quiero, quiero ser frío

OVERHEARD - The ever changing weather in Texas. Everyone was basically discussing how blue they felt, since it was frigging 80 degrees earlier this week! "Weather affects my mood.. .."

Quiero, Quiero ser Frio
I want to be cleansed by the acrid mist.
I want to sluggishly plummet
from heartrending eyes.
Descend the break of rise
to fall upon nimbostratus cheeks…
I am drizzle.
I am humid moisture.
I want to float among the
grizzled sky and blackened
approaching night.
I am clouded.
I am numb.
I want to stand in the cold.
I want to freeze from the
inside out
outside and back
in again.
I don’t want to feel.
I am deadlocked.
I am an ambitiously
flummoxed struggle;
my wit and will
hinge frantically fraught
against the fraying strands
of hope and faith.
My frailties fragilely
failing my humanness.
I willingly
lay lifelessly against
my last straw.
Flimsy I know.
Lately and constantly,
I am easily broken.
I am smashing
thoughts against wreck and havoc.
I am a billion cracked raucous
expressions ravenously
searching it’s voice.
It’s whole.
It's being.
I am searching for me.
I am fully void.
Up till now I’ve had my fill.
I’ve had more than my share…
I am thunder,
silently.
I am rain,
drying.
I am love,
hating.
I am loathe,
adoring.
I am distraught feelings turning
their back against themselves.
I don’t want to think.
I don't want to hurt.
I want to stand in the cold.
Rip away clothing, skin, flesh and bones.
I am INVISIBLE!
Transparent.
I am exposing myself
my soul
for the very first time.
I am nakedly free.
I am a universe of inhibitions
gravitating to myself.
Attaching myself to
myself
orbiting a confused state of ponderance.
I am an explosion.
I am an implosion. .
I am a deceptive inception
of existence.
Momentary.
I know.
I want to stand in the cold.
I want to coil into fetal position
entreat and weep.
I want to sobbingly beg
in the tongue
of a forgotten apostle
or fallen angel.
I want to courageously betray all my heart knows.
I am a traitor,
treacherously and faithfully betraying.
Yet.
I want to pray.
I just don’t know how.
I am clouded.
I am numb.
I am pain.
I want to stand in the cold.
I don’t want to feel.
I want to be cleansed.
kdtaylor, 2009
Section 8 Coffee Publications
All Rights Reserved.