Her Fellowship Part II

so.. toasty caramel struts over to a nice place on the floor and begins to search for music. those who know me know i am a sucker for butts and thighs... so my view from the sofa was ever nice.. nice... thrice...

he, laying face down, rolled his thick thighs and perfectly shaped pitcher's mound demin covered behind, rhythmically to a Drake mix tape while thumbing through his journal. (the title of his journal shall remain nameless.) teddy ruxpin stood in the curve of the sliding and bedroom doors. his beautiful, yes, the essence of teddy bear, brown cascaded across the room as the sun beamed through him sharing his prism of thoughtful essence throughout; while jewel and scent, leaned slightly forward, bringing forth that scent of smokey mahogany and jasmine.

the conversation began with the "journal" and relationships. co-partnering/spouses to be exact.

each shared his idea, and why he supported it; without being sexual and too sexist with the room. each listened intently as if he were pilfering and pocketing the idea like a skilled thief collecting the world's masterpieces. except the prize at stake was thier individual description and ideal QUEEN.

Her Fellowship...

So, over the weekend I had an opportunity to meet my closest ATX g-friend’s “Brotherhood/Fellowship/Family”.

One this is not only an equally handsome collection of men, they are GIANTS among men. They range from an eloquently deep shade of toasted caramel to a deep rich edible chocolate brown. When each spoke there was a subtle excitement related to their individual and intimate level of confidence and sexuality that exuded from every pore of their being. It’s been a long time since I was in a room with three vastly different black men, who in their own way held the attention of every detail in the room from the minuscule particles of dust dancing upon the sunlight to the heaviness of the words in various discussions. It was, in a very heterosexual way, orgasmic.

• Mr. Toasty Caramel – Has one of the sexiest baby-gap grins I’d seen in a long time. It’s not immediate obvious, but he has mastered the art of brusque sexuality. I do not mean it in the traditional way, however, he has a straight to the point, no holds bar, I’m gonna tell you what it is and how it is and despite what you may think, I’m gonna be so f’ing self-assured, encouraging and smooth with it, that your intellect will twirl your lips into syncing whatever I want. And believe me, not only will you not mind, but you will wish it was your idea in the first damn place. And please don’t start me on his voice…
• Mr. Teddy Ruxpin – The world renowned sophisticated teddy bear. This brother really doesn’t know what he’s working with OR he’s so damn poised and smooth that he’s convinced himself that he doesn’t know or remember what his swag feels, looks and smells like. (FOR REAL). He will admit he’s single for a reason and that he has VERY HIGH STANDARDS. I believe the answer lies somewhere in the rise of his cheeks and a simple fault that lurks in the insecure gape in his stride. I know that strides aren’t always honest, yet they do have a way of giving up a secret or two. Like Mr. Toasty Caramel, he speaks with an eloquence all his own, always reminding you, to HELL with being Black, he’s African at heart and will not be emasculated. Honestly, Teddy Ruxpin’s says a lot in his silence as well. He’s in perpetual thought and if you really listen, you can hear spiritual reflection cascading from his long thick curly eyelashes. And yes, it’s hella sexy…
• Mr. Jewel and Scent – This locked mane brother is equally mystifying and baffling. Thick locks with a mind of thier own, crowned and looped above his head like a halo. He sat quietly taking it all in, his body sinking slowly into the sofa as the conversation and everyone’s thoughts slipped slowly into his mind. With hushed vigor he manipulated the outlook in the room, though not as obvious as his peers. He asked questions with efferent deliberation. He carried the conversation away from the heart of the matter toward areas of your conscious you didn’t no longer considered or recognized. His thin muscular frame draped the cushions of the sofa. He never felt the need to complete or move from his secure post. He respected his peers youthful presence (while they were all about the same age) he carried a calmed wisdom recognized in great grand fathers that most Men would never know. When he spoke it was like Karo syrup sticking to biscuits atop chipped cup saucers on sultry hot Sunday mornings. His voice took you back to places you longed to forget, but carried them in the depth of your bones because only there did you know..

To be continued…..

Gratitude

For the ability to not allow anyone to dictate who I am.

For the beauty and opportunity of seeing the frustration in their eyes and voice when they REALIZE that those tricks work for bitches and dogs, and not for women and men.

For a beautiful Saturday morning with my bio family watching my nephew play basketball and being that AUNT for my niece!!

For the grace and finances to be that Aunt, man little girl are expensive.

For a hella afternoon, even though I was sleepy, I enjoyed the fish fry!

For meeting my Angel’s “other” friends. Thanks for the privilege. They are GIANTS among MEN!

For intelligent conversation.

For the love in those brown eyes.

Looking forward to the hosting rotation. Hella voices.. B-Fran, Chelle, Me and Shameless.

Weekend...

Okay.. so my weekend was pretty nice. Pretty damn busy, and sad to say...

I'M GETTING OLD

So it started as usual on Thursday. Wasn't a very late night at Neo, but it was a night..

From there, on Friday, I drove to home to San Antonio for the afternoon to visit the Bio Fam. All was good. My pa'ran. Grandfather looks DAMN GOOD. Upon returning, I went to a little get-together/b-day celebration/movie watching thingie. Got home at 3:30am crashed at 4:00am. Only to get up a few hours later (7:30am) to drive to San Marcos to be at my nephew's basketball game at 9:00. After hanging with them, made it back to Austin by 4:30 to attend a meeting and fellowship with a few HOSTS!!!!! (YES, more to come later. I am excited by the possibilities for the first time in a long time).

Here's where it gets sketchy. I WAS SUPPOSE to go by my girl Angel's and then to game night. I did neither.

I took a shower and sadly feel SOUNDLY ASLEEP on the sofa.

And I so wanted to meet and greet (with Angel's home crew) and play some cards with my partner..Desired Butterfly.

none of that happened.....

sleep happened.

SORRY.

BIRTHDAYS

Happy Birthday

CHARLES E. BELISE, my pa'ran..

H-BDY

JOAN WINGATE, my chizzle..

grateful..

for breaths of fresh air and life..
a week of birthdays and remembrance...
friends i can call family...
langston and zora eggplant chairs, lunch and road trips (nuff said')
my angel and her wings (heart you.)
a week of family (saw my Dad all weekend, will see my Grandpa tomorrow).
my nephew's basketball games this weekend.
picture mail to and from my niece, Nique.
reminders that my niece and nephew are indeed an extension of me (hate math and science, love basketball and volleyball)
the opportunity to learn about me by just listening in between breaths..
for a pretty dang cool t-shirt.
leigh jones (who, what, when)
SEPTOBER!!!! (i stole this from taylor mali) isn't this a great time of year?
facebook... I had lunch with one of my buddies from UnderGrad, talked to a guy I crushed on in HS (Dean Pleasants he is very sought after session musician and the lead guitarist for the Suicidal Tendencies -YES HE'S BLACK), caught up with one of goofy younger friends from HS. psst. Chelle, keep working on it you will come to love it, I promise.
Prayers...
G.O.D.
they found fairy-tales!!!!!

Happy Birthday....

i know a man who can run
the future to a blurred stream
of our each and every yesterdays..
reliving each moment
day by day, one by one,
a second in each and every
breath of our shared life-time.
yes, my brother is that swift.....

so swift he soars and shape shifts...

blink. did you catch him?

yes, he's just that swift.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELTON R. FRANCIS

we miss you......

SHAZZA

Happy Birthday Shannon!!!!!!!

Miss You

rest easy...

bye daddy

my dad and stepmom went home today. i miss my dad already.. he always makes me feel like a little girl again.....

Dominoes...

nothing like playing dominoes with my Dad. We hung out most of the afternoon... he talking mad noise trying not to think or worry. we must have checked his local newspaper online a million times. we listened or watched cnn all day.... 3/4th of his hometown under water.. his neighbor says the house is okay. my grandmother's house has flooded. so has a distant cousin and aunt. here's the rest of the town.....

Daddy!!!

so my dad made it to austin. they are staying at the la quinta up the toll road (about 4 miles from me). no, the step monster doesn't want to stay at the house, doesn't want to be in the way. Two women can't run a house hold she says. Whatever, I guess ELM made three and that was too much. I wish they would have stayed, but it's cool. I'm glad they left early enough... they took their time with Rita and it took forever to arrive in Austin. he looks good. glad to see him. tomorrow maybe some dominoes.. don't know.

go home ike, tina's not here!!!

BIGGER THAN THE STATE? a storm as large as Texas? i understand you despise texas. tina did make her decision to abruptly leave you the 4th of july weekend in 1976. and it was DALLAS, not Galveston or Houston. I mean must the "depressed and colored" areas of the State suffer from your wrath. i'm not saying anyone should suffer, but damn..... are you here to finish what katrina and rita started? some people just got their lives back together. come on man, damn. I don't know how they chose hurricane names, but this one is definitely fitting, it appears the name Ike can be categorized as one abusive mofo...

Margaret R. Belise

The world mourned

I could only hold my breaths
which seemingly

escaped from estranged lungs
to collapse dramatically atop my rib cage.
When the first plane hit,

we couldn’t imagine,

couldn’t fathom...
Then the second plane blindsided

our thought’s memory,

reminding what we'd desperately tried to forget,

the tired, the hungry, the poor...

the huddled masses

drug us by the feet,

back into this life,
our life..
the here
the now…
And now..
I mourn alone.
Four years ago, my tower,
She 5’9 and 160 plus
Stood taller than any building
Straight erect, steel spined,

stronger than rock and mortar.
Eyes brazen,

reaching across miles, smiles,
And frowns…
Mirroring ancestral......

kdtaylor, 2008

section 8 coffee

four years ago today, while the world mourned the tragedy of 9/11... my tower collapsed.. and not to say that i don't feel for those persons who lost someone special in the tragic incident. i just have to bring it closer to home. Grand. i still miss you.

Sept Grace

I'm grateful -
for friendships that allow us to chat, sit and watch mindless television.
for having the love i deserve, even when i am not deserving.
dreams.
simple overstanding.
growth.
face book and my old friends... (validation)
G.O.D.
poems.
laughter.
a job i don't always like, but a job nonetheless.
breathing.
cleaning and breathing and laughing and remembering
E.W.F.
faith in that which cannot be seen but reveals itself in time...

a reminder...

09.09.04. the last time i talked to you. and when i was really hurting and missing you most. jill scott reminded me in a hidden track. i had listened to that cd many times and never heard that song, until that moment when i needed it most. that's my biggest jillio connection.

sometimes i don't recognize it, but i know.... you're still here. you're with me and you're helping me grow into the woman i am suppose to become. i think you'd be proud. i know you aren't sitting on some cloud watching me, but i like to think you're in my ear every once in a while. whispering to me, telling me everything i need to know.. when the time is right. i don't call your number anymore, because i'm afraid someone will answer it and it would break my heart. i don't know how many phones i've had since 2004, i know i've had at least two this year. your number transfers with the phone. you sit above me at work so when i lift my head it's you that i see. when i needed to be grounded i look ahead toward my mom. and of course when i search toward the heavens, my help cometh from....

I am a boisterous river I am a mountains story I am a quiet feeling I am a fragrant flower I am a moonlit evening I am a peaceful night I am a writers thinking I am a wealth unfathomed And if you don't recognize my presence, I am here And if you don't recognize me, I am here I am a source of power I am excited journey I am the rock of patience I am a whisper singing I am unbridled freedom I am the thought from thinking I am a love unshattered... jill scott

super woman, if you fly by one night,

I am reaching my hand to you in sisterhood and friendship. I am reaching for you. I am placing my hand out to pull you up and in when you want it. I will give you my hand when you decide you need it. I am and will be here. I want to reach deep inside you, and re-assure you, and let you know. I understand. It’s okay. I can’t say I’ve been where you are, but I’ve been some where near there. And it’s tiring. I know what it’s like to have a million answers to a thousand questions and not have the skill to solve the biggest mystery of them all. The key to personal happiness.
And I know, the many answers doubled with questions silence your spirit and arrest your soul, creating restless night, after night, after knight, after knight. And after reaching for the answers to everyone's problems, your personal goals, him, him and him.. reaching toward the darkened solitude of your mind is the only thing you know. ‘cuz, right now, it feels like the only thing you have left. I can tell you it isn't. You know that already. You know it is not the solace you need. Yet it feels good. And I know it makes you believe that you are at peace. It’s simply ONE piece of the pieces of the puzzle that puzzles the peace most and keeps us one piece shy of solving the puzzle. (alliterative verse)
I’m perplexed. I’ve never been good at puzzles. I’ve never had the patience but I'm good at riddles, and I'm listening. I'm listening closely for the alliterate verse and the double meaning behind each of your words. Because I want to solve you. I want to solve your problems for you.

And I like to believe I've been a good friend and that I'm good with you. I’m quick on my feet and slick with the lips, so I always believed that if, and that’s a big IF, the time came and there was a problem I could find the right words, to snatch you from the person I believed wronged, hurt or tried to take you from me. My active imagination would have never allowed me to believe, that person, my arch nemesis would be, YOU. My words have failed me and you know I can’t fight. So I am puzzled, I can't understand why I cannot say or hand you a piece of my peace to make you whole, again. Complete. And I want to, more than anything. I want to do for you what you’ve always done for me. Make me feel better. Make me laugh. Make me see the other side. Make me not feel sorry for myself. Make me, me again. Or maybe it was the G.O.D. in you that always provided the guidance…. And now I’m afraid, that I am gifted with the intention but not the action. Intellectually I know that’s not the case, but in my heart, I can’t help but struggle with you through your struggle.
I think that’s what friends do, at least the good ones. Not co-dependently, but you know.
And yes, I’m worried and sometimes I cry. Not so much that I don’t believe you can't or won’t find your way back, just so much that I don’t want you to forget. I don't want you to forget that "super" is a nickname and not your label. That nothing in this world can define you better than you! Just how wonderful and special you are. And that I want to be there for you like you’ve been there for me. And I want to sit in the darkness with you, hold your hand and tell you absolutely nothing but be there and listen to you breathe. To remind you that you don’t have to be alone. That you’re never alone.

And when you’re ready, we can pull away the covers, tie them upon our backs, open the blinds, and fly.. not toward the moon, but the heat of the sun.. because that what stars do... and you are my super....
xx0xx

ebony and ivory

I AM SO LOVING FACE BOOK!!! okay, so I found another friend... i found her through her daughter (sydnee) who was like my daughter. syd was in my daycare class. (yes, believe it or not, i taught a daycare class 2 yr olds in the morning and 4 and 5 yr olds in the afternoon every mon. weds. and fri. i only had classes on tuesday and thursday. i was really good at it. if i hadn't been dumb i could have been the nanny for the birdwells who offered me room, board and to pay half my tuition for grad school if i worked for them upon graduation. i couodn't do it, i liked to party too much. and the birdwells were another story, their kids were similar to the ad i posted a few days ago. no one wanted them in their class, they responded to me well though. i found jason on facebook as well, he is doing well.) ANYWAY syd followed me everywhere at the day care and i took her everywhere with me outside of daycare. actually syd was only two (like amy birdwell) and was in my class because she cried if I was there and she wasn't with me. anyway shauna and i became fast friends. SHE is the FRIEND OF ALL FRIENDS!!! like for real, for real. we lost touch after I moved to Dallas. (i mean she is like adrienne, terry and bola. my friends from junior high and undergrad!) thanks angel!!!! i mean my gosh! you guys just REALLY don't understand. Me and this WOMAN.. were Ebony and Ivory... like for real.. for real.. i have looked for her on and off for about 6 years. the first thing syd wrote in her e-mail was "my mom said she's been waiting on your call or just knock on her door." when i spoke to her this morning, she said, "you know you're elusive butt can't be found on anything, what took you so damn long?"
me i just laughed and smiled.

"...easy bake oven? You got a point, but dolls.."

so i was cleaning and thinking, thinking and cleaning away my thoughts and another september. ran across the HBO project, Chelle and I doing "Dollology" at the 2006 National Poetry Slam Quarterfinal bout at the Hide Out Mic Theater.

i dislike dolls, for too many reasons to explain in this post.

we went hard. that was really a good piece. that easy bake oven and knocker bocker thing was hilarious. you can really hear the crowd getting the points. funny the things we dealt with the weeks leading to that moment. funnier, despite and in spite she is a person i prolly couldn't go a week without seeing or talking to...

i was reminded of something she said... then something angel said. then brian. then i laughed. i watched the performance over and over again laughing. that was a good time.

it's funny when people get you. funnier when you get them. priceless when you get each other. thanks to all who manage to "get each other"!

"dollology, the field of study that teaches..." actually it, the poem and the process, taught me a lot.

tonight...

i want to rest in your twilight.
wrap my arms around your goodnights.
bask in your dawn.
taste the good of morning dew upon the sweet of your lips.
if you let me, i will even embrace your darkness.
cloak my light around us and
pray ,
sing,
cry,
(with you
and for you )
until the sun breaks into a gazillion starry wishes.
for real.. i will...
kdtaylor, 2008
section 8 coffee publications
all rights reserved

Another September

the conception of beauty is synonymous with rain storming in her eyes…
and I want to take the pleasure of her pressure away.
regret swells within her bosom, like cumulus clouds on long, sweltering days,
graying the blue in her lifetime of skies.
her opaque dreams crash torrential tomorrows,
she is unable to see the promise of today .
she, timid in forgiveness, wears anguish like her favorite fragrant;
voraciously ravenous to some, implausible in mine.
the maliciousness of love continues to plague her soul,
and I simply want to guide her toward the rapture
of adoration and love that lies,
just outside the window of her
graying blue skies..

kdtaylor, 2008
section 8 coffee publications
all rights reserved

WANT AD Disclaimer

I wish I could take credit for the Want-Ad. I can't. I was an actual posting on Craig's List. It was filled over the weekend.