i'm thankful again

01) for one of the hottest WEDNESDAYS and weekends of poetry...... loved it..
02) for a totally awesome birthday celebration "...... and right now i can't deny the fact, that you like me! you really like me!" (sally field's oscar acceptance speech 1985)
03) for the love of my friends and family
04) for having the strength and resolve to stay my course no matter the consequential reward.
05) for having a job to come to (on days like this i have to remember the good in it all!)
06) for the phone call asking me to hang up so you can leave me a kelly love jones serenade. how cool is that...
07) and for coming home to you tonight...
08) for russell stover's outlet....
09) for breaking my crunches resolution.... but getting right back on track
10) for skinny friends in cute t-shirts and hats, blue jean skirts and poems that absolutely rock...
11) for my shrinking violet friend, and the eskimo who always covers her mouth and says dang when she laughs...
12) for my baby b-frans and b-fran....
13) for the creator.... for simply allowing me to see a wonderful begging to a new year, with re-newed strength and tested resolve.....
the view is so much better from here.....

pps... for seeing some old familiar faces, remembering the beauty in the voices and talent... it was a remarkable show, and while a few of you may never read this post... i'm putting it in the universe that there be many more for me to witness... it was truly amazing work...

HOLLA...

my tears don't compromise my strength... a Kleenex commercial... i wish i could steal the line... perhaps someone famous said it... i don't know....
i'm out of town.... for work... AGAIN!
i'm shaking the dust and keeping it moving.... smiling more.. laughing harder...
i'm still in love.... it feels good....
i'm standing tall and growing so much that my friends are stars. i'm happy and blessed to be shining among them.
saw a couple of faces i truly missed this weekend. glad everyone looks well, healthy and happy...
jill scott comes out in ONE HOUR and nine minutes... i can't wait to cop it... i have a serious girl crush on her.... i think it's her voice, not her singing one... when i close my eyes, i can see her, holding my hand the night of the sugar water concert in dallas.. she had some advice, when she stated she wouldn't be attending the national poetry slam... but she looked at me and said, "wow them with your words" it was soooooo damn cooooooollll... im not stalking or tripping, just saying it was cool.... her speaking voice was as lovely as her singing voice....
the l-word has been sucking serious rocks all fcking season.... last night was the newest low...
i missed heroes tonight.... that sucks rocks harder....
ohh.. jill scott an hour and five minutes...
i'm tired... i'm going to sleep.. good night...

Passing it on....

this weekend I had an opportunity to watch prolly one of the best shows i've seen in a long while. it had martial arts, singing, poetry and dance.. it was fcking hot... no kidding.. if i didn't know them i would have been jealous... that's all imma say on dat der.... it was HOT!!! if you haven't seen it, go back this weekend!!!!!

also, i had an opportunity to participate in the passing of the torch.... i am so proud of these poets and people. they are truly amazing and talented... they gave their all not knowing any reward other then the opportunity to perform their craft. it was truly amazing to share the stage with them.

ebony... yes, ma'am. you are the future. you performed brilliantly. you allowed yourself to let go, and be in the moment. i hope you say it.. ANGEL SHE DIDN'T BALL UP HER FISTS!!

trey.. you prolly will never read this, but brother you are so talented. believe in yourself and your talent.

joe.. one of the most talented writers i know... one i always get....

thanks.. i can add this weekend to one of my proudest.... cuz you guys made my dream a true reality.... good job....

holla....

A YELLOW ROSE

Last night was like WOW... Yes I cried. Even again this morning. I am humbled by your thoughtfulness, friendship, love and support. Again. WOW. All that for me?

thanks.... for the people who

This is totally different for me, but I am moving in a totally different direction so.. a grateful list of a different kind

ELM and CT - all I can say is wow and thanks.. anything else will embarrass you. it's been a wonderful journey thus far. two plus years later, i still wake up wanting to be the person God and you believe me to be.

B-Fran - brother from another mother, wife in another life. brown sugaring it until the day we die!

KA - my wonder twin. i miss your quirks, and the way we quirked together. move back soon.

Lovie and the lovettes- negras... yea!

June/Hustle - words can never express how truly grateful I am for you and the way you've extended your hearts and family to me.

Angel - DAMN... being raised by old people. your wisdom. your knowledge. your willingness to be honest with me in every aspect at every turn is priceless. shrinking violet. hey...

Eb n Snuff- thanks for allowing me to witness young love between two very talented and capable young adults. i look at you and know the future is a okay...

Poet in Law and the fam. - no, never that mad again.. promise. we have two men in common that we love very much. how cool is that? to have our own bond, but two share people who are so very special to both of us. what's your word? "dang"

Tee Tee - funny, passerbyers, if there's such a word, in the gym, on to a devotion of words, to common ground with mothers and aunts, (we both have favorite Aunt Suzy's!) then of course Brooklyn. zen, photography and poetry...

Joe Bizzle and Trey Shizzle - my baby b-frans... i thank you guys for so much. REALLY. i don't think either of you realize the impact you've had upon me this summer. i only hopes it shows in my actions.

funky mike whalen - gives good hugs.

bRandy - i miss you and hope that you are happy. it's nothing like having some one whom you share tomboyish charm, confidence, humor and wit. despite the lack of communication, i pray that you know i can't pass a hot ass pair of chucks without thinking of you and wanting to call ya. i once called you friend, and meant every word. good, bad or indifferent, i will always be here for you.. even in distance.

sarah - i pray that you find your way. wherever and whatever it takes.

ms. jackson - your humour and wit are often what i look forward to.. you make me laugh even when i don't want to.

brooklyn. YOU ALREADY KNOW!

copa.. i didn't forget about you. you better get back here soon. angel and i were talking about coming to missouri.

shameless and dave... looking forward to creating lasting bonds.

you guys are my family of friends, and i am truly grateful for you... really i am... as i enter another birth year, i pray that we are, well, that everyone is safe, and has found their path.

always
k i am
keeping it appropriately moving

Shade and shelter.. thinking of u.

Magnolias, Nasturtiums and Red Oaks
If I could write my wrongs,
to correct what you believe is right;
I would right your blue skies gray.
Scribble over the ball of fire
you call your sunshine
and create a starless night.
I don’t want to leave you in darkness,
only allow you a chance to use
your instincts to find your way home.
Punch holes through your loose leaf dreams,
to shower you in confetti truth.
Not one lie he has ever spoken
has been true to your story,
a stanza in your poem,
or the subject
of any sentence that makes sense;
except the life sentence he
has placed upon your soul.
His words sting,
like slaps across your face,
accusations, suffocating
and the stronghold his insecurities
have upon your will;
bruises your arms,
to paint violent shades of captivity.
Sister, you are a canvas,
but there is nothing blank about you.
You are a master piece in the making.
One, God hasn’t completely finished,
And if you don’t believe in God, Buda, Yahweh
Allah, Jehovah, Messiah,
or a f’ing light bulb.
Believe in something,
Anything.
Believe in you.
The Goddess in you knows he is not your Higher Power.
He is not the one to deliver you
from the self imposed prison you allowed
another to build so long ago.
He is just
another slam of the door,
another dead beat lock,
another turn of the key,
just another to strip you of your voice
and color.
I know I should be thinking of myself,
yet I’m wondering about you.
I’m going out of mind,
picking your brain,
like a child amidst spring time flowers
hoping to spread seeds of hope
in the soil of despair and doubt.
Praying each and every time he snatches
you from your foundation,
only to thrush back into the
ground head first,
that someone finds you,
and faces you toward your shine.
Sometimes even the most beautiful things
get swallowed in the darkness,
begin to cast shadows,
and is soon lost in the ugliness of it all.
So, I'm blinking away clouds,
fighting rainstorms,
swallowing her rainbows,
so that one day, my crooked grin
will radiate the vibrant prism
of colors that awaits her.
Pray that my tongue finds the words
to wash away the murky waters that
flood her thoughts.
I want to release her,
so that one day she’ll realize
she was never really swimming,
but drowning.
Recognize that in
my humiliating silence
I drank rancid cups
of minding my business and letting her down.
And the sprinkling of
encouragement, love, and well wishes
didn’t make it any sweeter.
My silence a life jacket
to keep her afloat until
one day she’d reach
the safety of her shore.
Despite the questions she asks of herself,
the answer is “he is no different.”
Simply a different weapon,
but the result is still the same.
Her pain.
Her struggle with self.
Her loss.
If I smoked, I would light a cigarette in her honor.
Allow her, to watch me, watch her,
burn under another's heated pressure.
And as I watch her fire
flicker and smolder,
she burn to ash,
I could only wonder, watch
and pray...


e. zora knight for kdtaylor, 2007
section 8 coffee publications

grins and such

When I was in junior high, I was awkward, 3rd world thin, and had crooked teeth. I still have the crooked teeth, thanks to an unwillingness to participate in dental appointments. In addition those in charge, grew weary of my games, tears, and cries of help while in the dentist chair. The last visit prompted a fight with me, the gas mask, and the dentist. Needless to say I won and lost; freeing myself from the mask (the gas made me feel funny) and the dentist, (he was creepy). I remember when the brackets were removed and how excited I was, as the kids couldn't tease me, at least not about having a metal mouth. Also, I didn't miss school and I got to go on the field trip to see the Barber of Seville. I loved orchestra field trips, they were the BEST!

Years later. I'm still awkward. I gained enough weight to call it another me over the years... (I'm working on losing that wench though, 150 crunches nightly and constant exercise should do it. Eb I'M GONNA BUILD UP TO 200 crunches!) And I still have crooked teeth. I'm falling out of love with the crooked teeth builds character thing. My great grand and dad said I eventually would. They also said years later I would have appreciated them wanting to save me money. THEY WERE RIGHT.....

Anyway, I'm starting my hunt for orthodontists, and hell... my insurance doesn't pay for MUCH. I may need a part time job to pay for them. My new motto, two jobs are for two people is still in place, so..... Damn another budget. Anyone got any tips for "ballin' on a shoe string budget?" I need them, desperately......

Birthday Thoughts

Hurray!!!
I am forever grateful for the path I've taken that has lead me to this place. I made a decision last year that I would not take mine or anyone else's past insanity into another birth year. During the last year, I worked diligently at doing so. I do not harbor any resentments or ill will against anyone who has crossed, walked, jogged, jumped off or who has been pushed off my life's path. In life there are seasons and reasons, we have done what we were were suppose to. We have played the role that each of us were to play in our lives. For that, no matter where you or I stand in each other's lives, I thank God and you, for allowing me the opportunity to vibe with you. Truly. It means that we were living, that we were alive. Live, something so many were unable to do this morning. Life and friendship in themselves are precious gifts to be opened daily. We would never want to open any gift with a jealous, envious person who does not have our best interests at heart in the room. And because, by nature we are selfish and self seeking we imperfectly designed to have our best interests at heart. Remember Eve and the forbidden fruit? She believed it was in her best interest to know. Being human in our humanness it is never meant to hurt people in your life, but it is to protect yourself from people whom you truly believe will steal your energy and your shine. Take care of yourself. My goals in life are not designed to hurt anyone personally. I just want to live and let live. Allow me the time and space to be me, and I am willing to do the same. Which is why, I am truly grateful for my current circle. A group of people whom I would love to call friend and family until our very last day. Really.
I am writing this backwards, i.e. after my birthday, and one remarkable thing I heard at one of my birthday dinners (how cool is that to have more than one?) came from someone whom I've grown to love as a man and a brother. He said, "What would I like for my birthday? Another day, so many people don't get them." Not only do I want that day, but I want to live it out to my full potential and I want people around me to remind me when I'm not. And I want to be able to do the same to others around me, without recourse or consequence. Thankfully, I have and more.
I am thankful for my family and family of friends for being patient and allowing me to be me. Truly giving me the chance to re-grow into my own. At times I know it was as difficult for you as it was for me, but I do believe the path I've chosen will lead me to the place I want to be spiritually, physically, mentally, and financially. I am truly humbled by the patience, persistence, and understanding that has been freely given to me. As Poet in Law says, "Dang."
Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes and greetings (texts, phone calls, cards, and presents). I do know that my reluctance to give the exact date created a few glitches. I really appreciate you. Those who know me know I'm totally uncomfortable with public attention from others. Contrary to what I project, I'm easily embarrassed. So the entire restaurant joining in on Happy Birthday Saturday night made my usually Indian brown ass, turn purple in a matter of seconds....
"True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice."
Samuel Johnston

> 24 hours and I'm thinking of a million things.....

i should be thinking of myself...
yet i'm wondering, about her. why my beautiful sister has allowed someone to blow out her flame, her spark, her luster. she will never know how beautiful she is, she will never see it. sometimes even the most beautiful things get swalled in darkenss, begins to cast shadows, and is soon lost in the ugliness of it all.
she has a radiant inner beauty, a caring soul, and a glowing spirit. a friend whom i am growing to love daily, and with fierce loyalty. a loyalty that is lacking in sisters today. she is like my meliaceae, simply a godsend, a kindred spirit, a sister who has helped me grow and see life so much differently. and i, well,
i'm blinking away clouds, fighting rainstorms, swallowing her rainbows, so that one day, my crooked grin will radiate the vibrant prism of colors that a waits her. pray that my tongue finds the words to wash away the murky waters that once flooded her mind, to release her, so that she one day, she will realize that she was really drowning, and not swimming. and that i drank rancid cups of i'm letting you down, laced with pride, love, well wishes and encouragement, praying to keep her afloat. it's the same i believe she would do for me.
and i pray on this night that despite the questions you ask of yourself, the answer is he is no different. a different weapon, but the result is still the same. your pain. your struggle with self. your loss.
if i smoked, i would light a cigarette in your honor and allow you, to watch me, watch you, burn under another's heated pressure, because he doesn't know.. that if used in the right way, his air, so much like your fire... if simply balanced could burn beautifully... and co-exist.... together
salama.....

The ONLY ONE I'll do, and it's for you SARAH!

1. I think everyone who knows me…knows that I can't mask my emotions. I am like TOTALLY ANIMATED! It sucks, but it keeps me honest.
2. I am a... masterpiece in the making... So I drip oils, ink, and watercolors.... You can smudge my chalk, coal and pencil... I am an unfinished sentence most would want to complete with some expletive (good or bad) which is what makes me abso-fcking-lutely amazing! Ha!
3. My favorite perfume is…DKNY Be Delicious and DKNY Red Delicious. New York and Apples baby....
4. I love STARBUCKS and an ELM Tree! Not necessarily in that order.
5. My favorite pastime is… watching totally mindless television.
6. I am most comfortable…when I am with family (birth and chosen).
7. When I am stressed out…when I am not allowed to just, be.
8. I don't like…contrary to popular belief, a lot of THINGS not a lot of PEOPLE... No, really, don't and like combined are pretty strong. I would prefer uncomfortable. So, I am uncomfortable with alot of things about people's behavior (to include my own, hell.)
9. I am not a very good... follower. I love my own beat way to much to listen to another's... After awhile it sounds like jibberish.
10. My indulgences…are pretty personal.

Late.. But Grateful as Always

01) Totally inappropriate, yet appropriate and much needed inclimate/vacation days! Slush, cuddling, sleet, napping, and freezing rain rocks!
02) Text messages and phone calls. Copa and Queue hope all is well.
03) Turkey chili (made from love) and cheese! And totally binging for four days straight.
04) VH1 and their totally inappropriate, yet entertaining celebreality shows.
05) Shameless and the pre-slush gumbo-fried fish get together. It was fun. SORRY I LEFT EARLY, I AM A PUNK WITH THE WEATHER..
06) Venturing out for the first time since the windshield incident. I still can't get my car out of the driveway.. The wheels kept spinning, then the neighbors came out, ugh.. embarrassing. But I didn't want to drive through the garage..
07) DREAMGIRL DATE ON FRIDAY... Jennifer stole the damn thing..
08) Avoiding a car accident, when someone went speeding past us, causing another to brake... I pray the person is okay, because they spun around, jumped the embankment, landing in the southbound lane, on to run head on into a guard rail facing west. YES. I was scared. Solidified why I was at home most of the week.
09) My co-worker picking me up tomorrow, yes, the show must go on and I am completing my audit Thursday and hopefully Friday.
10) Their excitement, encouragement and desire to celebrate with me. A MILLION THANKS. Believe me. I am truly humbled by her hard work, and your consideration/participation.
11) An encouraging phone call on Saturday.. You seem to do real well.. And I am happy that we call each other friend.
12) American Idol and laughing our butts off.
13) The creator for giving me the gift of a pair of beautiful brown eyes, clarity, friendship and love....

extra special bonus... My ______ called me to tell me he had to work on Saturday. How cute was that shyt. He still loves me! Damn his voice gets deeper and better with age. Can't wait to hear another poem.. You have been missed.

Snowed In (Not really, but really)

My friends on the other coast are probably laughing their asses off. No seriously. Austin, Texas, no CENTRAL TEXAS, is shut the hell down due to ice and snow. Early Saturday morning the electricity at the local HEB was off due to issue related to bad weather. By Sunday night there was no bread, water, CANNED BISCUITS?, or soup left on the shelves. Because I believe I was an Easterner in a previous life (New Englander preferably) I didn't panic and planned on getting fire wood after a get together for a friend, I missed out on fire wood, good movies, and any possibility for a good snack or homemade chicken pot pie. Which sucks! The fireplace was still cool as it is gas, so.. we burned the remaining logs and just allow the fire to continue to burn.. The ashes makes it appear authentic. HA.
I've eaten all I can eat, from chili to oreos to egg nog flavored ice cream to microwave popcorn to chicken fajitas, should I go on? UGH! I tried to walk over to the Club House in my neighborhood to work out. Ugh, not a good idea. And to make matters worse, I tried to venture out (in a rear wheel drive sports car) to the store for you guessed it, more junk. I did well until the damn ice began to fall from the sky, it wouldn't melt from the windshield, I turned around five minutes into the trip. (I forgot to place wax on the windshield, it collected relatively quickly and I couldn't see anything clearly). I have cabin fever like a mutha... I open the door every half hour or so...
While you can never cuddle or sleep enough, my back's starting to hurt... I've reduced myself to an all time low, 7 straight hours of reality television. Mo, the white rapper show is funny though... We've talked, played games, watched movies... But hell, I know there's something else out there.. THERE HAS TO BE...
No, I'm kidding... I'm enjoying the qt. But I am missing that Texas sunshine... I have to rethink that whole I want to live where they have four seasons stuff... seriously.

OH AND A SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO ANGEL FOR BEING A DISTRACTION ON THURSDAY NIGHT! (how's that?)

Wednesday til Today...

Let's see, Wednesday was just "a'ight".

Naw, it was pretty cool. Especially since I know it's gonna be hard to get back to. It felt good to chill in the corner like I once did. Talking and moving about. Observing. Taking it all in. Laughing. Encouraging. Listening. I've been to a few poetry spots the last couple of weeks. Pretty much doing the same thing. Observing and listening. Taking it all in. Working in the lab. It's been so long since I had an opportunity to listen to what the poet is actually saying, as opposed to formulating the next move, attempting to keep the show going. It's refreshing. And the slam was mad hott!!!!

Wednesday served as the backdrop for many very valuable lessons.
1) Working on positive, nurturing relationships have benefits. My girl was having a little dilemma, and I, along with another had an opportunity to experience mutual trust and respect in adult friendship. By listening, offering personal experiences, and words of encouragement. Thanks for believing that we could listen, be positive and supportive.

AND

2) You can never silence your critics, but you can live above the criticism. Again the view is so much better from here.

AND

3) You trying to hurt her, will never hurt anyone but you. Let go. Your pain is pretty transparent and apparent. Believe that.

Thursday. Joe Bizzle, Trey Shizzle and Miss Nubia are way cool to allow me to perform with them. Can't wait for the show. It will be hot. They are a very lively bunch. Creative. Talented. Bold. Most of all youthful. I pray I do for you what has been done for me. I believe in you and your talents. Thanks for believing in me.

Friday. Just found out that I'm gonna be out the next six weeks straight. We're now down two people in my Department, with no help in sight, so more work travel. I'm still on the grind, trying to move up the corporate ladder, so....

B. Langston Francis

Ours has always been a personal one.
He - friendly. big over the top. Me - reserved. sarcastic.

We met in February 2003. He had cute, boyish look. Pigeon-toed, with an insecure bounce in his step. Slightly arrogant, yet he maintained a level of humility that was refreshing. My best work girlfriend, loved him at first sight. I thought he was a'ight. He spoke, smooth, velvet-like, vulnerable as he read poem after poem, after poem. He spoke about being a man. A black man. He never used either word. But I heard it. A black man who had indeed been hurt by love. Yet he never blamed anyone or anything. I felt every emotion he described. He looked as if he needed to be.....

A few months later, the same friend convinced me to scribble a few lines on a piece of paper and hit a local poetry spot. I, unknowingly, had entered the last phase of a very long term committed relationship, and was looking for a non-sexual outlet. I agreed to go.

There he was. Big. Over the top. Welcoming. Talking. Laughing. Buying everyone drinks. That's who is was then. And remains. I, on the other hand, sat quietly with my best girl from work. Observing the scene. Hardly speaking. Taking it all in. He sat with a fly young cat. KA. At the time he was referred to as Superman. He, B, and later a young woman, LaLove, who seemed to be the heart of the entire scene. She, like Brian, was over the top, a little loud, aggressively confidant, and warm. Brian was attentive, gracious and kind. I remained, reserved and observant. As a crew, we grew up and became closer. In writing and life....

Again, ours has always been a personal one. Yet, any difference is magnified. By someone or something that really doesn't matter. He will always be that what if factor in my life. KA my mirror in our similar extremes. Lovie. Hell. Just cause. She is the reason there is a Brooklyn. She helped me find my passion for poetry and different mics. She took me under her wing and let me tag along as long as I could. Brooklyn has taken me the rest of the way. Yet, our friendship(s) are the ones that are put on blast whenever there is... Again no need to breathe life into what could never be explained. But in ten, twenty, thirty years, time will explain it all, as it always has. Hustle and June provided the backdrop. The four of us know that more than anyone. Intimately. This is why I can never romanticize a time other than the beginning... that was when it felt most pure...

As B says we are creative people, we live, love, disappoint, hurt... in ways most can never imagine. it is the nature of the beast. Once you create a poem based on an emotion or experience that is not quite yours, the mind is some how never the same...

The path B and I took to this day cannot be described by either of us, yet, we'd be able to interrupt the other's sentence, make eye contact in recognition, provide significant, yet intimate details, all the while receiving that infamous "Brown Sugar" scowl from others. It's never been like that. He has been many things to me at various times during the course of our kinship.

He is mine. I am his. And that's the way it will always be.

He good cop, and to my chagrin, I forcibly the bad cop. It's difficult. It's painful. It's hurtful. Yet, I brush off my knees and shoulders and keep going. Even when I don't want to. This is one of those times. We are friends, yet I don't wish to sacrifice my serenity for.... for various reasons. None of which are necessary to breathe an explanation into... Especially when I'm KNOW I am not the bad cop. Neither am I a bad person. I am simply his good friend who just will never give herself as freely to others as he is willing to do. That's his risk and his consequences. I have my own risks and consequences which are taken with much more caution than he. Again we are two very different people on two very different paths which somehow merge, meld and meet with certain people and places. They don't have to be my people or places. And I am perfectly okay with that.

Yet, he has the ability to make me laugh, cry, think, believe, and feel. Even when I don't want to. He, like my significant other, can make me do things, I never thought or wanted to do. And like my ELM, he makes me angrier than most. See, he's one of the few people I am willing to become angry with, and not pissed at. We have that level of vulnerability with one another. We also have a friendship that no one or thing can destroy. Again he makes me angry but he doesn't piss me off. We've disappointed each other, failed each other, been less than honest at times, but... alas we remain...

Steadfast.

So...

Yes. I become angry, disappointed, and at times hurt by his behavior. As I am sure he with me. Yet. We are human in our humanness. And while I don't see him as others do. I am afforded the luxury of seeing him the same way he sees me. As we truly are. Our perfections. And imperfections. Void of need and false pretenses.

And while I have Brooklyn, my beautiful circle, Pretty Tree, PIL and ELM.

I still have love for the beginning, the ones who fostered me, and brought me through. Before the pain and loss.

B. KA. Lovie. June. Hustle. Skinny Saraha.

And, yes, I remain appropriately focused and concerned with what impacts me and my life. Poetry is an important aspect of my life, the venue has grown under four very different yet magnificent hosts. It will continue to grow, no matter who is at the helm. There is a need for people to heal through written and spoken word.. and to (mis) quote another poet... it is our sanctuary, this place we call ____________________.

next wednesday. holla.

Attitude for Gratitude

01- home...
02 - two friends driving hundreds of miles to be there for me. you know who you are/i didn't forget/in all that i could say was bad about it, you were definitely the good.
03 - conversations with Brooklyn. you always make me better.. even the littlest shyt. i promise
04 - while we missed lunch, am happy that we had the thought nearly the same time.. sorry i didn't call back. yup. you are so much like Brooklyn, Okalahoma and Bay City, a welcomed breeze...
05 - L-word premire.
06 - starbucks and lively discussions
07 - the ability to remain truly focued on what's appropriately important in my life. again the view is so much better from here.
08 - two dolls (she and her) it's private joke, but they made the owners so happy!
09 - that you still love me, over two years later... damn.
10 - my muse
11 - one hell of a groceries list that will lead to a hotter set!
12 - prayer.. humble and deliberate
13 - creator....

Off, off.. Up, Up and Away...

(work) travel is cool most times...

'cept...

the television playing law and order svu, csi, and all the other versions re-runned, flipping channels, trying to make it "feel" as if we're in the same city, same house, same room, same bed...

falling alseep to cell phone conversations discussing our individual days...

kisses and hugs through cellular towers aren't quite the same...

crunching blankets, trying to get used to sleeping alone...

waking up to a picture atop a hotel nightstand, just isn't the same...

I think we saw this version last year this time.... and I'm thinking I was in this city, picking out something I believe you'd like... not knowing if I could bring it through airport security... plotting a least one skipped lunch, working the team through it and way past six.. all the while bribing them with comp time, a drink, and another trip later during the year... if they'd do me this ONE favor... hoping we'd catch an earlier flight, (even if I'm at home waiting for you) and maybe, just maybe, this time it will be two nights instead of three....

wondering if you'd wake up a couple of times through out the night because you're a little lonely, missing me, looking for me, stretching for me, as I've done for you the last hour and a half... not able to sleep, because the blanket doesn't smell like you, the sheets aren't near as soft, and for whatever reason, the hum and crack of this damned cheap hotel air condition could never mimic the way you giggle between snores.. and i close my eyes, imagining the look upon your face that always.. always makes me want to get up the next morning and live up to the person you and God believe me to be......

and i know, you won't read this 'cause you believe I am dis-illussioned and don't wish to write anymore, that my muse is gone.. that's not true. i do wish to write. i want to right my wrongs, write our rites, be right(eous), write and re-write our future, each time better than the one before, most importantly, I want to forever remain right by your side.... and i won't spell check this, so that it will be perfectly, imperfect.. just like you, me and the love we share for one another....

see you soon...

When My Words Are Not Enough....

WHEN I'M WITH YOU YOU KNOW YOU MAKE MY DAYS SO BEAUTIFUL WITH YOUR DIFFERENT WAYS YOU MAKE ME LIGHTER I'M MOVIN WITH THE WIND LOVE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GOT FOR MEI GOT FOR YOU TOO WE CAN'T PRETEND GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE TO BREATHE IN YOU GOT ALL THE THINGS I NEED AND TOGETHER WE'RE JUST SO COMPLETE YOU MUST BE THE REASON I'M ALIVE (REPEAT) IT'S ALL SO NEW YET SO FAMILIAR EVERYTIME I'M NEXT TO YOU I FEEL SOMETHIN LIKE FOREVER YES THAT'S RIGHT C'MON AND TALK TO ME LET SOME UH THAT SWEET POETIC LOVE FALL OVER ME..GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE TO BREATHE IN YOU GOT ALL THE THINGS I NEED AND TOGETHER WE'RE JUST SO COMPLETE YOU MUST BE THE REASON I'M ALIVE(REPEAT)ALL THIS TIME I'VE BEEN LOOKIN FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT YOU EXISTED NOW I SEE MY DREAMS ARE ALL COMIN TRUE I JUST WANT TO STAY RIGHT HERE WITH YOU... (RAP)YOU SAY I'M LIKE FRESH AIR FOR THE BIRTH OF YOUR NEW EYES..I SAY YOU'RE LIKE THE SUN BRIGHT ENLIGHTENING MY SKIES TODAY.. WE GOT TOGETHER TO CREATE A NEW WORLD ONLY A REAL MAN CAN UNDERSTAND THE GIFT OF THIS GIRL..BELLS ARE RINGIN CAUSE WHAT YOU'RE BRINGIN HAS GOT ME SINGIN..NOW I CAN BREATHE IN YOU'RE ALL I'M NEEDIN LOVE IS A BREEZE AND SPRING IS THE SEASON I'M FEELIN SO ALIVE INSIDE AND YOU MUST BE THE REASON..ALL THIS TIME I'VE BEEN LOOKIN FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT YOU EXISTED NOW I SEE MY DREAMS ARE ALL COMIN TRUE..I JUST WANT TO STAY ..RIGHT HERE WITH YOU..GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE TO BREATHE IN YOU GOT ALL THE THINGS I NEED AND TOGETHER WE'RE JUST SO COMPLETE YOU MUST BE THE REASON I'M ALIVE......

gina rene

conversations..... i love

a: light brush against right side while washing dishes..
b: a crooked grin, then a slight smile.
a: soft glance
b: return of glance
a: places hand in water, gathers a handful of suds, flicks in b's face with laughter
b: braces self for bubbles and warm water. reaches for a's hand, then arm
a: catches b's waist
b: smiles
a: smiles
b: moves closer to a
a: soft breath
b: hands on a's shoulders, moves to drape 'round neck... soft breath
a: embrace
b: embrace

Attitude for Gratitude 2007

01) Making it into the New Year... 2007.. So many people did not make it.
02) Feeling indifferent about Wednesdays and being perfectly okay with that emotion.
03) Finding my way... What a way to end the old year, and start a new one.
04) A new show...
05) Looking damn good for my age!
06) Her surprise....
07) A weekend with my niece and sister... And having a nephew who's grown enough to have his own plans, but looking and expressing total disappointment because he would miss out on our time together.
08) Waking up Oklahoma...
09) Cleaning.... It's still so very therapeutic.
10) A speeding ticket and not an arrest... enough said.
11) Mutual adoration, respect, and love.
12) A countdown to a wedding!
13) A job to come to, on days like today, I must be truly grateful.....