michelle obama, faces, and other thoughts..

tonight a good friend and i were having a discussion regarding michelle obama and the "sister face". you know the one, without your permission, an expression come across your face telling the whole world what you were feeling or thinking... she brought a very good point, what if that's just her "look". you know that "impress me" look. that i'm just being me.. we continued the conversation thinking she'd prolly be hellacool if she was your home girl, 'cuz we would just get her and it wouldn't be anything to us. it would just be that Obama.

then i asked her the unthinkable... "do i do that?" i knew the answer before she said a word. OF COURSE i do. mostly at poetry or around people i don't know. then i was reminded of the question asked to others but never to me. "why doesn't she like me." because i have that Obama. that sister look. that i'm in my zone minding my business and my thoughts look.

damn. do i have to like every f'ing body is what my evil self would say. funny, i like MOST people, it's just the few i don;t like seem to be the places i frequent. (LOL) no, i'm really old school. my great grand and grand instilled in me, "the welcome wagon ain't always welcoming." and my most recent one, "a box of friendly puppies doesn't safe guard ANYONE from the full blown bitch/dog, one is bound to become once it gets older, wiser and bitter.." in other words, smiles and laughs can be very deceptive. so can the Obama. or the that's just my look.

i think of the people who have come eagerly up to me in most instances in my life. now all of them weren't bad. they never really became long term friends. you know, i'm old school. i want to get to know you. watch you. know something about you. i don't trust anyone that's too f'ing familiar with me. don't know the color of my eyes, let alone my name. and sometimes i want to ask people, "what color are my eyes, are my teeth crooked, which pair of glasses did i have on last night, what color is my hair, does my breath stink?" cuz you know what, they don't know! yet they would make judgement about my character. think about what i'm writing.. let it marinate. it's poignant... that's why i don't write anyone the press they believe they need/want from me.

i always ask this, "what is wrong with YOUR self esteem that you would care if i liked you or not? how did you come to this conclusion? because i didn't hug you? because i wasn't talking to you? because i want to sit alone?" here are a few answers to pass on. don't ever care about what someone thinks of YOU more than YOU think of yourself. i always say, "damn, my loss, are they that great that i should be breaking my neck to get to know them?" or "they need a hug? or my new favorite, "they need a nap!" i don't like fcking hugging people. FOR REAL. i have huge allergies and allergy related asthma... that smokey ass venue, her perfume, his colonge, some one's bad breath, a stank ass, hell MAYBE I STINK, whatever!!! for real, my nose is fcking sensitive. if you pay attention (I REALLY DON'T WANT YOU TO) i only hug the same few people. we worked hard for that right. you know what, i'm closest to angel and we never HUG. and i only hug people when some random ass person makes me feel guilty then i hug EVERYONE BEGRUDGINGLY!!! i don't aways feel like talking. my job requires i talk all day to some damn body. i don't want to think. and the truth of the matter is with some people you have to think while you're talking to them, because they always got an angle or a hustle. and if it's neo, i came to poetry to hear POETRY... and i truly like to sit alone. i don't sit down anyway, so why would i sit with you, only to leave and you ask, "why did she leave."

and i was wondering does michelle have to go through all of this. i mean "wwmd?" i don't have a perm so i can't do that flawless do thing. secondly, i am not getting any closer to obama than the television so, people don't have to kiss my ass. maybe i should start clapping in front of my face, like michelle does. that way she's not such a target..

i have to go to neo, so i'll finish tomorrow. i promise.