Graft Skin and Purple Pieces

Legend (Graft Skin and Purple Pieces)

the greatest stories never told
are deeply buried in prose
beneath crow's feet.
are scrawled in pidgin
riding waves of laugh lines.
are hidden, haphazardly
thrown between folds of skin;
wrinkled, tattered, torn.
pieced together.
layered thinly.
forced to stretch
beyond what can wildly be imagined.
emoting that which is
seldom shared.
hidden from self...
spoken only, to God
in the thunderous booms
between breaks
of silence and quiet.
at times,
it is synchronized to the twinkle
of gases masquerading as stars
in the light of night.
tatted vividly,
tribal like,
around arms muscled
into weakness.
appearing frail,
remaining strong.
lift your head.
like you, it's simply beautiful.
it doesn't mean you have aged
it simply shows that you have lived.
having spent each
second to minute by hour
tumbling toward twilight,
skipping upon droplets of
multi-colored tears.
child-like, a picture book
sharing tales which have no words.
your footprints,
rain bowed characters
carrying torched songs
for others to sing
at the break of dawn.
there are ancient paitos
upon sacred scrolls,
etched masterfully
in the arch of your back.
with each move, bend
and curve your story unfolds.
haikus and poems
darken life and love lines
along your palms.
healing others, at times self,
leaving just enough of you,
behind.
for others to remember,
to reminisce.
so say stories seldom told
are the ones hidden behind
the rose tinted smile.
in smooth ridge of
lyrics lying softly upon lips
speak..
easy..
pray.
praise.
live.
your story.


kdtaylor, 2006
section 8 coffee publications
all rights reserved...

okay. i read it today at work. it was cool. i would like to make more of this. perhaps if i get if off book it will come to life.. not sure.. what do you think? also, a real feat.. no i's, me's nothing referencing me... hooray!!!!

well, i did put on out there

I get a break today.. of sorts. Have I told you they are working my ass off? I'm keepin gup with you B and Michelle... I'ver had to print your blogs... Damn.. DId I mention they're working my ass off? And those that know me know that's a lot of ass (personality and physically) BA Da Ching! If I don't laugh at myself, some mofo will beat me to it. hahahaha... Any who.. I get a break for an hour or two, so that I can write a poem for a co-worker who is retiring... Well, I've wanted to write this piece, so I will try to poetically incorporate her into this... Angel. Welcome back!!!!!!

Grafted Skin....

The greatest stories never told
are buried beneath crows feet.
are scrawled in pidgin riding waves of laugh lines.
are hidden between folds of skin.
wrinkled prose emoting that which is
seldom shared,
hidden from self,
spoken only, to God
in the thunderous booms
between breaks
of silence and quiet.
at times,
it is synchronized to the twinkle
of gasses masquerading as stars
in the light of night.
lift your head,
like you, it is simply beautiful.
It doesn't mean you have aged
It simply shows that you have lived..
having spent each
second to minute by hour
tumbling toward twilight,
skipping droplets of
multi-colored tears.
your footprints,
rain bowed words
for others to follow.

Ketchup? Of course, Heinz....

10.20.06 Friday
It's gonna be a memorable weekend.
I drop by Johnston to check on my girl. I've found that giving a small piece of me is the only way I can further myself on this journey. At times it gets the best of me and my emotions. Sometimes, taking these strong skilled hands and turning them on self, snatching and clawing away at all that.... It just is.
She smiles when she sees me in the hall. Wonders how I found her. Says all adults lie to her and she didn't expect any different from me. She didn't expect to see me, especially on Friday afternoon. We talk, we ride. She says thank you with inquisitive eyes and questions which I answer to her surprise. She's gonna try out for the basketball team next week. I wish her luck, I have to leave on Monday for work. She gives me a gentle embrace through eye contact. I know the pain she hides. All I want to be is someone who listens and is there. I give her my card, write my cell number on the back, and tell her I'll see her a week from Monday. I can't promise anything else, because I may have to work late because of the work I will be doing next week. She says thank you.
The kids come to town. My niece and nephew have not met their new family, so it's gonna be interesting. They love their Aunt Kimmie, so they'll love her choices. You think? Maybe... The boychild volunteers to ride and falls asleep midway. So me the niece and nephew catch up. My sister does a wonderful job with them. They are beautiful, intelligent and free thinking free spirits. They make my heart smile... Yes, God.. Thank you, I have no seed of my own, but I will leave a legacy behind.
10.21.06 Saturday
A house full of kids 15 through 2. Running, playing , painting, cartoons... My nephew, the boychild and I go to the park to play basketball. I beat him in horse two times. He beats me one on one with only outside shots. We talk between swishes of net and beads of sweat. He remembers how I used to torture him, beating him every year.. Summer after summer. The last two have been a no go because of basketball camps. He can't wait to beat me. I can wait to lose to him.. He remembers that I am the one who purchased his first basketball goal. We laugh because it was Grant Hill (who almost never played a full season)... He knows I want him to be a Duke man. He wants to play in Austin so that I don't have to miss a home game (spend the night on the weekends). He doesn't know yet that he will want to spend time on campus and enjoy his new found freedom. He's fifteen and still loves his parents, aunt and sister like as he did as a toddler.. Never wanting anyone far from eye sight or ear shot. He's a man now... She, wanting to be with her brother tags along, but like her mother can't stand to sweat. Erica rescues her and takes her home to paint. When we arrive they are painting a mirror.. She smiles, look Aunt Kimmie... I'm taking this one home. But I need to make you another picture so that you can replace the one in your office. I want her to follow her heart and paint the world she wants to live in... And I will try to live through her eyes, if only for those moments when I miss her most and stare into the black marker scrawling matted and framed in the sitting room.
10.22.06 Sunday
There are like 6 kids in the house and she loves it. I mistakenly make breakfast for an army (eggs, sausage, and biscuits). Everyone's walking around in pj's scampering for covers, huddled in front of the television. The girls start crafting and the youngest of the crew can't make up her mind between the boys or the girls. Running up and down the stairs. I think I like this feeling.... It reminds me of a time when we all (my sister and cousins) spent the night with one another.. I thought the older ones would be tired since they had a party when our old asses went to sleep.. But they were just getting started....
10.23.06 Monday
damn.. It's not daylight savings weekend and I've lost an hour sleep... Traveling for the job.. Got to love it... Moving toward that promotion and it feels good.... Feels real good...
10.24.06 Tuesday
miss home.. Listen to my new john legend.... Damn john... Damn...
10.25.06 Wednesday bringing grateful back
01) having a home to return to after a long short week of work.
02) prayers... Yes they are answered
03) prioritizing.. I didn't go on the tour, in some ways it's a bummer, but I have to work toward my goal to become a managing auditor.
04) vicarious living.. I can live through them and read their blogs.. Still won't stop the jealousy, but thank god for # 2..
05) moving on... Damn.. It feels good to just be moving on, trying to remember the lessons but not reliving the pain, or re-creating the story. My eyes are wide open.
06) calling people on the phone and asking stupid questions before you say hello like, "you ever smell a fart so fresh, you almost have to wonder if it's you?" or "have you ever ran your finger past your nose, and thought perhaps you put your hand some where it really didn't belong?" it makes you laugh to make them laugh...
07) poetry and oh my gosh hosting.. I get to do it tonight...
08) the Anthony David street team package baby... Mix tape cd's, posters, man what am I gonna do?
09) breathing.. And never taking it for granted...
10) clarity.. Again so much better from here..

10.26.06
did I mention they are working my ass off? I'm in meetings all day. No IM's, no blogs, no e-mails, dang...

10.27.06
did I mention they're working my ass off? It's Friday, 6:05 and I'm still working, while trying to post this blog....

Hey you! You know who you are... let's meet for lunch at the same place all those Mondays ago. You game? If so call me...

And you, let's go to Starbuck's call me this weekend or I'll call you... Okay Lovely?

COPA I LOVE YOU!!!!!! MO I LOVE YOU, TOO!

what a long strange trip...

Life has a way of catching up with you. Old folk often talk about going home... Returning to your true self... As you age there is creature comfort in acknowledging one's past. Embracing it as an old friend... Including those things that haunt you. Things you run from all your life, then you simply stop. Maybe because it's too tiring.. Or like playing that youthful game of tag in childhood.. You make a choice to be caught, because you discover that there is laughter in the pursuit, as well as being perused. One day you wake up and simply re-create yourself to your old natural self.. Learning there is no true freedom in distancing yourself from your past, your childhood, your personal history. The desire to be free from.. Well, from your parent's, or in my case, grandparent's fear, has become a warm blanket that protects us. Becomes an inner voice that we "wished we'd listened to" because it would have saved us from much heart ache and break.
My Great Grand did it. Becoming a mid-wife, property owner, and never remarrying, because my Great Grandfather was the only man she loved. My Grand did it. Further separating herself from a family of teachers and preachers.. She loved all things reefer and jazz. My mother did it, disastrously of course... Leaving me and my sister one half less than whole. And I.. Wanting to escape the "poor things, you know their mother's dead.." Pauses, sighs, and looks... I ran frantically to.. Well, a lot of things. And on the day I lost the last matron in my village... I ran to all things WRONG. Realizing those mistakes, I self corrected or as life has it, they corrected themselves. We're all better for it. Now.. Comes the harder part. Continuing to separate myself, distance yourself, because... Well, it's not you or me.. And the truth is...
Now. I examine my life and the circle that surrounds me. There is still connection to all things wrong.

I have friends whom I've known for decades. We refer to each other by the number of years we've known one another. We laugh at and search for, in one another, ongoing strength. Just to stay grounded. As time passes, we, ever believing in our eternal youth, feeling that time has somehow passed us, because "black don't crack", foolishly buy into the reflections staring back at us in our mirrors.. That we are still young. Kids. And we laugh. Then you realize, I'm grown, with a grown up life. And you wake up one morning, thinking.... Damn, and some more things, but I'll keep that to myself.
I was talking to and e-mailed a couple of friends about life and relationships. Particularly our own. I told them both something like, "If they have a problem with your relationship, and feel as if you don't belong together.. Tell 'em fuck 'em, even if it's me. You don't have to prove anything to anyone in your relationship. Don't let an outsider in your bedroom. They will never leave. When you're in an "adult relationship" you could give a damn about someone else. They're not sustaining you, and consequently, they could really give a damn about you. People talk to fill space and time, it was in passing, believe me no one is that vested. And if think they are, than you or your boy/girl friend are probably sleeping with the wrong person. One of you needs to be fcking the mofo you keep talking about and bringing into your relationship. It's you that gives them the power. Your successes are yours. You don't have to brag about it. People don't buy that shit, and it fuels their tongues. Like people with money, if you have to talk about it, you're probably broke. Just like love... If you have to keep talking about how much you love 'em, you're trying to convince the wrong person, 'cuz it's probably you. In the end, if they're lucky, you'll grant them the opportunity to celebrate with you what you have built, together." We all laughed, individually. And in one instance, I smiled inside... Because I realized in that moment that I wanted us to be friends forever.... And it's that. Those Mae Lou moments... My great grand had a way of giving advice, offering little antidotes, with this huge heart. Always wanted what was best for someone, anyone.. This last year I remembered that it was something she'd passed on to me. Telling stories, talking, wanting to help... Things that caused me to love my great grand so much, were once a part of me. And I realized that behind my gruffness and all the poor choices I've made since my Grand's death, I have actually met a few people that I love. Care about their well being. That's how I lived my life. Until I felt like it wasn't safe, that it would hurt too much to let go... Not to say there weren't some predatory, miserable mofos lurking in the shadows... It never meant I had to change me.. Even now.. So I am moving back to me.
The other night, we did a show, and Langston was a little disappointed. He wanted me to do a piece that I actually could not do, and when I attempt to do it comes out crappy. I just don't have that type of animosity in me. Not that angry.. And I hate the way it makes me feel when I'm through.. It's entitled "Burn"..... I've retired the piece. It is probably the best, yet the cruelest and ugliest piece I've ever written.. Scary, I meant every word. A different time. It feels pretty damn good to be free of that time. It feels real good.

So thanks to a few people whom I've realized that, well... For the opportunity to develop lasting friendships... Even those days when I made it difficult, and more so for those days when I, wrought with confusion and hurt didn't know how to be a better one to you... Let's see, you know who you are it's been helpful the last couple of months...
for you, "no, I can never be THAT mad at you again."
for you, "it's something about being raised by old people."
for you, "the truth never means that love dies, it gets stronger.. And ugh, what about lunch?"
for you, "teaching me so much about adult friendship, and now our tragic loving bond in septembre."
for you, "always checking on me. I got your text. dang.... I'll let you know next time. Promise."
for you, "yes, staying in my lane.. Am glad I've gotten to know you."

for you,"being the funniest, cutest nerd I know."
for you,"put it down in BK... live miK.."

lastly, to you for realizing that we'll never be that close again. i wish you all the happiness and success in the world......

Justin'

I'm Bringing Grateful Back....

01) for his eternal love and presence in my life.... i am.. speechless.

02) for the gift of love.. sacra-religious i know, but i know he is ever present in my life when i look into those brown eyes...

03) friendships... we don't have to talk everyday to know that the bond continues to grow daily.

04) conversation, the wire, snuffaluffagus, kat williams, crooked fingers and pizza...

05) cell phone poetry to my circle of sister writers

06) trust

07) perserverance

08) attitude for gratitude

09) my family

10) lazy sunday - snuggles and tv watching - with cell phones off

11) fried chicken, fried corn, sweet potatoes, and creamed spinach (thanks)

12) service.. mentoring the kids at johnston has been good to and for my soul!

13) talaam acey's coming tonight... yup!!!

EXTRA ADDED BONUS: BET for allowing me to listen to Robin Thicke which I am going to buy..

and VH1 for allowing me to listen to John Legend a week early.... I'm feeling the '60's vibe.. YUP!

My gift to you...

http://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~geoffo/humour/flattery.html

k.i.m.

other reasons to be happy

First.... I am happy and enjoying life after a couple of scrapes, or shall I say things that didn't quite go my way... I'm Re-learning that I have a hella sense of humor and am laughing a lot lately.

Last night.. man, was I glad to be home back home in our bed. Nothing like snoring in your own bed, listening to things like "did you move the calculator?" , "why's my water blue?" and other nonsensical comments.. SOMEONE TALKS IN THEIR SLEEP WHEN THEY ARE TIRED!

Last night.. earlier... I transgressed in ways unimaginable, until Brian got up, he won. But hey, love is fun... I couldn't make up my mind about slamming, so once I decided, I had to go first since I didn't draw a number.. Then Angel advised me against it, feeling I should sit out, aside from that I don't want to keep competing with the same poems.. So I decided to do love poems.. And actually it was fun.. Even though I've never finished that low... I finished higher in the end. nuff said, sho nuff...

Yesterday, the shuttle bus ride to my car... This lady was obnoxiously loud while talking on her cell phone. The power of a group, she was so annoying that most people on the shuttle began making not so pleasant comments toward her, loud enough for her and whom ever she was speaking to could hear... She was babbling about selling a house, being low balled by a bidder, and how it's worth 250,000...

Having crinkles in my hair and wearing orange is a turn on (to most)... Thanks guys you made me feel like I was bring Sexy Back.. Yup!

Neo-Soul.. Damn Neo-Soul... Baby we back... The audience has grown and so have the folk... It's home with a hellalotlessdrama... LONG LIVE THE PEACE AND HAPPINESS!!!!!

Congrats: Michelle.. Sarah and Ms. Jackson on the wins last night!

and blam! Baby.. We made it to the Austin Chronicle again.. .BEST GROUP EFFORT 2006 in the ARTS.. They didn't name a poet, they named a TEAM.. Man, feels good... Feels real good..

Special shout out to my friends' kids.. The little super heroes who inspire their parents to do so much more.... They are doing some amazing things... Happy Birthday Miss Sometimey... With your pretty, cute as a button self! Cam... They are going to hold you sometimes, but you can still beat 'em... Glad you're having a good time playing football this year. Taylor... Breaking hearts? I know... Bow Wow's not good enough, you'll learn that in a couple of years..., but I will continue to look for something with him on it or in it for you. Jono... Miss you hunny bunny gum drop kissy face el debarge looking barry white voiced sugar dripping spitting poet.... to my gurl tee from the pretty tree, your branches are equally as beautiful... Jay, next time you have to leave the pictures you make for me so I can hang 'em up in my office with the others... And yes, I missed my good-bye.. (yes, Sarah, I still have 'em! Looking at them right now!) Brent.. I love what you're doing in your Best Friend's absence.. He would be proud.. Shannon hope to see ya on Def Poetry! J-rod play music and dazzle the ladies... Remember, you can name one song after all of them, they'll never know.. And CT the son I never had, but found, in so many ways I am better because of you... nuff said sho nuff...

and lastly.. angel's post

"Today, I resolve to hold tightly to the positive friendships I currently have, and to let go of those negative relationships that hinder me."

better late then never

I'm Bringing Grateful Back, YUP!

01) The power of Re continues to baffle me, and re-learning a lot about myself and my resolve.

02) The cleansing strength in tears... sometimes you just have to cry (what I did all Friday afternoon, after the Texas data base fiasco.)

03) September.. man, I made it thru it. Am on the other side. Feels good.

04) Hosting. I would have never known it would be the catalyst for personal growth.

05) Prayer. anytime, anywhere...

06) Meeting new people. Funny what happens when you change.. People and situations become aheckamore positive. And it has...

07) 13 Elm Ct. my home, my little family..

08) My friends. And yes. You really have become that.

09) poetry. the power of words, just brings people together.

10) staying in my lane. again. i am loving the view.

11) lessons.. learning them everyday. particulairly humilty and pride... i don't always have to be competetive! sometimes losing is winning. and i loved the smile my transgresions put upon her face tonight.. came in 5th, but 1st on her scorecard.

12) country drives into work, they are so relaxing.

13) carlos, the man who helped me when i got off the air shuttle to find my back tire on flat. (a friggin nail!)

Lemme c, whur do I start?

wednesday- had to be one of the hottest nights of poetry.. interia came thru and blew up the spot. former brooklynite did it again, and the colorist, well..... well let's say she painted the scene green... if i didn't know and love her, i'd be jealous...
thursday- hung over
friday - let's see.. scare of my life. long short. try this, the great state of texas says my mother's name is pauline if i was born on the 20th, mary if i was born on the 16th... all of my information is basically fcked up in texas's data base, so i have to go to court and either deny my great grand's love and her name, or deny the most important thing in the world to me (the name my mother gave me) (too personal to go on) (a very fcked up day!) hight light.. had lunch with b and laughed our asses off.. before the texas data base fiasco!
saturday - why'd i get out of bed? had to go to work...
sunday - better baby! hosted the youth slam.. those kids are hella better than most adults. rachel mckibbens hit the mic for a quick treat... remind myself to beat myself, forgot about sonia's baby shower!!!!! rats... (which was why rachel was in town) ohh and did i mention i had to go back to the office? why am i sneezing so much?
monday - baby - "baby what time is your flight?" me - "6:30" baby - "it's 4:45" me - "fck!" by the grace of G.O.D. there was only one red light. CAMERON ROAD AND 183.. no heavy travel... but... why am i still sneezing? my eyes are burning.. my head is hurting.. i'm suppose to go see anthony david.. instead i am walking around walgreens looking for cold medicine... which i o.d. on, how do you o.d. on robitusson? don't ever do it it feels like shit. i wake up in the middle of the night on fricking fire.... my eyes are red... i must be at least 102 or 103. call the front desk they bring me asprin... i wake up every hour on the hour until 6:30 am to pee and drink glasses of water.. DAMN GINA!!!!
tuesday - post... hi mo! jo got your e-mail. tee great poem.. holla oh yea, and fck spell check, i'm still feverish, and am drunk on robitusson and barcardi limon! feels good...

Justin don't know...

Bringing Grateful Back. Yea.. I don't know how to act...

01) the power of prayer and the infinite wisdom of RE-

02) her. wow. just her.

03) recognizing my own lane, and loving the view from it... k.i.m.'s gotta fast car...

04) gifting thru friendship and words.

05) rebuilding self and bonding with an old soul. thanks. heart ya.

06) circle sister circle. let's become infinite wisdom and love.

07) orange shirts! and being called jack.

08) in 24 hours i managed to talk to all of my sisters and that was a feat...

09) mentorship, a little advice with a laugh...

10) knowing that everyone and everything has a place.. even if it's not with me.

11) routine... god it feels good.

12) akeelah and the bee and cuddling... way cool!

13) my family and friends (true) it feels good re-defining what it really and truly means.

Going Back To Me...

I was talking to my 29 year old (we refer to one another by the years of our friendship) the other day. She remarked on how different I was during the last visit, and the dis-ease/disease I showed in my own skin. She stated "..... While, it was good to see you more outgoing, there were things that were not your character. Just not you." Initially I wanted to be defensive, because I really didn't want to hear it. But she was right. We talked about "thir13teen" the character. And how I had begun to operate under the guise of duplicity, and I was failing miserably. We laughed. We laughed and giggled about the years, and how we both, under pressure, fear, anxiety, angst, success, and happiness, made changes, attempted to alter our path, but it would always lead it back to this point. Back here. Back home. Where you feel the most comfortable. I think that's why I've grown close to one person in particular as of late. She reminds me of that place. She reminds me of being too young to be old, and too old to be young. If that makes sense. You've read before that I was reared by my great grand. From 5 to 11, my formative years. She was at least sixty years my junior. Can you imagine? Most can't. Here are 21 very true things about me as well as some things that people forgot.

01. I cannot dance. No matter how hard I try. I just doesn't feel comfortable.
02. I say the same prayer she taught me. Anytime I need a prayer that's the one I turn to.
03. I am a nerd, and have never been cool in persona. I was good in sports and was funny. There's a huge difference.
04. I don't particular care to drink alcohol. Most people forget that when I started at Neo-Soul I didn't drink anything stronger than a coke.
05. I used to smoke cigarettes. Actually I smoked for nearly ten years. Marlboro Lights in a box and cloves.
06. In undergrad I preferred alternative/college music over R&B and Rap.
07. I wanted to be a Delta more than anything in the world.
08. I went to undergrad on a volleyball scholarship. It was my weakest sport.
09. I turned down LSU because I was going to be red-shirted, and if I was allowed to run, I would not run indoor.
10. If I can't be with the person whom I love, I'd rather be alone.
11. I prefer to visit with people, not in person, but over the phone while driving.
12. I'm really TOTALLY uncomfortable in crowds.
13. I REALLY don't like attention. Think about it, I wear dark colors, travel alone, and before I hosted, sat in the back alone, or with one or two people. And when I'm not hosting, I hardly sit, I stand in the corner.
14. If I could live anywhere it'd be Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts. YES, EVEN IN THE WINTER!
15. I prefer mid tempo to slow songs with really good lyrics. My all-time favorite lyricists are Stevie Wonder and Marvin Gaye.
16. I prefer all of my friends, lovers and aquaintances to be older than me.
17. If I could have a dog, it would be a schnauzer.
18. If I could purchase any car it would be 1984 Volkswagen Rabbit/1969 Volkswagen Thing/1967 Lincoln Continetal with suicide doors.
19. If I won the Lottery I wouldtake a 6 week vacation to Mykonos, Greece; The Kimberly, Austalia; and Costa Rica and RETURN TO MY CURRENT PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT.
20. My favorite past-time is looking at television, mindless reality t.v shows, because I don't watch soap operas, they remind me of my village.

21. I go to the same Starbuck's each and every time in every city I have traveled, no matter where it is located. (I go to Starbuck's 6 of 7 days a week.)

The Essential Etheridge Knight

copa asked and it shall be done. no question.... Etheridge Knight. most people say nikki g, and i ain't hatin' that's an obvious choice. i mean who didn't have a copy of one of her books in their living room growing up? try to find cotton candy on a rainy day.... the real version.. but this is my man from the Black Arts Movement, he was once married to the great Sonia Sanchez... I went ahead and posted the poem he wrote when she left him... He is the first of what I believe a street poet is.. and writes about. raw. gritty. I love him because he captures the life and times... and hell, I feel him on this piece... nine in nine.. Also, if you have me'shell n'dgeocello cookie mix tape anthology.. you've heard him.. listen close.

The Idea of Ancestry
by Etheridge Knight

Taped to the wall of my cell are 47 pictures:47 black faces:

my father, mother, grandmothers (1 dead),

grand-fathers (both dead), brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts,
cousins (1st and 2nd), nieces, and nephews. They stare
across the space at me sprawling on my bunk. I know
their dark eyes, they know mine. I know their style,
they know mine. I am all of them, they are all of me;
they are farmers, I am a thief, I am me, they are thee.
I have at one time or another been in love with my mother,
1 grandmother, 2 sisters, 2 aunts (1 went to the asylum),
and 5 cousins. I am now in love with a 7-yr-old niece
(she sends me letters in large block print, and
her picture is the only one that smiles at me).
I have the same name as 1 grandfather, 3 cousins, 3 nephews,
and 1 uncle. The uncle disappeared when he was 15, just took
off and caught a freight (they say). He's discussed each year
when the family has a reunion, he causes uneasiness in
the clan, he is an empty space. My father's mother, who is 93
and who keeps the Family Bible with everbody's birth dates
(and death dates) in it, always mentions him. There is no
place in her Bible for "whereabouts unknown."
Each fall the graves of my grandfathers call me, the brown
hills and red gullies of mississippi send out their electric
messages, galvanizing my genes. Last yr/like a salmon quitting
the cold ocean-leaping and bucking up his birth stream/I
hitchhiked my way from LA with 16 caps in my pocket and a
monkey on my back. And I almost kicked it with the kinfolks.
I walked barefooted in my grandmother's backyard/I smelled the
oldland and the woods/I sipped cornwhiskey from fruit jars with the
men/I flirted with the women/I had a ball till the caps ran out
and my habit came down. That night I looked at my grandmother
and split/my guts were screaming for junk/but I was almost
contented/I had almost caught up with me.
(The next day in Memphis I cracked a croaker's crib for a fix.)
This yr there is a gray stone wall damming my stream, and when
the falling leaves stir my genes, I pace my cell or flop on my bunk
and stare at 47 black faces across the space. I am all of them,
they are all of me, I am me, they are thee, and I have no children
to float in the space between.

Feeling Fucked Up

by Etheridge Knight

Lord she's gone done left me done packed / up and split
and I with no way to make her
come back and everywhere the world is bare
bright bone white crystal sand glistens
dope death dead dying and jiving drove
her away made her take her laughter and her smiles
and her softness and her midnight sighs—
Fuck Coltrane and music and clouds drifting in the sky
fuck the sea and trees and the sky and birds
and alligators and all the animals that roam the earth
fuck marx and mao fuck fidel and nkrumah and
democracy and communism fuck smack and pot
and red ripe tomatoes fuck joseph and mary fuck
god jesus and all the disciples fuck fanon nixon
and malcolm fuck the revolution fuck freedom fuck
the whole muthafucking thing
all i want now is my woman back
so my soul can sing

The Power of RE

Seldom if ever do I discuss my early Sunday morning activity. I believe in a personal relationship with G.O.D. (good orderly direction). And religion, like politics as well as who you should love are the quickest ways to clear a room and end friendships. However, this sermon was so powerful that I wanted to share it. And also some randomness that could only come from my twisted mind....
God you know my heart and my intentions..
First, I do not attend the church I am a member of, as of late, it has become the church to place on your resume, if you are an upwardly mobile, employed by the State of Texas in a mid to upper management level African American or Black between the ages of 30 and 55 and reside in the Negroville/Brown Rock/Wells Black area... (Pflugerville/Round Rock/Wells Branch). I have to avoid the grocery store on weekends, days off and (not) sick days, because I can EASILY RUN INTO AT LEAST 5 people from work or another area within the HHSC enterprise. So I began attending another one closer to my home. Anyway...
The Minister of the church was away, so the Sr. Minister delivered the service. He discussed the idea of RE-
Function: prefix Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin re-, red- back, again, against 1 : again : anew 2 : back : backward
You know, re-newing, re-doing, re-acclimating, re-juvinating, re-adjusting, re-dedicating, re-emphasizing, etc... Because sometimes you have to start from the inside... Circumstances allow the exterior to change, but re-adjusting and re-visiting your home, your base, causes us to re-examine our lives. Make necessary changes to re-invent you or re-discovering who YOU are... Asking God to just Re you. I'm an English major so his use of the concept and words were great. He even stated he was an English major, so I was really feeling and following him, until....
God you know my heart and my intentions, during the sermon there was a slide presentation on the wall behind, highlighting the POINTS of the sermon. WHY was the word divine, spelled incorrectly not once, but twice. Thank goodness for the third time is a charm intervention, by the time the third slide came across the screen, I was elated. However, the misspelling of the word caused me to focus on two things, he didn't enunciate well and he had a horrible Ft. Worth accent, all of which, I abhor! Thank goodness it only lasted five minutes or so, and I kept praying that I'd re-focus and not burst out laughing. Especially when I turned around and a little girl was telling her mother the word was misspelled. Don't get me wrong I still enjoyed the service.... It was one of the best I heard. And it's right in line with my mantra.... At the beginning of the year, I was on a plan to make some changes in my life, and they have been positive. I need to continue to make more. I haven't looked outside myself, but within. And it's working. I work at not surrounding myself with needy people, and while I don't set boundaries with the few needy people who remain in my life, I am working at allowing them the space to work through their shit. It's not mine to carry. I can't know anyone, unless I re-introduce me to me.
I realized I have been hurt and broken since I changed my name to thir13teen in early 2004. I had just ended a five year relationship because I could live with compatibility, and he needed someone who loved him more than I could at that time. It hurt, to face that realization. And unlike most women, I made a choice to be alone, not lonely, but it didn't change the anger I felt, not toward him, but me. My grand became very ill... And I continued to make choices that were not in my best interest. September 11, 2004, I lost the last matron of my village. And I allowed people in my life who would have never been allowed there, let alone my home. And yes, I paid a rather steep price for those choices. People talked about me, lied on me, and fcked over me, my name, my kindness, and then blamed me when I wanted to make changes for the better. January 2006, I made a decision to look at my life, and for the better, people fell off and out of my life. I re-examined definitions, re-defined them in most case, re-directed my life and my energies. Re-newed friendships based on mutual trust, honesty and respect. Today, I don't use the words friend, trust, or respect lightly. And re-discovered a word... frenemy which I am no longer afraid to use.
In paraphrasing the words of the great street philosopher:
Allow me to re-introduce myself, my name is Kim, K to the I M.....