Happy Birthday....

i know a man who can run
the future to a blurred stream
of our each and every yesterdays..
reliving each moment
day by day, one by one,
a second in each and every
breath of our shared life-time.
yes, my brother is that swift.....

so swift he soars and shape shifts...

blink. did you catch him?

yes, he's just that swift.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELTON R. FRANCIS

we miss you......

SHAZZA

Happy Birthday Shannon!!!!!!!

Miss You

rest easy...

bye daddy

my dad and stepmom went home today. i miss my dad already.. he always makes me feel like a little girl again.....

Dominoes...

nothing like playing dominoes with my Dad. We hung out most of the afternoon... he talking mad noise trying not to think or worry. we must have checked his local newspaper online a million times. we listened or watched cnn all day.... 3/4th of his hometown under water.. his neighbor says the house is okay. my grandmother's house has flooded. so has a distant cousin and aunt. here's the rest of the town.....

Daddy!!!

so my dad made it to austin. they are staying at the la quinta up the toll road (about 4 miles from me). no, the step monster doesn't want to stay at the house, doesn't want to be in the way. Two women can't run a house hold she says. Whatever, I guess ELM made three and that was too much. I wish they would have stayed, but it's cool. I'm glad they left early enough... they took their time with Rita and it took forever to arrive in Austin. he looks good. glad to see him. tomorrow maybe some dominoes.. don't know.

go home ike, tina's not here!!!

BIGGER THAN THE STATE? a storm as large as Texas? i understand you despise texas. tina did make her decision to abruptly leave you the 4th of july weekend in 1976. and it was DALLAS, not Galveston or Houston. I mean must the "depressed and colored" areas of the State suffer from your wrath. i'm not saying anyone should suffer, but damn..... are you here to finish what katrina and rita started? some people just got their lives back together. come on man, damn. I don't know how they chose hurricane names, but this one is definitely fitting, it appears the name Ike can be categorized as one abusive mofo...

Margaret R. Belise

The world mourned

I could only hold my breaths
which seemingly

escaped from estranged lungs
to collapse dramatically atop my rib cage.
When the first plane hit,

we couldn’t imagine,

couldn’t fathom...
Then the second plane blindsided

our thought’s memory,

reminding what we'd desperately tried to forget,

the tired, the hungry, the poor...

the huddled masses

drug us by the feet,

back into this life,
our life..
the here
the now…
And now..
I mourn alone.
Four years ago, my tower,
She 5’9 and 160 plus
Stood taller than any building
Straight erect, steel spined,

stronger than rock and mortar.
Eyes brazen,

reaching across miles, smiles,
And frowns…
Mirroring ancestral......

kdtaylor, 2008

section 8 coffee

four years ago today, while the world mourned the tragedy of 9/11... my tower collapsed.. and not to say that i don't feel for those persons who lost someone special in the tragic incident. i just have to bring it closer to home. Grand. i still miss you.

Sept Grace

I'm grateful -
for friendships that allow us to chat, sit and watch mindless television.
for having the love i deserve, even when i am not deserving.
dreams.
simple overstanding.
growth.
face book and my old friends... (validation)
G.O.D.
poems.
laughter.
a job i don't always like, but a job nonetheless.
breathing.
cleaning and breathing and laughing and remembering
E.W.F.
faith in that which cannot be seen but reveals itself in time...

a reminder...

09.09.04. the last time i talked to you. and when i was really hurting and missing you most. jill scott reminded me in a hidden track. i had listened to that cd many times and never heard that song, until that moment when i needed it most. that's my biggest jillio connection.

sometimes i don't recognize it, but i know.... you're still here. you're with me and you're helping me grow into the woman i am suppose to become. i think you'd be proud. i know you aren't sitting on some cloud watching me, but i like to think you're in my ear every once in a while. whispering to me, telling me everything i need to know.. when the time is right. i don't call your number anymore, because i'm afraid someone will answer it and it would break my heart. i don't know how many phones i've had since 2004, i know i've had at least two this year. your number transfers with the phone. you sit above me at work so when i lift my head it's you that i see. when i needed to be grounded i look ahead toward my mom. and of course when i search toward the heavens, my help cometh from....

I am a boisterous river I am a mountains story I am a quiet feeling I am a fragrant flower I am a moonlit evening I am a peaceful night I am a writers thinking I am a wealth unfathomed And if you don't recognize my presence, I am here And if you don't recognize me, I am here I am a source of power I am excited journey I am the rock of patience I am a whisper singing I am unbridled freedom I am the thought from thinking I am a love unshattered... jill scott

super woman, if you fly by one night,

I am reaching my hand to you in sisterhood and friendship. I am reaching for you. I am placing my hand out to pull you up and in when you want it. I will give you my hand when you decide you need it. I am and will be here. I want to reach deep inside you, and re-assure you, and let you know. I understand. It’s okay. I can’t say I’ve been where you are, but I’ve been some where near there. And it’s tiring. I know what it’s like to have a million answers to a thousand questions and not have the skill to solve the biggest mystery of them all. The key to personal happiness.
And I know, the many answers doubled with questions silence your spirit and arrest your soul, creating restless night, after night, after knight, after knight. And after reaching for the answers to everyone's problems, your personal goals, him, him and him.. reaching toward the darkened solitude of your mind is the only thing you know. ‘cuz, right now, it feels like the only thing you have left. I can tell you it isn't. You know that already. You know it is not the solace you need. Yet it feels good. And I know it makes you believe that you are at peace. It’s simply ONE piece of the pieces of the puzzle that puzzles the peace most and keeps us one piece shy of solving the puzzle. (alliterative verse)
I’m perplexed. I’ve never been good at puzzles. I’ve never had the patience but I'm good at riddles, and I'm listening. I'm listening closely for the alliterate verse and the double meaning behind each of your words. Because I want to solve you. I want to solve your problems for you.

And I like to believe I've been a good friend and that I'm good with you. I’m quick on my feet and slick with the lips, so I always believed that if, and that’s a big IF, the time came and there was a problem I could find the right words, to snatch you from the person I believed wronged, hurt or tried to take you from me. My active imagination would have never allowed me to believe, that person, my arch nemesis would be, YOU. My words have failed me and you know I can’t fight. So I am puzzled, I can't understand why I cannot say or hand you a piece of my peace to make you whole, again. Complete. And I want to, more than anything. I want to do for you what you’ve always done for me. Make me feel better. Make me laugh. Make me see the other side. Make me not feel sorry for myself. Make me, me again. Or maybe it was the G.O.D. in you that always provided the guidance…. And now I’m afraid, that I am gifted with the intention but not the action. Intellectually I know that’s not the case, but in my heart, I can’t help but struggle with you through your struggle.
I think that’s what friends do, at least the good ones. Not co-dependently, but you know.
And yes, I’m worried and sometimes I cry. Not so much that I don’t believe you can't or won’t find your way back, just so much that I don’t want you to forget. I don't want you to forget that "super" is a nickname and not your label. That nothing in this world can define you better than you! Just how wonderful and special you are. And that I want to be there for you like you’ve been there for me. And I want to sit in the darkness with you, hold your hand and tell you absolutely nothing but be there and listen to you breathe. To remind you that you don’t have to be alone. That you’re never alone.

And when you’re ready, we can pull away the covers, tie them upon our backs, open the blinds, and fly.. not toward the moon, but the heat of the sun.. because that what stars do... and you are my super....
xx0xx

ebony and ivory

I AM SO LOVING FACE BOOK!!! okay, so I found another friend... i found her through her daughter (sydnee) who was like my daughter. syd was in my daycare class. (yes, believe it or not, i taught a daycare class 2 yr olds in the morning and 4 and 5 yr olds in the afternoon every mon. weds. and fri. i only had classes on tuesday and thursday. i was really good at it. if i hadn't been dumb i could have been the nanny for the birdwells who offered me room, board and to pay half my tuition for grad school if i worked for them upon graduation. i couodn't do it, i liked to party too much. and the birdwells were another story, their kids were similar to the ad i posted a few days ago. no one wanted them in their class, they responded to me well though. i found jason on facebook as well, he is doing well.) ANYWAY syd followed me everywhere at the day care and i took her everywhere with me outside of daycare. actually syd was only two (like amy birdwell) and was in my class because she cried if I was there and she wasn't with me. anyway shauna and i became fast friends. SHE is the FRIEND OF ALL FRIENDS!!! like for real, for real. we lost touch after I moved to Dallas. (i mean she is like adrienne, terry and bola. my friends from junior high and undergrad!) thanks angel!!!! i mean my gosh! you guys just REALLY don't understand. Me and this WOMAN.. were Ebony and Ivory... like for real.. for real.. i have looked for her on and off for about 6 years. the first thing syd wrote in her e-mail was "my mom said she's been waiting on your call or just knock on her door." when i spoke to her this morning, she said, "you know you're elusive butt can't be found on anything, what took you so damn long?"
me i just laughed and smiled.

"...easy bake oven? You got a point, but dolls.."

so i was cleaning and thinking, thinking and cleaning away my thoughts and another september. ran across the HBO project, Chelle and I doing "Dollology" at the 2006 National Poetry Slam Quarterfinal bout at the Hide Out Mic Theater.

i dislike dolls, for too many reasons to explain in this post.

we went hard. that was really a good piece. that easy bake oven and knocker bocker thing was hilarious. you can really hear the crowd getting the points. funny the things we dealt with the weeks leading to that moment. funnier, despite and in spite she is a person i prolly couldn't go a week without seeing or talking to...

i was reminded of something she said... then something angel said. then brian. then i laughed. i watched the performance over and over again laughing. that was a good time.

it's funny when people get you. funnier when you get them. priceless when you get each other. thanks to all who manage to "get each other"!

"dollology, the field of study that teaches..." actually it, the poem and the process, taught me a lot.

tonight...

i want to rest in your twilight.
wrap my arms around your goodnights.
bask in your dawn.
taste the good of morning dew upon the sweet of your lips.
if you let me, i will even embrace your darkness.
cloak my light around us and
pray ,
sing,
cry,
(with you
and for you )
until the sun breaks into a gazillion starry wishes.
for real.. i will...
kdtaylor, 2008
section 8 coffee publications
all rights reserved

Another September

the conception of beauty is synonymous with rain storming in her eyes…
and I want to take the pleasure of her pressure away.
regret swells within her bosom, like cumulus clouds on long, sweltering days,
graying the blue in her lifetime of skies.
her opaque dreams crash torrential tomorrows,
she is unable to see the promise of today .
she, timid in forgiveness, wears anguish like her favorite fragrant;
voraciously ravenous to some, implausible in mine.
the maliciousness of love continues to plague her soul,
and I simply want to guide her toward the rapture
of adoration and love that lies,
just outside the window of her
graying blue skies..

kdtaylor, 2008
section 8 coffee publications
all rights reserved

WANT AD Disclaimer

I wish I could take credit for the Want-Ad. I can't. I was an actual posting on Craig's List. It was filled over the weekend.

My Favorite Auntie!!!

Happy Birthday Barbara J. Moore.. (RIP)

SUZY

i love you and miss you, especially your laugh!!!

Legend
(Purple Pieces)

the greatest stories never told
are deeply buried in prose
beneath crow’s feet.
are scrawled in pidgin
riding waves of laugh lines.
are hidden, haphazardly
thrown between folds of skin.
wrinkled, tattered, torn,
pieced together,
layered thinly,
forced to stretch
beyond what can wildly be imagined.
emoting that which is
seldom shared,
hidden from self…
spoken only, to God
in the thunderous booms
between breaks
of silence and quiet.
at times,
it is synchronized to the twinkle
of gases masquerading as stars
in the light of night.
tatted vividly, tribal like,
around arms muscled
into weakness.
appearing frail,
remaining strong.
lift your head…
like you, it’s simply beautiful.
it doesn’t mean you have aged
it simply shows that you have lived..
having spent each
second to minute by hour
tumbling toward twilight,
skipping upon droplets of
multi-colored tears.
child-like, a picture book
sharing tales which have no words..
your footprints,
rain bowed characters
carrying torched songs
for others to sing
at the break of dawn.
there are ancient patios
upon sacred scrolls,
etched masterfully
in the arch of your back
with each move, bend
and curve your story unfolds…
haikus and poems
darken love and life lines
along your palms
healing others, sometimes self
leaving just enough of you behind…
for others to remember,
to reminisce…
so say stories seldom told
are the ones hidden behind
the rose tinted smile..
in smooth ridge of
lyrics lying softly upon lips
speak..
easy..
sing.
praise.
kdtaylor

what d fck? need a job?

Live in Nanny Needed for 4 kids (Pls don't call
them "Precious Ones") (Upper East Side)
Reply to: comm-804253499@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-08-19, 9:04PM EDT

My kids are a pain in the ass. Just in the past hour, i have had to tell each one to do something more than once. oldest: can i have soda? it's just a sprite? please? can i? no, no and no.
the next one...don't even get me started. seriously.
the twin six year olds: one wanted dessert before her dinner was over, one kept wanting to know why I wouldn't let nine year olds swing her around by her limbs. (the fear of a dislocated shoulder did nothing.)
Please help me.
I can be a tad difficult to work for. I'm loud, pushy and while I used to think we paid well, i am no
longer sure. i work from home, so you get the pleasure of being hounded by me all day long. and, you get to pretend to like me, because i am deeply sensative. (but well dressed and a know it all, a winning combination I assure you.)
If you cannot multi task, or communicate without being passive aggressive, don't even bother
replying.
If you are the type who doesn't notice crumbs on the table, skip to the next post, because crumbs are a deal breaker. they put me over the edge.
i have all sorts of theories on how to stack my dishwasher, and if you are judgemental about ritalin for adhd, or think such things are caused by too much sugar, again, deal break city.
You do get a separate entrance excellent studio on the ues. you do get air conditioner and internet connection and cable. even hbo. and showtime. you can bring your spouse, roommate or partner, but sorry no kids. If you ask, can i bring my kid, the answer will be...anyone? anyone? No.
If you can cook, all the better. otherwise, i'll teach you all sorts of things about pasta. (Here's a freebie, butter and parmesean, mmmmmm)
If you know anything about chess and violin i will be impressed.
We are not snobs, which is good. but then again, my kid sometimes swears to make a point. (We're working on it, but halfheartedly, because, well the apple doesn't fall far from the fucking
tree.)Although I am told they are all very bright, they have not mastered the use of the oh so
complicated napkin. This is a napkin Junior, say it after me...Nap Kin. Good boy.
i am not looking for Super nanny, or anyone who wants this job because they will love my kids as if they are their own. you won't. really. they are infinitely lovable, but trust me, they're mine and you will move on when your journey with us is over, and save for some funny stories and a delightful email every now and again, you won't grieve. Nor will we. (okay, we did all grieve a few of our past sitters, oddly they were all named Sarah or Kate, or Nikki. And Leah. Leah was delightful, even if she did drop my twin babies off our couch during a family gathering. Good times.
I don't want someone who has a lot of theories on the right way to raise kids, because in the end, I'm just a woman doing my best. I'm willing to learn from you, or anyone, but not so much about how i Live in Nanny Needed for 4 kids should parent my spawn. teach me to knit. introduce me to yoga, the white stripes, russian literature or the best place to get a burger in the village at 2Am, but do not tell me to put star stickers on a good boy chart. stickers irritate me.
If you are fundamentally unhappy with your life, you will be more unhappy if you take this job, so do us all a favor and get some treatment or move to the Rockies, but do not apply for employment with us. Also, if you suspect all wealthy women are frivilous, we are not for you. I do not want to hide my occasional bergdorf shopping bag.
If you smoke, please quit. don't apply either, but please quit. i have known too many people diagnosed with cancer this year. Even if you are a judgemental nanny 911 wannabe, no one should have to endure some of the things I have wittnessed.
You gotta be able to drive with a valid license, but if you've ever hit a human,move to the next post.
You won't have to drive in the city, but if we go to our weekend place together, or if you make it to the summer and still work for us, we need you to run into town to get some pink milk, so be able to drive a mini van.
Can you swim? Swimming is good.
If you do drugs or drink enough so that you are grumpy in the morning and grumpier at night prior to that next cocktail, call AA, and peruse craigslist childcare positions when you have a year sober. I'll probably be looking again, and now is the time for you to focus on yourself anyway.
I need a team player. I need someone to back me up when it comes to remembering when the library books are due, and whether i have rsvped to that birthday party yet.
Help me dear G-d keep track of our skim milk supply and also, also, also, what should I make for
dinner tomorrow night?
the hours are 7 in the morning to 8:30 in the morning. We'd be in it together, getting the kids out with clean faces, brushed teeth and some food in their bellies. Doesn't that sound easy? Doesn't that sound doable?
Then come on back for a fun filled afternoon 2:15-8:15 of activities and playdates and snacks and
dinners and homework and riveting conversations about global warming, hannah montana and guitar hero.
When you do get to go home (to that swanky studio and possibly a significant other or buddy) your time off will be respected. If I would like you to give extra hours, i'll ask. if you say yes, you get paid 15/ hour. if you say no, I will not fire you or hate you. Except if it is a school holiday or if i have a sick kid, then i might ask, and unless you have a final exam worth 2/3 of your grade or tix The Lion King, you may need to help out.
Okay, if you're still reading this ad, it means:
a) i am a halfway decent writer and maybe i really will get that book deal i'm yearning for
b) you need a job desparately
c) you think this just might be destiny, and that you could be one of the few, the proud, the potential babysitter of our dreams.
D) you want all the information about job requirements, so that you can write me emails about how I should stay home with my kids otherwise they are going to grow up to be sociopaths. (If my pen pal is out there, wassup? Found love yet? No? How 'bout that.)
best of luck to all of you in your search for a job. Seriously. Job searching sucks. No two ways about
it.
RLS

(Pls don't call them "Precious... http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/kid/804253499.html
8/27/08 5:59 PM
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 804253499
Copyright ©

this just in.OBAMA, paint the White House BLACK!!!

for real? a vagina is not what any REAL Clinton Supporter was looking for. And a REAL CLINTON SUPPORTER IS A DEMOCRAT! Hilary was quoted, "We (women) should all be proud of historic nomination... while their policies will take America in the WRONG DIRECTION!" McCain, I think you and George Bush drank the f'cing kool-aid. America is not this DUMB!!!! And neither are its women.

Does he really think that even his party will go for this shit? 6000 e-mails in ONE HOUR to CNN! "

"The Vice President candiaite, I belive is most prepared to take my place, that would be the key criteria." John McCain April 2008. Fck I thought he'd pick Mitt. He could have gotten more WOMEN votes.

Obama, call up Farrakhan and get the F.O.I. to be the Secret Service. Baby, my birthday is gonna be rocking... I'm on my way to Chocolate City with my can of black paint!!! January 20th 2009!!!!

also, please send prayers to New Orleans and Houston, that bastatrd Gustavo is getting stronger, 75 MPH could speed up to 120MPH by Monday morning.

Happy Friday!!!!! Thursday was a great night to be NEO

"Poetry is an orphan of silence. The words never quite equal the experience behind them."
Poetry Quotes by Charles Simic American Poet born in 1938

the obama and other thoughts...

so i decided i didn't want to play the game. i talked to at least three people who i truly like, and gave them some info. i do like you.

be leary of those carrying news, they often are leaving some pretty important information out; WHAT THEY SAID. i'm glad i'm older. damn.

people need lives. repeating only half the truth does not make you honest, it makes you a LIAR. i never get that.

anyway.. i got a grateful list to get started on.

• facebook thanks angel. i found three old friends.


• a new poetry season.


• getting done with my work.


• a long weekend.


• say anything this past saturday was great.


• lalove is now known as meme the grandma poet!!! she has a granddaughter!


• someone who loves me as much as i love them.


• my girl, angel.


• eb and the play. proud of you niecey.


• memories.


• laughing from the gut.


• wisdom. wisdom. wisdom.


• staying in my lane and enjoying the view.


• i no longer need the word frenemy... it's all about perspective.


• i was spying and it looks like fay and ray are gonna be okay. and that makes me smile. i love young black love.


• neo looks like it's gonna be fire, well it feels like it.


• game's up.. find someone else to rile up.. she ain't here.

michelle obama, faces, and other thoughts..

tonight a good friend and i were having a discussion regarding michelle obama and the "sister face". you know the one, without your permission, an expression come across your face telling the whole world what you were feeling or thinking... she brought a very good point, what if that's just her "look". you know that "impress me" look. that i'm just being me.. we continued the conversation thinking she'd prolly be hellacool if she was your home girl, 'cuz we would just get her and it wouldn't be anything to us. it would just be that Obama.

then i asked her the unthinkable... "do i do that?" i knew the answer before she said a word. OF COURSE i do. mostly at poetry or around people i don't know. then i was reminded of the question asked to others but never to me. "why doesn't she like me." because i have that Obama. that sister look. that i'm in my zone minding my business and my thoughts look.

damn. do i have to like every f'ing body is what my evil self would say. funny, i like MOST people, it's just the few i don;t like seem to be the places i frequent. (LOL) no, i'm really old school. my great grand and grand instilled in me, "the welcome wagon ain't always welcoming." and my most recent one, "a box of friendly puppies doesn't safe guard ANYONE from the full blown bitch/dog, one is bound to become once it gets older, wiser and bitter.." in other words, smiles and laughs can be very deceptive. so can the Obama. or the that's just my look.

i think of the people who have come eagerly up to me in most instances in my life. now all of them weren't bad. they never really became long term friends. you know, i'm old school. i want to get to know you. watch you. know something about you. i don't trust anyone that's too f'ing familiar with me. don't know the color of my eyes, let alone my name. and sometimes i want to ask people, "what color are my eyes, are my teeth crooked, which pair of glasses did i have on last night, what color is my hair, does my breath stink?" cuz you know what, they don't know! yet they would make judgement about my character. think about what i'm writing.. let it marinate. it's poignant... that's why i don't write anyone the press they believe they need/want from me.

i always ask this, "what is wrong with YOUR self esteem that you would care if i liked you or not? how did you come to this conclusion? because i didn't hug you? because i wasn't talking to you? because i want to sit alone?" here are a few answers to pass on. don't ever care about what someone thinks of YOU more than YOU think of yourself. i always say, "damn, my loss, are they that great that i should be breaking my neck to get to know them?" or "they need a hug? or my new favorite, "they need a nap!" i don't like fcking hugging people. FOR REAL. i have huge allergies and allergy related asthma... that smokey ass venue, her perfume, his colonge, some one's bad breath, a stank ass, hell MAYBE I STINK, whatever!!! for real, my nose is fcking sensitive. if you pay attention (I REALLY DON'T WANT YOU TO) i only hug the same few people. we worked hard for that right. you know what, i'm closest to angel and we never HUG. and i only hug people when some random ass person makes me feel guilty then i hug EVERYONE BEGRUDGINGLY!!! i don't aways feel like talking. my job requires i talk all day to some damn body. i don't want to think. and the truth of the matter is with some people you have to think while you're talking to them, because they always got an angle or a hustle. and if it's neo, i came to poetry to hear POETRY... and i truly like to sit alone. i don't sit down anyway, so why would i sit with you, only to leave and you ask, "why did she leave."

and i was wondering does michelle have to go through all of this. i mean "wwmd?" i don't have a perm so i can't do that flawless do thing. secondly, i am not getting any closer to obama than the television so, people don't have to kiss my ass. maybe i should start clapping in front of my face, like michelle does. that way she's not such a target..

i have to go to neo, so i'll finish tomorrow. i promise.

To my supporters, my champions — my sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits — from the bottom of my heart: Thank you.

....And after so many decades — 88 years ago on this very day — the 19th amendment guaranteeing women the right to vote would be forever enshrined in our Constitution.
My mother was born before women could vote. But in this election my daughter got to vote for her mother for president.
This is the story of America. Of women and men who defy the odds and never give up.
How do we give this country back to them?
By following the example of a brave New Yorker, a woman who risked her life to shepherd slaves along the Underground Railroad.
And on that path to freedom, Harriet Tubman had one piece of advice.
If you hear the dogs, keep going.
If you see the torches in the woods, keep going.
If they're shouting after you, keep going.
Don't ever stop. Keep going.
If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.
Even in the darkest of moments, ordinary Americans have found the faith to keep going.
I've seen it in you. I've seen it in our teachers and firefighters, nurses and police officers, small business owners and union workers, the men and women of our military — you always keep going.
We are Americans. We're not big on quitting.
But remember, before we can keep going, we have to get going by electing Barack Obama president.
We don't have a moment to lose or a vote to spare.
Nothing less than the fate of our nation and the future of our children hang in the balance.
I want you to think about your children and grandchildren come election day. And think about the choices your parents and grandparents made that had such a big impact on your life and on the life of our nation.
We've got to ensure that the choice we make in this election honors the sacrifices of all who came before us, and will fill the lives of our children with possibility and hope.
That is our duty, to build that bright future, and to teach our children that in America there is no chasm too deep, no barrier too great — and no ceiling too high — for all who work hard, never back down, always keep going, have faith in God, in our country, and in each other.
Thank you so much. God bless America and Godspeed to you all.
Hilary Rodman Clinton 2008...

If you heard it, listened to it, read it, or heard about it. This is why this woman means so much to American Political History, Gender and Women's Studies, as well as Political Science and US/World History.

I will vote for Barack Obama. Unlike most Hilary supporters it was never a question. I always supported him and his cause. Today, as in the last 18 months, it has been more important to me to identify myself as a WOMAN first. History was being made on both sides. I can always refuse to answer the question regarding race/ethnicity on any application, but I must always answer GENDER. Michelle made me proud to be a Woman of Color. Hil just made me proud and reminded me that I never want to be a well behaved woman!!!!

Facebook, my new toy..

so angel talked me into joining facebook. first thought, no, not another social network!!!! but, you know what I love it..

gratitude

a moment at bnv that reminded me that life is too short...

• three poetry scenes blend lovely (Under 21, Neo and Austin AP) let's continue to move forward.
• a ride to the beach... a memorial and a boat ride.
• the dolphin poking from the depth of her soul.. she is our ocean. (really)
• the beauty of the sky mother of pearl (say what!!)
• the love we allow ourselves that continue to grow into vulnerable acceptance of our human frailties.
• speed sand walking races...
• friendships and sisterhood that continue to expand and reach further than we ever imagined.
• my heart is murmuring words..
• falling in love again.. and again.. and again.
• rain.
• atl love, we need a road trip people..
• the promise of another big chill!
• for her allowing, loving and trusting me. shannon, i am doing all i can.
• radio silence.. what!
• watching you perform in another play. baby imma star.
• my girl. angel. for real.
• looking forward to another slam season. adult and u21.
• g.o.d i mean what can i do without you and those who allow you to work on me through them.

NPS Finals

When I say the night was electric, it is not an exaggeration, but an understatement.

It started with a very moving tribute to Shannon. An empty stage with watery blue lights shining toward a microphone. Neo Soul's slam team along with moi, performed (in the stage wings) Shelia's Poem to Shannon. I added a touch of Yeat's A Prayer for My Daughter (for Jono and B-Fran). Faye sang "Turn Around) beautifully under stress, and Chelle and I read the body of Shelia's work.

A text from my girl Angel along with a few LJ entries let me know my/our/THE goal was accomplished. 1) A beautifully moving tribute. 2) a reminder that it's always about the people who aren't there, who aren't able to speak to us or for themselves. The hundreds of people who wanted/wished they could have been at nationals 3) egoless (not about any one person, or team. I don't think people even know who performed the poem. 4) a great way to start a great show.

Mind you, there were other things that occurred prior to our performance but... you know. I was behind the stage.

HIGHLIGHTS

• marty mcconnell (beautiful for real)


• rachel ( i mean, why not?)


• andy f'ng buck.


• chris lee


• the charlotte team's eerie stalker/rapist piece, i mean blues's voice coming out of this woman's mouth was mad crazy...


• boston cantab (the devil piece.. holy crap!)

the following bittersweet highlights

• my last 2 pieces of balsamic vinegar peperoni pizza from ian's


• last stroll down state st.


• last glimpse of all the poets' hanging outside of the theater


• jumping in a cab in front of ian's, saying good night madison, austin has left the building


• naming madison wi, madison, texas,


• actually naming everything and everyone/team that was DEEMED cool as Texas. i.e. St. Louis, Texas. Madison, Texas.


• the long as drive back to chicago


• telling the team to walk outside and sit in front of the sky cab so that we could AVOID the three hour lines inside.. i mean even at 3:30 am there is a line.


• getting kicked out of madison. damn i loved it there. i mean we didn't have a crowd, but man, DIDN'T WE HAVE ONE HUGE WORD ORGY!!!

NPS 2008

I had hoped I had it in me to recap the entire week day by day. I don't. There are some things I'd rather keep to myself. Yes, it was that good. Even more, magical. I want to thank the team for allowing me to be a small part of their success, and no matter what anyone says or believes it was a success.
Monday Hi-lights

• registering at the host hotel and seeing everyone again.
• Damn it was good to enjoy NPS away from Austin, it had been too long (2 years).
• seeing Mo's big ass wide smile.
• Dasia Kelly
• Walking through downtown Madison aka Pleasantville
• hooking up with Oakland, even if for a minute
• promises of clubbing with Mona (San Fran) and Original Woman (Slam Nuba)
• clicking with the other Texas Teams
• Lovely recognizing and calling me and Chelle out on the street! (2006 finals STAND UP)
• missing most of the opening party
• riding back and forth around the corner screaming Texas in the SUV!
• secretly hating on, but loving them nonetheless, Denver Slam Nuba for being almost as sexy as us in all their scooterific glory!

Tuesday Highlights

• Supporting TEAM AUSTIN AP!!!! they fought hard.
• Slam Nuba's (we cut heads) and their unrelenting thrashing at the Orpheum
• Maze Forever... I could be his stalker.
• Charlotte's Pendulum Poem. OH MY GOSH!
• Ian's Pizza.
• Mango Margarita's at Frida's
• Late night talks with Angel
• Hanging with the team.
• Rookie Slam

Wednesday Highlights

• B and I wearing our I "heart" DC shirts, before the bout with them.
• Beating DC Baltimore with little, if any question and without looking over our shoulder.
• walking about a half mile to go see Austin's second bout, but missing the bout of all bouts to do so.
• talking to Original woman most of the night during the bout. sister is amazing.
• sneaking over to the other venue and listening to the poem by the "other" Charlotte Team. "Let's fall in love like white people!" It was hilarious.
• Listening to Scott Woods do "Cho". That was magnificent.
• Late night talks with Angel. That is my girl!!!!!
• Dinner at Jamerica. Man it was gooooood!
• The love that was shown to us by the other teams during our bout before their bouts. Thanks Austin and NuYo
• Did I say winning the bout. Our set: team-I Am Poetry, Jono-Eternity Rising, B/Jono-2 Brothers, and Faye-Transdance
• Erotic slam and meeting Mason. He was weirdly funny.

Thursday Highlights

• Winning our BOUT DECISIVELY! four rounds of individuals!!! Set - Faye-I Never Sleep Alone, Jono-MapleSap, Brian-Struggle and Chelle-Vee-Dubs. In case you didn't know that was Neo-Soul History.
• The Vancouver chant after each time penalty "you rat bastards, you're ruining it for everyone, but it was well worth it!
• The Shannon tribute and sitting with Shelia. I lost it. But found it. Missy's love and support of the team and us as individuals. Dang girl, I loves you....
• The Sisterspeak reading was weak, but enjoyable.
• Teasing Angel on the street. She is so my sisterfriend, and "social". (LOL)
• Ian's pizza
• Getting kicked off Frida's porch.
• We're in semi's beaches!!! yes I meant it that way, and we are ranked 5th in the nation.

then somewhere in the night, a log drops on our heads. actually the following morning. after slammaster's meeting we are not bouting against who we thought.

Friday's Highlight's

• Slammaster's meeting, man there are some vindictive, racist people in the world, it's funny.. for real. and yes it was a highlight to watch each attempt FAIL.
• Finding out that we are in the "bout of all bouts" NY Louder Arts, NY NuYo, Berkley, and Silver City which is actually the dang ALBQ team from 2005.
• Standing in our words. Standing in our words.
• Poets of record.
• Jono's entry into the adult world.
• B's desire to help that happen.
• Shannon's tribute.
• Group night finals.
• Oh my gosh the sperm in the balcony, just keep swimming Chicago Mental Graffiti is off the chain.
• watching some poets see neo just a little different. Whoever is on the team and whoever coaches, please follow the path this team had laid.
• Berkley's my third eye steal and people recognizing they stole it from us!
• The Open Mic on the State Street. That was the best, I LOVE OHIO!!!! I got to hear Donielle's "girl scout" piece among some amazing poetry! Prolly the best of the best and it was love. Dave H even did the Superman Ali piece! That night was the best of the week.

Even though we did not make it to finals. We did. No one really remembers who won, but they remember Jono's piece. I am happy that he trusted us to allow that moment to occur. I love this team like Fam. you guys worked hard when you needed to and it showed. Thanks for expanding your box and purpose in this WORLD!

tomorrow finals night.

Up, Up and Away

Crack of dawn, Sunday morning, after a very emotional night, Team NEO NEO departs the ATX in search of adventure.

We arrive in Chi-town. We are amp!!! Only to find out

• one of our team-mates has lost ALL OF HER MONEY.
• Denver Slam Nuba beat us there probably by a .1 of a second. (2006 comes to mind)
• They will not allow us to have additional drivers on the rental car without additional plastic. In other words a credit card per driver.
• There is no Starbuck's in the friggin' airport.

All of that quickly changes as

• B-fran always has a plan.
• Starbuck's is less then a mile away.
• we just rode the electric walk like surfers!
• and we cracked mad jokes. (private ones of course, but they were mad funny)

We make it to the rental car place. Peep this we got a HUGE TEXAS STYLE SUV, doing it way big. We wander around Chi-Town, grab some pizza, laugh, joke, bond and arrive in Madison well before dark. WE EAT (or attempt to eat) THE BEST SUNDAE in the world, we stopped at Margie's Candies.

We (The Team and I) all checked into our hotels. Our hotels were walking distance, connected by parking lots right next door to each other.

Angel met me at the hotel lobby and we proceeded to check out Madison WI. Took the hotel shuttle to downtown Madison.

Quaint, cute.

more to come....

WARRIOR- A TRIBUTE TONIGHT @ RUTA MAYAS

Borrowed from 300 -

"A thousand tongues of the poetic empire descend upon you. Our words will blot out the sun!"

FOR OUR WARRIOR

NEO, not the GROUPIES/WANNA BE(s) Stand UP!

Last night was, I cannot say how incredibly pleased I am. I was introduced as the Coach of the Neo-Soul Slam team. Now, I cannot accept that title, for many reasons. 1) I haven't worked with them all season, and 2) most importantly, I cannot take credit for what is truly theirs to share with the world.

We know there has been the occasional naysayer that believes, as they did in 2006.. The team ain't blank without _____ and they really need _____ to do any good, or (s)he's gonna have to carry them. NUCK DAT! Ain't nobody carrying any one. THEY ARE ALL 1 SLOTS. THEY CAN ALL BE CALLED IN A PINCH. I think they showed everyone that! And I truly believe in each and everyone one of them. And happy that each received the acceptance, recognition and appreciation for their body of work. Last night each and everyone of them STOOD ON THEIR OWN.

Humbly and honestly, I cannot take credit for that. None of it. I wish I could. I want to thank them as well for this..

you made my night fantastic, you renewed my faith in words, you truly MOVED me.

let's show madison who we are and what we're made of!!!!

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING SATURDAY!!!!

They Call Me WARRIOR! people will remember... SATURDAY NIGHT 08.02.08 RUTA MAYA'S WORLD HEADQUARTERS...

and i know you're prolly like, "what the hell?", shaking your head in embarrassment by all the attention. wondering why we aren't moving on with our lives? in your heart of hearts, you already know why. your mother needs us. yet, i'm posting this for you and i to have a momentary chuckle... you already know i'm gonna get one as soon as it gets cold..

okay. i don't know anything anymore.. i mean absolutely nothing.

I know where you will be SATURDAY NIGHT 08.02.08

shameless...

okay would it be shameless to post another picture of the DOG I want? okay, i bet it is... so i won't.

PLEASE A DOLLAR TO ANYONE

Please help me start a campaign for ELM to get me this DOG for XMAS.. or MY BIRTHDAY...

dog gone tired and grateful

It's been a while since I've actually written a grateful list. I have been grateful for so many things lately, despite and in spite.

• G.O.D. - your grace, wisdom and ever growing presence in my daily, not just spiritual life. Yes, i am tragically, human, yet you are keenly aware and show me forgiveness daily.


• memories - every moment in our lives is an opportunity to create memories, i thank G.O.D for memories (all of them).


• DC - yup I'm thankful. learned so much about youth programming. made wonderful connections. and had a lot of fun with two of them - subways, u street, shopping for tennis shoes/jewelry, their performance on the street for the AKA's, eating Ben's famous chili on Friday, listening to them, learning, meeting his friends from home, her vulnerability, his Lupe'ness. meeting sonia sanchez and manual algarin, them signing my book bag, jumping off a bus and seeing marc marcel's beautiful grin, talking and joking with stan lathan, hanging out with swollen ankles, so many more beautiful memories...


• Chillaxing in Madison - yup, looking forward to hanging out with friends, chilling to poetry, and music on the LAKE!! I SEE YOU DK! and because i believe, they believe and i want them to make others' believers.


• my family - a week with my niece and ELM's niece. was fun, funner, and funnier. they made me believe in children and youth again. my sis just goofy. my nephew, the future.


• SAYOM/Funky Mike - bigger and better. thanks for being a patient partner.


• my family that came to me through friendship - especially, the big five. angel.eb.b.chelle.mzj (thank you for getting to know or always knowing my heart.) it means a lot and it doesn't go unnoticed.


• my home - thanks for always being some one i can crawl, cry, hide, scream, and love. (HARD AND DESPERATE) it will never be the four walls or the things we accumulate together. it will always be the brown of your eyes and your smile that shelter and comfort me most!


• my new lap top. thanks for looking out, both of you. i don;t know anything about vista, but i love everything else.


• conversations - i've listened, read, heard and listened again. gotcha.


• letting go - i cannot change to accommodate anyone, nor do i expect anyone to change to accommodate me. i've been practicing letting go and letting g.o.d. baby steps.


• my new mantra: i respect your do, respect my done. t-shirt coming soon.


• knowing grudges and anger are much to heavy to carry. i want to walk with my head tall, and the only way to do it is to drop burdens that are not mine to carry.


• COPA/MO see you next week.


• an unexpected call from a tree! damn girl i've missed you.

GO SHORTY!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STINK!!

STACYE L GAFFORD-GREENE

my younger sis!

my thursday night with a 10 and 11 yr. old

hobby lobby for messenger bags and paints and iron ons to decorate them wing stop austin park and pizza h.e.b. for ice cream creation of the most beautiful bags outside of paris. it was goofy hat night. we took pictures. i made a fool of myself, they laughed.

truly they were the poetry i needed most.

wednesday...

god...
i've made mistakes. i've done what is asked. or at least i've worked diligently to be the best me. it may not be what others want, see or understand. i thank you for those who truly understand and love me and my flaws..

i am grateful to be me.
i am grateful for the love in my life.
i am grateful for the mistakes i've made
i am grateful for the lessons i've learned
i am grateful for the opportunity to learn

i don't know how to deal with loss.
i don't know how to deal with grief.
it reminds me of the love and life i once had.
i am grateful for that time and those people.
g.o.d. i miss them and remembering doesn't make my loss any easier
i still hurt, and am sad
i am grateful to know these things about me.

i miss those things that are so familiar that i don't have to think.
i am grateful for once having that space in my life.

i disappoint, i am selflessly, selfishly human.

i am grateful for knowing that about my self.

thanks for the breaths g.o.d. i will try not to waste them

congrats to the poets who won..

DC HIGHLIGhTS

my grand used to say..

some kids would be happy to wear that outfit ( A DRESS with PURSE UGH!), go out of town to visit their family (the cousin with no cable in the country!), family time this friday (gonna miss terry's party), eat vegetables in a restaurant (spinach), be home by mid-night (gonna miss the party after the game). you can't go over there, i don't know her mother (u make me sick) call me when you get there (dang, nobody else has to call.) her favorite line, there's nothing out there open but legs and bars. you can't get into a bar and you better not be...

i had a chance to think about it. last week was one of the most disappointing times of my life with young people.

i will not nor will i encourage any of my friends to donate ANY MORE time or money to the CURRENT 2008 U21 team. i watched my money and time, as well as a close friend's money go to waste on disrespectful, ungrateful children with a poor sense of entitlement. to think they squandered an opportunity to truly represent the the city of Austin, themselves, their parents, The Organization, Shannon's name and memory.

it's not so much about the time penalty or the scores... i was okay with not going to semis and finals. (i mean from every one's mouth it was about the love.) ironic, there was no love or consideration given to the people who worked their ass off to get them there. the people who worked their ass off to keep them safe. or the sacrifices made to get them there. DESPITE our own level of discomfort, grief and pain, we sucked it up and said the show must go on. i did not want to go (nor did a few others), but i had to step out of myself to allow the kids this opportunity.

there will be some who believe it wasn't that bad. people over reacted. guess what, you can say that, it's your value system. but in mine, in my little world. Adults don't curse kids. Kids don't curse adults. Kids don't disrespect adults. Kids follow the rules of the ORGANIZATION THAT PAID FOR THE TRIP! No f'ing one way tickets so we can send you HOME WHEN YOU ARE DISRESPECTFUL... See in my world YOUR PARENTS HAVE TO NOT ONLY PAY YOUR WAY IN LIFE, BUT LIVE AND DEAL WITH YOU. I DON'T. i should have never, (nor should anyone else) have to plea with anyone to follow the f'ing rules and stay with the group. i mean you read the lines in the first paragraph, my grand wasn't playing.

so when i promised four parents I would take care of their children as i would take care of my own. i wasn't playing. not on my watch. no weed smoking. no drinking.. no screwing. do that when you get back home. and sorry, call me old fashioned, i always want to know where children under my supervision are, especially in a city i know nothing about, even if they are 18 or 19.

in retrospect the idea of not sending a team, was hella better than what happened in DC. for real. AGAIN this in my opinion. i operate under a totally different system. i don't know anyone else's system and if it works for you work it. just not on my watch. i pray that the revamping of U21 organizational rules and the Board will quickly put this incident behind us and set a stage for next year's team to flourish...

Thank G.O.D. WE are NOT GOING TO QUIT because we know there are some kids out there who are willing to eat the FCKING VEGETABLES!

MOM

Happy Birthday..

MARY ELIZABETH TAYLOR

America, WHY????

Every time we think we may be able to forgive your dumb ass, you pull a Jim Carey and become DUMBER AND DUMBER!!!!

It's three o'clock

and she's having conversations with herself that she doesn't want to have.
refused to have.
afraid to wake the demons lurking in the shadows of her prayers,
and the forestry of her conscious....

i suffer from the black woman superhuman syndrome. believing i can handle everything. believing i am superhuman, often avoiding those internal triggers that tells the average person, 'you're taking on too, too, much."

a series of events, most recent the tragic loss of a young woman who i admired immensely. forced me to take a look at my mortality, and that of those around me. then of course, i got in my way. and began to worry...

it took me to a dark place. not as dark as some. but it was pretty dark. and i began to think of how we take care of ourselves, our mental health. in our community we do not seek assistance, we self diagnosis, ignore and continue to move forward as if...

and i realized, i couldn't. not because i wanted to hold onto the pain. nor was i comfortable in my fear. and believe me, i've been very fearful these day. i just realized, man, "i'm f'ing tired." and i realized something else. the void. the spiritual void that has ever increased as i have chased dollars, cars, homes, friends, relationships, you name it. i've chased it. believing with each trinket i would find more happiness. not really believing it lies deep within me.

and i remembered what my great grand and grand used to say. he will never give us anything we can't carry. and we never really carry the load ourselves. remember those footsteps in the sand? so i stepped back, took a deep breath, prayed and asked for help.

dang.. i am beginning to feel better. breathe. let go. let G.O.D.

Outspoken, balanced and knowledgeable... If you were a StrangeLittleGirl, you would be....
Real Men.
You are the type of person who appreciates the balance of yin and yang, anima and animus. You embrace these elements of yourself freely and equally. Your life is about balance, about finding the perfect middle ground and harmonious state. You are also a very outspoken person, and you use your knowledge to educate others and try and make a difference in the world. You particularly dislike labels and stereotypes, preferring to think of people as fluid on all levels, personality and sexuality included. You're a strong, passionate person.
"And so it goes, go round again...."

Until we meet again...

moment of silence and rememberance...

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun..W.H. Auden

This is a snippet of the inscription left in the chap book, Fuck Me Human. I purchased the book because I was so proud of her. And I had to have a small piece , a token of her meteoric rise as a woman and a touring poet. She was the first "U-21 poet" I'd seen. I mean, I've seen kids do the recitations, but she was the one! A beast, and I believe she was only 15. She was competing at Ego's, and if I remember correctly Love gave me a little nudge, like watch this. She was performing "The Current State of Hip Hop". I don"t remember the score, I don't know if she won. I just remember sitting in awe. At the time, I was sitting next to her Mom and Ron. I vaguely remember the look on Shelia's face, but I do remember the air of love and pride that filled the air as Shannon performed. Unbeknown to me, I would begin a friendship with the Young Talented Poet and her Mother. Shelia, graciously allowed me to be her "Baby's Mama". She also, along with Ron allowed me to participate on some levels with her other baby, The Under 21 Slam Team. I can almost remember every year Shannon competed. I say almost, because today is a whir and a blur....

Yesterday when I received the news, I went into a panic looking for this chap book. I remember looking at it, and asking someone if they either wanted it or wanted to read it, as I was SURE I'D GET A CHANCE TO BUY ANOTHER ONE. I thought maybe I placed it somewhere in my desk as I recalled a co-worker saw the title, and I didn't want to get into trouble. Then I remembered the inscription and I decided to keep it, or so I believed. As I drove home, I immediately begin to try to pull myself out of the indifference and indescribable feelings I had at the moment. You now how every emotion you have kind of lingers in the back of your head and stops? Makes your head ache rather dully? And you can't decide if you want to scream, curse or cry? So you just feel anxious and panicked? Well that's how I've felt for over a week. I begin to question. Not G.O.D., just question... and I pray.

Then I teared a bit. Then I got home and I cried in my ELM's arms. Then I remembered the dvd Shelia brought me back from Seattle. And I felt better. But not good enough, because I needed that chap book. I stood still, long enough to listen. And I found it.

Then I relived, as long as my mind would allow me to focus, our last moments together. And I was happy to have known her, been a small part of her life...

Village, I ask of you to accept Shannon as one of us. She is stubbornly strong, but she has an infectious smile and wit. She's a thinker and a talker, very easy to love. I know I don't have to ask anything of you. I know that you've already reached out to her. Just let her know she's missed..