other than
mine.
And my choices have
erased the inkling
of my existence.
I have a covenant with G.O.D.
I ride
STRAPLESS
And I won’t complain.
Topless
Without
brakes
we speed through
Intersections
carelessly, courageously.
I gulp down
ill bred fear
inconsiderate
of reality.
I have a covenant with
G.O.D.
who loved
everyone whose
ever loved me
more than me
as justification to take them away from me.
I have a covenant with
G.O.D
and I don’t ask questions
I’ve seen curiosity
choke the clandestine
certainty
Of the smarted cat
And I won’t be made an example.
I have a covenant with G.O.D.
whose Grace, Opportunity and Destiny
allows me to ride
Even when I don’t understand the journey,


---------------------------------------------

not sure what i'm going to do with this, but it was a fun exercise..

opposite day, Saturday 14th

my heart called out for you
today..
a momentary whisper betraying all
i
WANT
and
am determined to be.
it's beats pounded cryptic messages
through space and time
etched itself
upon
sand dunes and mountain sides
in a frigid desert
of a northern hemisphere
on a planet
in a galaxy yet
to be discovered.
it said everything
and
nothing
and it wasn't until
i felt the faint
dampness of
it's tear upon my breast
did i realize..
perhaps,
i wanted to search
within it
and find the
meaning
of
it's
thump thump



thump thump



thump thump...



-------------------------------

One Three on Friday One Three @ 1:30

Superstition is the weakness of the human mind; it is inherent in that mind; it has always been, and always will be...
fredrick the great

Superstition is poetry of life, so that it does not injure the poet to be superstitious
wolfegang von goethe

today she wages a new battle... NO ONE can AFFORD to believe the 13th offers anything LESS than hope....

Nunca he conocido las paredes que no he construido

on january 20th, i began my birthday at 8:00 am. i lay on a make shift pallet, celebrating my birthday over the phone watching Obama with carrot top, one of my closest friends. we've known each other since the 6th and 7th grade when we shared the social awkwardness of being born to the wrong parents, in the wrong city, on the wrong side of town. mind you we weren't poor, our parents weren't abusive, nor were we living in some urban plight that most made for tv series stemmed from.

we simply wanted, wished, and unlike most kids our age, knew that there was something bigger than that moment, something special that waited for us outside the gym walls of riley jr. high school.

that morning was flooded with phone calls and well wishes from friends i met along my journey in this life.

ironic, the latter part of my birthday was spent with another friend who defines me as much as carrot top. she has been closer to me than i have been to myself. she has been my conscious, and has inspired me in many ways, even SHE WILL NEVER KNOW. I just continue to grow through our unlikely, yet made in heaven friendship. she, she and i make three. and that night as i looked past the feigned courage and stared face to face with the youngest of the trios fear. i knew our lives would never be the same.

unbeknown to me, she and she made plans to celebrate my birthday with me; however, life had different plans. our fear was realized. we would later find that our rock had, yet again suit up to wage another battle. and it hurts. i hurt and am ...

well never mind. this isn't about carrot top. nor is this about her. or her. this is about me.

it wasn't the best birthday, it wasn't the worst birthday, it began and ended with who i was suppose to be with, who i needed to be with doing what i've always wanted to be. A FRIEND.

yet every day since my birthday, i have been struggling. struggling and grappling with anything and everything. daily there has been something i needed to re-evaluate and make appropriate choices. i recognized if i were to die tomorrow, i would HAVE REGRETS, and i don't want anymore!!!

Serious ones, relating to career, choices, education, places to live, how i live and love. so i invented the monkey to assist me in doing some of the things i really want to do... from now one i will live how i want, do what i want, go where i want, i will not miss an opportunity in the life to live happily.

there are too many people who would kill to exchange places with me..

in other words, i've know no walls other than those i have built...

me and the monkey are on FIYAH!!!

ps...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Adrienne Henderson

Carrot Top

I LOVE YOU, BABY SIS!!

and to you

super woman if u fly by

HAPPY DAY BEFORE IT ALL

i love u

u consider to inspire me.....

para todas estas cosas y mucho más

1. god's grace
2. love of familiy (thanks SIS!)
3. langston (i mean damn?)
4. wii fit
5. skinny jeans
6. my sex in the city (we kilt the 4th bitch!) crew
7. chelle and her babies. thanks for letting me play second momma, and thanks for knowing i do care...
8. my blog.. i mean you can see i'm writing.
9. THE MONKEY (u gotta be on facebook to understand)
10. simple understanding
11. clarity
12. promise of more
13. knowledge there is more

and last but not least, face book for bringing me back in contact with my closest friends in the WORLD. (phoenix and carrot top!!!)

la conciencia de su fe es seguro que vengan a ti

crisp quiet slips from lips

communes with fingertips:

trips falls in slight split

in cusped aged hands in prayer..
cool breeze pick pockets dreams,

leaves penny for change (not wise and despised)

to turn on dime, changing a frame of mind,

I can no longer afford.
I place stones in my pockets

to measure my weight against despondency.
I want to be heavy!
I move through shape shifting hopelessness,

attaching myself to the blue print of your existence.
I mean if not for your avoidance,

how would I know I was truly alive?
cobblestone sheets I sleep

heartbeats racked with the irregular gap of footsteps

drum the inevitable.

pounding, gripping tightly against my flesh and bones.
I try desperately to pull the dirt and mortar

to cover my eyes,

push back against the back drop

dropping angered silence a top my head.
IT IS ALARMING
I stage fights against bitter memories

slithering through me.

Destroying every THING and ONE I aspire to be..
Choking on sullen ponderances

I offer my soul to thee?
My God have you forgotten about me?
or am I not your people,

the descendant of Hosea

unyielding.
Withstanding...

to be continued

kdtaylor, 2009
Section 8 Coffee
all rights reserved

En la actualidad vemos indistintamente, como en un espejo, pero entonces cara a cara

I’m packing…
tucking away pledges of unyielding love,
happily ever afters,
and assurances of perpetual tomorrows
lingering somewhere
linking
the insistent wetness of
dried caked over tears
to the deafness of God’s ears.
I can promise,
he ain’t answering
cuz he ain’t listening.
i’ve spoken in human
and angelic tongues,
my pleads clanging against
the chattering of thousands
begging and seeking
eternal salvation.
I mean baby,
in this dark and lonely night,
how can I ask g.o.d.
to remove the stained pain of
YOU from heart,
when somewhere
OUT THERE
SOMEONE
is in a life or death struggle,
and would gladly accept
the strain of my
pain
in exchange
for another day!
I’m packing…
starting with saccharine sentiments
baby pink and lady blues,
confusing senses
and sensibilities
criss-crossing
tongues and buds.
yet I know the true taste of love,
it is bitter, raw, savory and sweet.
tart, like the bitter charm of a first kiss….
a perfect combination
of snickers, peppermint and pickles,
with the incessant desire to wipe
tell - tell grins from our face…
it is elementary pinky swears,
spin the bottle,
truth or dares..
i mean...
sometimes,
just sometimes
it's not gonna fall the way we like...
to be continued...
kdtaylor, 2009
section 8 coffee
all rights reserved

AZUL del kimmie

la esencia de nosotros

El amor nunca se da por vencido, nunca pierde la fe, la esperanza es siempre, y perdura a través de cada circunstancia..

Yo me siento como regresar a casa. ....

Etheridge Knight is one of my favorite poets. I am not a substance abuser, drunk, nor am I chemically dependent. While I have visited numerous jails and prisons I have not spent an entire night confined in a cell, out side of the ones I've created, you know that self imposed solitude within your mind, soul and heart. The first time I heard "This year there is a grave stone wall damming my stream, and when the falling leaves stir my genes, I pace my cell or flop on my bunk and stare at 47 black faces across the space. I am all of them, they are all of me, I am me, they are thee, and I have no sons to float in the space between." The Idea of Ancestry, Etheridge Knight.... The words hit me like hip hop hit most, or as a poet friend says the first time he and a bunch of friends saw Breakin' or Beat Street. I knew there was a connection, and this man's words were powerful, and (continue) to live at the very core of my (lonely) being....I have to go home. I awoke this morning with a sense of loss. I love driving, yet I loathe that drive... With each turn of the wheel, with each heart beat, I feel longing, a sense of loss, the need to escape, totally disconnected. I have no sons to float in the space between..."I feel like going home......" But where do you go, when nothing and no one is waiting for you at the end of the road? I mean aside from memory laced nightmares, broken dreams, and an empty glass over flowing with blackened tears. I say empty, 'cuz, I lie, nothing ever quite captures my pain and sense of loss. I say black because it absords everything. It is not the absence of light, as most would want you to believe. And I am not absent of light. Neither are my tears. But they are empty. Shallow. Again, because I lie. Most things are superficial, seldom a connection. I feel like going home, but I have no sons to float in the space between. I have secrets, that eat away me. I want love, but I don't know how to.. REALLY! There was, and is ALWAYS something to float but it would overwhelm that space between, I AM selfish and self seeking. I carried hope for a few days, became overwhelmed in despair, and remained empty. I have no sons to float in the space between. I feel like going home. But there's nothing there. Falling leaves stir my genes... they are waiting at the end of the road. But to face them means to face a past I want to forget. I feel like going home. I am all of them and they are all of me. Great-grand says she's all I have. She has two that she teaches the same. "You are all you have", she tells them, "take care of each other, don't let anyone hurt the other." "I AM ALL I HAVE, I TELL MYSELF!" And each morning, I awake heavy with sweat and regret disguised as (negative) optimism. She sounds just like my great-grand. I sound like their ghosts. ANGRY AND FORLORN. I am reminded. I have no sons to float in the space between. Will the simple laugh that greets our souls, between the secrets that leak between bleeding heart beats, be enough to sustain, to forget for a moment. Or will I simply be reminded that I AM all I have. And that revelation within itself pains. There are more, yet... I have removed enough stones, and while my pockets are heavy, I am willing to to trudge the waters and pray they are not too deep. Baby, I feel like going home.......

yo nunca podría reemplazar su sombra de azul

I remember when you believed in me for no other reason, other than the possibilities of us and our love. Feeling that you deserved more than your past indicated or dictated. More than that which could be seen or imagined. Breathing. Falling. Your wish was to simply connect with another on a deeper level, where often verbal communication was was no longer a factor or needed. That you, and your lover had taken the time to know the intimate details of each other's desires, and that your mind, well your minds, were mere blueprints to the other's soul. See, neither of us were willing to settle, and were no longer fans of beautiful relationships. Breathing. Falling. We believed, imagined and lived as if there was so much more for us. And we were willing to explore each and every possibility fearlessly. To leave no stone unturned, and to never allow pride or our tongues to destroy a single moment. Moments we would build upon, moments which would eventually become our life, and in our twilights, we would reflect and laugh, dying without resentment or regret. Don't you remember? I remember the first time I recognized the brown in your eyes held my reflection. I remember when goodbyes were opportunities to say hello. No door was closed or back turned without a kiss. Breathing. Falling. I remember falling asleep not quite knowing where you began and I end. That my dreams held your scent and touch, even on those nights when we were apart. Without you, I did not feel lonely, there was always a sense of comfort as your essence remained and lingered. I recall holding your silhouette whispering I love you thru cellular towers, hoping that you could taste my sentiments in the breeze. And the only tears shed were those masked as perspiration upon our bodies during the course of our love making. We never cried. Don't you remember? I remember calling you for no other reason other than to hear your voice. That every story you told was brand new, a chance for me to get to know you better. I remember wanting to know you so well that we finished each other's sentences and began each other's thoughts. That ecstacy exisited just past your lips and fingertips. I remember wishing I knew you as a child, to share your triumphs and learn from your defeats. I remember all dusks and dawns were welcomed with your voice, your touch, or your kiss. And that you were never more than a thought away. I remember peonies, freeshia, and sunsets. Rose petals floating a top milky bubble baths. When infactuation was mistaken for adoration, adoration for infactuation, but we both knew the love would last forever. When my spirit mirrored your image, your image seemingly the purpose of my exsistence, for you were, and still are heaven sent. And you were birthed and lived just outside God's blue hues. Breathing. Falling. Breathing. Inhaling your spirit, exhaling our lives. Breathing. Falling. Breathing. I remember colors.... I remember breathing. I remember falling...I remember falling in love with shades of blue skies that represent you. I remember rainy days give way to blue skies because of you. I remember that I can soar among blue skies and clouds with you. I remember when shades of blue outlined my path to your soul. I remember blue lights luminating from your smile. I remember your hues of blue chased away my shades of blue. I remember ocean's blues could never be compared to the depth of your blue. I remember breathing your blue. I remember feeling your blue. I remember singing your blue. I remember falling for your blue. I remember colors. I remember shades of blue will always represent you..... Don't you remember?

And now I all feel is the sterile of the blue. The cold gaze from clouded eyes filled with blue shades of truth and you. The hazy grayed of blue that swallows and engulfs the beauty of you. The steel of blue piercing the heart of forgiveness, as apologies lie lifeless on the toungues before every reaching your deaf ears. The turn of blue, swishing cherished memories to broken promises. The sharp of blue, slashing flesh leaving whips and marks a royal purpled bruise. The heaviness of blues songs strangling and choking hope from faith. Baby, I don't want to know this hue. Yet it's tinted our perfect shade of blue, me and you. I still remember colors. I remember breathing. I remember falling...I remember falling in love with shades of blue skies that represent you. I remember rainy days give way to blue skies because of you. I remember that I can soar among blue skies and clouds with you. I remember when shades of blue outlined my path to your soul. I remember blue lights luminating from your smile. I remember your hues of blue chased away my shades of blue. I remember ocean's blues could never be compared to the depth of your blue. I remember breathing your blue. I remember feeling your blue. I remember singing your blue. I remember falling for your blue. I remember colors. I remember shades of blue will always represent you..... Don't you remember?

para todas estas cosas y más… gracias

g.o.d. (good orderly direction)

my tree despite the falling leaves, I've always loved Autumn.

A date with three beautiful young ladies....

pain that forces growth or is it the other way around?

g.o.d.

I. Corinthians 13:13

Her LIFE!!!!

g.o.d. (grace, opportunity and destiny)

Her pit bull LOVE!!!!

another day.

another breath.

g.o.d. (guidance, optimism and determination)

cleansing strength

Langston

friends

HIS LIFE

words

...and yes, i feel it coming in the air....

piensa que cuando llega la perfección, el imperfecto desaparece...

i no longer wish (that)
i did
not long 4 u
want 2 hold u
B near u
build &
kneel B4 an alter
4U
n prayerful thanks...
2day
my heart crumbles
under the weight
of my own
devices
drowning n the
musty sweat
of my suicidal hands..
&
i am fragile,
OLD
the frailty
of my humanness
and
inadequacies
has left me
stripped
of
every inhibition...
i have ever known...
i have never known
how
yet
wanted 2 love..
frantic and selfish
i clutch and grab
at it's fluttering wings,
like a tortured soul
flung from the tip
of mount Everest,
desperately
grasping
for the
indecisive safety
of the line
between
life and death.
and like u
i walk a tight rope,
tight lipped
weighing
&
crushing
B4 i ever had a chance to fly .....
i dream in extinct
colors
shaded fades
of black, greys and blues
with hints of you
flashing before
me...
i loosen grip
to fall
2bcontinued
kdtaylor, 2009
section 8 coffee
all rights reserved..
....................................
g.o.d. please be kind to kam..
and his family
....................................
and yes eb...
thanks for the peaceful comfort....
it does endure all things..
................................
super woman if you fly by
i got you....

todo HE DEJADO soy desteñido memorias

... u said she would fight until
her dust settled in your tracks.
greyed my bluing skies,
pains panged and multiplied!
shattering every memory of
your face
your grace...
that space.
(to) leave me in
this place...
wHERe
numbness tastes
sweet bitter with regret - (forgetting and romanticizing)
apologies
wrapped thickly 'round our tongue(s)
like rose petals
and thorns
in honey...
gelatinously heavy!
forcing our dignity
to choke on the sticky stubbornness
of it's pride
.................
that aside...
..................
i Still love HEr..
even if it means
i crawl!
even if it means
i
walk!
even if it means
i
run!
run
back toward and into
borrowed time
charged against
mine
chasing change,
lost
and forgotten chances,
once mores
baby please
one more
and another
time!
what i
believe
/feel
should
/will
always be mine..
.................
she
running in
tripping out
of my
mind
and..
heart
...............
aNd
i Still love HEr.
i chase
the
peony scented
recollections
carelessly
aS
HEr
blood curling demons
cradle my fragile sanity..
PUSHING
me
toward the
acridness
of
self destruction.
our thoughts
slow drag
shattering
illusions of
martyrdom.
(we)
hurl
dangerously
like the
clanging of glass doors
against iron corridors
.........................
u said she would fight til the grackles
devoured the bread crumbed
salt trail
u left behind.
dry and withered -
weathered storms
we could not forecast
or avoid.
and
i mistake you for rain (droplets)
disguising and hiding (my) tears
streaking
sullen faces...
i can never wipe you away.
yEt
i want to be drenched in her.
the umbrella filled with
promises to never leave
and wait for me
lies
foolisHly
by the rEd dooR
.........................
u said u would fight
til the sun and moon morphed to
a thousand noons
mimicking midnight...
and we'd be cloaked in the sunlight
of a memory
that could have been...

2bcontinued
..........................
kdtaylor 2009
section 8 coffee
all rights reserved

Ella es mi única pena verdadera, el regreso a mí... Yo la esperaré en tiempo pedido prestaddo...

....
fuck me gently
against sheets filled
with musical notes..
control the
the sharpness of
each pitch and moan
clashing, crashing
against
the stark reality
clanging
(the) dormant bells
within
my barren womb.
i empty!
a rusted vessel
a shell,
crumbling beneath
bombastic sounds
feigning silence.
ShE
thrusting from tongue
pushing past teeth,
thrashing 'tween gums
spewing off lips...
barreling through me
like a slave
with his first taste of freedom...
kdtaylor 2009
section 8 coffee
all rights reserved

==========

i am not a prophetic poet

but a skilled liar

----------
when all else fails pray... in a language (ONLY) the angels know (faith)
--------------------

i am the stone the builder refused,
i am NOT weak (he sees),
i will NOT crumble (he knows),
despite the pressures (he feels),
yet...
i am refused..
--------------------
listen...
----------------

cree que su corazón está minando al mismo tiempo que continúa a mendigar de por vida

Conjured hues of blued succulence

slip pasts tainted lips
painted and pouted

a different shade of rouge…

And I listen!

I listen for the hymn that bellows below her skirt.
trip past pits, pats and scats,
as her legs drum
the hum drum

drumming

sweet whispers

dancing

outside

my head.

And I listen.

I listen to

fingers snapping

hands clapping

clasping boldly against my spine

caressing, gently

plucking, pulling skin

skillfully.

sinfully.

and I wait.

I wait for

the big band

to swing right

bop left
arythmically

like shallowed

echoes

in each

and every step

she takes...

i can feel the

murmurings of

Miles

for miles

and miles

and i am mesmerized!

mesmerized

with want..

wanting her to

play me

curiously
raw and hard.

As she has

SO

many times before.

SHE
A random rhythm reddened by anger!

Rhythmically banging notes
like desires pounding

heat and sweat
a top entwined nakedness

of jealous lovers with

ravenous
passions
resisting the urge to FUCK!

2 b continued....

kdtaylor, 2009

section 8 coffee

all rights reserved

when you think your heart is eroding continue to beg for life

país que viven (el mundo sabe i)

The world I knowIs a world too slow(If you) Don't move fast enough, keep your head lowThe world I knowIs a world much too slowIf you can't move fast enough child, better stay on the low childAnd I want to lay in the passenger seat of a carWe could drive around all nightWe wouldn't have to go too farJust look at the starsThis night could be oursThe world I knowIs a world too slow(If you) Don't move fast enough, keep your head lowThe world I knowIs a world much too slowIf you can't move fast enough child, better stay on the low childAnd I want a life lover that'll go that farWe don't have to do this rightDo you know who you areThis ride could be oursJust look at those starsAnd we are never going homeThis ride is far too long to travel aloneAnd the moon will shine brightly on this roadWhich way (do) you want to go?The world I knowIs a world too slow(If you) Don't move fast enough, keep your head lowThe world I knowIs a world much too slowIf you can't move fast enough child, better stay on the low childAnd I want a life lover that'll go that farWe don't have to do this rightYes I know who you areThis ride could be oursJust look at those starsBaby we could be stars.. ESTHERO

por lo que una vez fue el nuestro - el mundo

por favor únase a mí en oración por mi hermana ..

I am at a age where I no longer ask WHY, simply what.

What next?

Do with me as you will...

she is superwoman...
she leaps seamless bounds from
emotion to emotion..
effortlessly.

and i wonder.

i wonder what lies beneath
the sheath..
the tick of her heart
that she gives
so freely...

she with the patience of Job
and the wisdom of solomon

.....

i can't write her rights...
i feel more vulenrable than i ever have in life...

she is superwoman..
she is my super friend..

and I am helpless...

......

g.o.d.
i no longer ask why?
i simply ask,
"what?"

and pray...

...

uno y tres es aprender a orar. de mis labios a los oídos de Dios...

amen...

es aprender a orar. de mis labios a los oídos de Dios.

I am reaching my hand to you in sisterhood and friendship. I am reaching for you. I am placing my hand out to pull you up and in when you want it. I will give you my hand when you decide you need it. I am and will be here. I want to reach deep inside you, and re-assure you, and let you know. I understand. It’s okay. I can’t say I’ve been where you are, but I’ve been some where near there. And it’s tiring. I know what it’s like to have a million answers to a thousand questions and not have the skill to solve the biggest mystery of them all. The key to personal happiness. And now, WHY? Why is this happening.....

And I know, the many answers doubled with questions silence your spirit and arrest your soul, creating restless night, after night, after knight, after knight. And after reaching for the answers to everyone's problems, your personal goals, him, him and him.. reaching toward the darkened solitude of your mind is the only thing you know. ‘cuz, right now, it feels like the only thing you have left. I can tell you it isn't. You know that already. You know it is not the solace you need. Yet it feels good. And I know it makes you believe that you are at peace. It’s simply ONE piece of the pieces of the puzzle that puzzles the peace most and keeps us one piece shy of solving the puzzle.

I’m perplexed. I’ve never been good at puzzles. I’ve never had the patience but I'm good at riddles, and I'm listening. I'm listening closely for the alliterate verse and the double meaning behind each of your words. Because I want to solve you. I want to solve your problems for you.

And I like to believe I've been a good friend and that I'm good with you. I’m quick on my feet and slick with the lips, so I always believed that if, and that’s a big IF, the time came and there was a problem I could find the right words, to snatch you from the person I believed wronged, hurt or tried to take you from me. My active imagination would have never allowed me to believe, that person, my arch nemesis would be, YOU. My words have failed me and you know I can’t fight.

So I am puzzled, I can't understand why I cannot say or hand you a piece of my peace to make you whole, again. Complete.

Can't completely understand why. Yet, I've lived long enought to stop asking why, and replace it with WHAT? What and who is going to gain from your sacrafice. Because despite what's going on with you, you've always GIVEN more than you TAKE!

And I want to, more than anything. I I want to do for you what you’ve always done for me. Make me feel better. Make me laugh. Make me see the other side. Make me not feel sorry for myself. Make me, me again. Or maybe it was the G.O.D. in you that always provided the guidance…. And now I’m afraid, that I am gifted with the intention but not the action. Intellectually I know that’s not the case, but in my heart, I can’t help but struggle with you through your struggle.I think that’s what friends do, at least the good ones. Not co-dependently, but you know.

And yes, I’m worried and sometimes I cry. Not so much that I don’t believe you can't or won’t find your way back, just so much that I don’t want you to forget. I don't want you to forget that "super" is a nickname and not your label. That nothing in this world can define you better than you! Just how wonderful and special you are. And that I want to be there for you like you’ve been there for me. And I want to sit in the darkness with you, hold your hand and tell you absolutely nothing but be there and listen to you breathe. To remind you that you don’t have to be alone. That you’re never alone.

And when you’re ready, we can pull away the covers, tie them upon our backs, open the blinds, and fly.. not toward the moon, but the heat of the sun.. because that what stars do... and you are my super....