Neo Stand UP!!!

Last night was off the mofokin chain... 'nuff said

do you now what today is?

It's Our Anniversary

Thanks June and Herm....

Neo - Soul five years strong!

An Oldie

conversations
"I mean, what would you do if you woke up the next morning and thought God was dead?".paraphrasing the work of Mr. Zell Miller, III Austin Slam Team 2005, 2006
She sat in darkened room, lightening shattered the depression that swelled inside her bosom. memories and ghosts from her past, sat stilled in the shadows."ah've known lil' peace, an' piece a' min' iza lux'ry ah can't a'ford. 'specially win ah done bounce da check owed from yesti'deys washed out dreams." i felt her noose of despair, regret and tears cut close against my neck. the sting jarred me back into the reality of the moment. silenced by betrayed voices, i sat paralyzed dodging her words. and her story. as if they were bullets threatening my life. the core of my existence. dodging, in fear, that one day, her story may be my own..."win ah die, dere may be tin, 'leven peoples at da fune'ral, dat's iffin dey ain't altready dead. mostly family. so ah guess ah'll be cremated." she chuckles eerily at the reality of her statement. "babee, ah have lived mah life 'n fear, 'n wile, ah don't pity mah'self fo' da de'cisons ah've made, at times ah'm, 'shamed. ah see it 'n yer face. chile, now, dontcha go feelin' sorry fa me. ah'm ma ole wo'min. ah've lived mah life. ah'm notta lonely wo'min. lone'ness iz ah state ah' min'. an' ah ain't got dat state 'n mah min'. jus' yit. always had mah thangs, ya know, mah share. ah've lived. even if 'n fear. ah've lived. ah've had family, friends an' love at dif'rent times 'n mah life. but mah bigges' struggle wuz jus' learnin' ta luv me. could nevah quite git dat one dere r'aight. life will giv' ya many 'speriences, ya jus' have ta chose da right lessin... sumthin', ah've nevah bin good at babee, sumthin'.... ah've, nevah bin good at. learnt much too late fa my likein', das ahl." she turns slightly to her left, allowing her voice to journey along the dust tracks to the corner of the small room. there rests shattered colors and scar tissue framed neatly along top a dresser. she smiles softly in their direction with conflicted solace. i am unable to recognize her seemingly affectionate gaze, as one of my own. yet, the feeling overwhelmed me."ah don't 'no if it wuz upbringin', loss, 'r gain dat taut me mos'. az a child, ah los' jus' 'bout ev'rythin', an' ev'ryone dat i believed evah luv me. dey simply walk out or died. an', let me tellya, don't let noone tellya dere's a difference. 'cuz it ain't. ah learnt dat peoples leave early 'n mah life. ah also learnt dat dey will dis'point ya. seem like leavin' an' dis'pointment wuz mo' like family den mah blood kin. so ah learnt real quick notta put too much stock 'n peoples. dat iffin ya wont anydang 'n dis here life, you hafta learn ta git it fo' yo'self. gots to be 'n control. gotta muddie yer feets, and callous yer hands.. 'cept, late' on, win ya ole like me, ya learn ya can't control nothin' sides you.. 'less, course ya willin' to fight. an' ah ain't nevah bin no fighta... ah'd like ta thank ah would iffin ah had ta.. ah'd put up a good front. ah'd stay, but 'n mah heart ah'd quit a long time 'go... guess, win it came r'aight down ta it.. nuthin' wuz really evah worff fightan' fo. guessin' das why noone evah really fot fa' me, ah rekon. ain't nevah fot fo' no man or wo'min fa dat matta. and chile, ah have a thurst. ah'm ma thrusty fa luv, lil like mos thrusty fa watta. bin dat wey since ah wuz a chile. guessin' no ma uh do dat der ta ya. so's ah lookit 'n otha peoples. neva made me fill no betta tho. guessin' dats why ah nevah had no chilin'. too hart fa 'em. me bein' dey ma an' all. an' ain't gone keep naw man 'roun' fah long e'ter.. hehehe.. peoples jus' git on mah nervs sumtime babee. but, ah've a'wayz bin thusrty fa luv. sumone ta luv me. so's one haz nevah bin 'nuff. seem likes dey sey one thang den do anutha. imma take careovya. imma do dis. imma do dat dere. an' me, well. ah starts out wit da bes' intentions, but ain't bin no good at finishin'. so we bof en' up not happy. and ah. well, like ah sed, ah needed mo. dat's all ah'll sey 'bout dat. guess, tho, jus' learnt it'z betta to be 'lone. ah ain't gone be lonelee wit sum damn body layin' up 'n mah bed. jus' learnt ya don't need no body but ya'self. Das' all ya really have 'n da en', jus' you an' God.'"thunder cracked, breaking my trance. i lay in cold sweat. in fear, i place my hand across my neck to feel the dampness of the welt from her noose.

Keep Your Head Up: Chaka Khan

When your heart is free.
It’s easy to make a decision.
When your head is clear.
You know you have good judgement
But when your life is turning topsy turvey
And you have no reasons for what’s disturbing
Remember these words my father said to me
He said: Keep your head up don’t say you love him (Keep your head)
Walk away from all that has hurt you (Find your power)
Find your power you know your strong
Make that step and it will help you along
When your mind's at peace (at peace)
Sleep comes so very peacefully
When you start to dream
They are wonderful and so very sweet
But when your life is turning topsy turvey
And you have no answers for what’s disturbing
Remember these words a preacher said to me
He said: Keep your head up don’t say you love him (Keep your head up)
Walk away from all that is hurting (Find your power)
Find your power you know your strong (Take that step)
Make that step and it will help you along
Why give up this time you can win (You can win)
Why give up this battle is within (Is within)
Why stay when you don't know what he's gonna do
Why choose him when its time to choose you
Keep your head up don’t say you love him
Walk away from all that is hurting
Find your power you know your strong
Make that step it will help you along
Keep your head up

Funky Mike and I are EXPECTING!!!!!!

YOU TO COME OUT AND SUPPORT!!!!!

Missing In Action; Don't think I ain't grateful

01) a home to run to: beautiful brown eyes and strong arms to hide in and forget the insanity around me....

02) going with you to find your new home and watching you grab your piece of the world! i can say i knew you when...

03) finding unsettling solace in silence only to remember i have a voice and a choice.

04) a wonderful lesson in knowing we can never go back there again. i think you may be stuck with me. sister friends forever, huh?

05) a quote texted to me last Thursday night.

06) sitting in the scorching heat last Friday afternoon with my father:brother:man and his fam. TWEET WE SAW A GIRL RUN AN 11.15!!!! and speaking of the heat, aren't we glad i borrowed the paper towels from the Women's restroom.

07) a poetry dinner that reminded of somethings.. and showing me that i have indeed grown the hell up. thanks JOSH!!!!!!!

08) the discovery of SIMONE... Dang Nina, Lisa Celeste is the BOMB (ears and eyes).

09) not blowing my top when in "tipsiness" he thought he was telling em something I didn't know.

10) that she trusts me enough...

11) remembering the words "in the beginning." because we can all start over, and for those who want to remind you where you once were, tell them they could always join you. 'cuz only an ass would hate on you for growing... for real....

12) happiness, did i say that already? i'm learning to find it through tears, 'cuz at least i care enough to hurt, and damn it i can feel so that means i'm alive? right?



and you know there is no 13...only G.O.D. good orderly direction thanks for your continued guidance and blessings....

Lessons on Silence continued from Monday

"In the end, we will remember the silence of our friends." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
I'm sorry I let you down. This is a difficult lesson and a jagged pill to swallow.

"You're silence will not protect you." Audre Lourde
Some one told me that you never see a fish on the wall with his mouth closed. So I thought.. well, it doesn't matter what I thought. It's what I didn't say that matter most.

"As we must account for every idle word, so must we account for every idle silence." Benjamin Franklin
I am accountable.

Poetry You Matter... There. I said it.

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." Martin Luther King, Jr.
when all is said and done, perhaps someone will remember, in the beginning, in the beginning, in the beginning there was the "WORD" and it was good. while my pen is dry, heart beat indifferently numb, i still remember when it was good. and damn it was so good.

Monday's Wisdom

"the way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice."

Proverbs 12:15

i have found that in my times of true insanity, i can always find someone to validate my thoughts and feelings. the true test of wisdom is to branch out and seek counsel from someone who: 1) has nothing to gain from my insanity and 2) is not seeking anything from me in return to validate my insanity. we can make anything we do or think, just and right; however, the most difficult task is dealing with the consequences of seeking and acting upon it. even more daunting is the recognition and acceptance that when it all falls a part, the fool is in fact, you.

Stacye!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS GRADUATE!!!

YOU ARE NO LONGER AN LVN.

My Younger Sister Stacye was pinned and is now an RN!!!

YOU GO GIRL!