thanks a lot.

01) g.o.d. for the direction i am continuing to be pushed in.... it is definitely good and orderly.

02) for having friends to miss. it was good seeing the two of you last night, even if we weren't sitting together talking. i'm getting fat so we have to lay off the chicken.

03) for hearing the excitement in your voice as you talk about the opportunities and experiences you've had over the last few months. i am soooooo happy for you, afro and all.

04) for a ride to killeen with an "old" friend. thank g.o.d. we never miss a beat or lose a single minute when we are apart.

05) for personal growth. i could never experience and learn from this moment without it.

06) for those beautifully strong penny colored hands that g.o.d. that have learned to hold me when i need them most.

07) for fear, it keeps me one step ahead of the race.

08) for love of family and friends that keep me in the race.

09) the ability to read the and in between the lines. what a clear story!

10) my sister.... if i could be born tomorrow, i would pick her as my mother.

11) mary... her new shoes look good....

12) the recipe. i'm looking forward to it.

13) an idea shared with a true friend. i wonder if it could be a reality!

bonus.... continuing to live by the book of angie.... it's been hella fun!

Crown Royal on Ice.....

Angie, Jill, ME(CHEEZING!), and THE Diva E

I was just thinking about......

Yes.... Sorry. New picture. Will post the one we took with her soon.... Yes...

What You Know 'Bout Me! One Down One To Go!

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE WORLD CHAMPION RED SOX

Manny and David

Thankfully Taking a Page out of the Book of Angie...

01) The opportunity to stand DIRECTLY in front of Jill Scott during the invitation only concert in Houston last night.
02) Getting there early enough to hear the sound check, and watching Jill walk directly past me. As she walked through us, she said "hello."
03) Getting extra tickets and drinking the hell out of the Carmel Appletini's.
04) Getting a copy of the show's playlist.
05) Our third year seeing Jillio together.... Our FIRST TRUE DATE WAS A JILL SCOTT CONCERT.
06) Okay.... it get's better...Getting a VIP PASS to hang out with JILL AND HER BAND.
07) Only better... A PHOTO WITH JILL to be published in Envy Magazine.
08) BETTER THAN EVER... Reminded her that I saw her in Dallas before the National Poetry Slam. She asked how'd we do, and then get this, she said, "that's right I told you to get them with your words and not performance." she did remember. SHE PROBABLY SAYS THAT TO ALL THE POETS BUT SHE SAID IT TO ME LAST NIGHT.
09) Hanging with angie, and listening to her crack up dang near the entire lobby before the show.
10) Making it there and back safely!
11) A new poem, and a new one memorized.
13) G.O.D. because without it, well, to live without it is truly tragic.

BONUS: For G.O.D., ELM and Angie making sure I got to realize YET ANOTHER dream....

COLOR CHANGE

IN HONOR OF THE RED SOX and THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS! Colors will change after WE WIN THE WORLD SERIES AND THE SUPERBOWL!!!!!!!

Just SOME Thoughts

Okay so, last night I was doing some research for a poem. I needed to look up the passage in Revelations regarding Jesus's re-appearance. For those unfamiliar with the Bible, remember the motion picture Malcolm X? If you do, think of the scene while in he was in prison and was referred to as Satan.

Any who... I won't go into the discussion regarding his color, however, if we were to consider his birth land. And we know Africa is the birth of all civilization? So... if nothing else, we know he's not AMERICAN.

Most argue that the text used to justify that he is in fact black fails to consider that after woolly there is a reference to his hair being as white as snow. And when discussing his feet as bronze, most fail to include that there is a reference to "burning" which some argue that they could have been burned "white" as in most metals and coal tend to do. So my question is why couldn't he had been an brother who's hair turned gray? And maybe he was a little ashy? Okay the ashy part may or may not be funny depending on how you live your life.

I mean think about what your mom or grandmother would tell you about her gray hair? That it either came from you or wisdom. And if Jesus lived and died for all of our sins, well.... wouldn't his hair be a little gray? I mean, if I think about the worry that I possibly cause him. What would the weight of the world do?

I'm just saying. Now mind you this is not anything to say Jesus is black, white, green, or blue. I mean, believe in what you believe in as long as it gives you: peace, hope, and a reason to live accordingly. You know?

But I thought it was worth a chuckle.

Additionally I began to think about why people turn to G.O.D. when they become older, and it has nothing to do with preparing to die or trying to make peace with G.O.D. I think it's just we get tired of listening to and following our own or others bad advice, and we simply look for answers outside ourselves. That quest becomes spiritual, and in some people it leads them back or to Church. I was reared in the Church. Matter of fact, we were in Church so much we PLAYED CHURCH. How do you play church? You mimic church members, the choir and the Pastor. You already know who I was, 'cuz I am who I am.. either the Pastor or the woman who got happy. HAHAHAHAHA...

Yea okay. Too much information....

salama....

HATE ON US HATERS.. NOW OR LATER!

You know, the media's crying because Brady and the Pats ran up the score. My response to that.. Learn how to PLAY THE GAME!

And to keep it strictly MASSACHUSETTS... The SOX ARE IN THE SERIES.... THE YANKEES SUCK ROCKS!

No, I am not from New England, but I do so want to retire there... I've loved that part of the world all my life.... And to all the JUMP ON THE WAGON COLT and COLORADO ROCKIES fans... BRING IT ON!

The Bastardization of Poetry

I wish...
we could go back to the words,
"in the beginning".
before claps, snaps, ohh's, awes and applause.
when the mic
was simply
a release,
a vessel,
an alter,
in which to sacrifice our sorrows.
when poetry was a testament to life,
a gift from the g.o.d.s
and the answers were sought NOT in how you moved the crowd,
but how you humbly allowed the crowd to move you.
emotions tumbled from your lips
clinging desperately onto the ears of the person who needed it the most.
i want to go back before rewinds, stop watches, and time penalties.
before the construction of ego's tore down what our soul feasted upon.

Just Plain Grateful.

01) Thank G.O.D. for the gift of clarity. I can see so much right now, and am definitely feeling the view.
02) For the realization that I have grown past a lot of past hurt, pain and resentments. I can't choke or burn and I am REALLY OKAY with it.
03) Haiku's. Even if I'm the only one who gets them. They made me laugh.
04) Which wich and catching up. Thanks for always being beautifully you. And you do it so well. I can call you sister forever. And the sleeve is ABSOfckingLUTELY HOT!
05) For refocusing and redirecting. And you know what? I am SO STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU!
06) Fingers in locks, fingers interlocked.
07) Beautiful brown eyes that smile when you talk.
08) No matter what the hell goes on around me, I got my eyes on the prize. ME, YOU and OUR FUTURE.
09) For my middle finding the love she truly deserves.
10) For my "niece" finding the strength we all knew she had.
11) For the surprise invitation. Thanks for helping us keep a tradition.
12) Beautiful music created upon the winds of change. May I continue to be an instrument.
13) g.o.d.

favorite time of the year!!!!!

a leaf fell on my head today!

thanks through musical expression!

01) Songs in the Key of Life (Stevie Wonder 1976)

02) Off The Wall (Michael Jackson 1979)

03) 1999 (Prince 1983)

04) Cookie: The Anthropological Mixtape (Me'shell Ndegeocello 2002)

05) Street Songs (Rick James 1981)

06) Maxwell's Urban Hang Suite (Maxwell 1996)

07) Soul Catcher (Olu 1999)

08) Wild Seed Wild Flower (Dionne Farris 1994)

09) Love Jones Soundtrack (Various Artists 1997)

10) AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted (Ice Cube 1990)

11) The Chronic (Dr. Dre 1992)

12) Who Is Jill Scott: Words and Sounds Volume 1 (Jill Scott 2000)

13) Baduism (Erykah Badu 1997)

Extra Special Bonus (Red Star Sounds Vol. 1 Various Artist 2001 and The Song Lives On Joe Sample and Lalah Hathaway 1999)

If you know the cd's then you know why.....

reports

Kim Rose's John....
I prayed for a week.
simply dropped to my knees,
in utter defeat,
unable to speak.
unable to rescue
my fleeting sanity
fading into
a sea of voices
I did not recognize
as my own.
or if they were,
I simply could not
muster the strength to control
them.
reality’s been grappling
my weakened conscious.
and night mare’s have
seized my waking hours.
a month ago
the moon handcuffed the sun,
imprisoned the moon
and barred the stars.
I’m lost in eternal darkness.
wandering
in grayed confusion,
cloaked in my subconscious oblivion.
last night the weight of the clouds,
cracked the earth’s surface,
and my world,
came tumbling down upon me
one after one painful mistake
at a time.
gathering what I could,
slicing hands,
palming pasts,
i thrust bloodied
jagged memories into
my pocket
hoping to g.o.d
that on the day we meet
he would provided the
good ones,
the missing ones...
which never allowed me to feel complete.
once searching for desperate comfort
I grasp the tail of a comet
flying over head.
but
the cold burn didn’t allow me
to hold on.
unable to withstand
the heat,
the rush,
or the pressure.
I simply let go.
however,
I can never forget the taste of
heaven’s due,
the breeze of fluttering angel’s wings,
and the warmth of happiness's glow
which rushed through me like
sand from a cracked hour glass.
we're unable to capture this moment
or this lifetime.
so I continue to search,
with my head hung low,
hunched back,
insecure gape,
mumbling undecipherable mantras
my eyes pushed upward,
rolled in my head,
seeing my thoughts
before they're spoken.
insanity is stalking my reason
and like a jealous lover,
it’s peeking ‘round corners,
hiding in the shadows.
making accusations,
arousing suspicion
frequently calling,
panting heavily into phone lines
I don’t have.
and i can't stop the mysterious
ringing hysterically in my ears,
even after I answer.
I feel its death's breaths
slipping through my fingers.
So I force my hands deep
into my jean pockets
hoping to suffocate them.
my booking papers in the right,
my hands
frantically clinging
to the lint and thread in the left.
you see,
that’s all that’s holding me together.
my jeans are holier than any biblical texts
as they recite the beatitudes with each step...
blessed are the poor in spirit
they scream..
I can feel the cool of
your judgment chill my bones.
and for a moment,
I silence the voices
sliding down my cheeks,
as I fall to my knees,
hear the snap of the break.
I prayed for a week
until they found me.
man made halo,
six feet in length
quarter inch knot.
my mind the alter
my body the sacrifice
g.o.d i offer myself to thee
and the voices cried upon the wind
"I will rescue him; I will protect him."


kdtaylor, 2007
section 8 coffee publications
all rights reserved

My coworker and best buddy (we now share an office space)had an assignment to read the death reports of persons who committed suicide this past quarter. The deceased were recent releases from state funded mental health programs. one evening after work, she cried as she read me an autopsy report. she then looked over and asked me to write a poem. this was a difficult one as it hit a little too close to home. currently it's just in the just finished phase, no re-write, no clean up. like me in this moment, the piece is raw....

Kindred Women

Beloved, you are my sister, you are my daughter, you are my face; you are me. Toni Morrison

As a woman, particularly a woman of color, I have, like so many others had difficulty developing friendships with women. I don't mean casual relationships, but true life-long relationships based upon mutual honesty, respect and trust.

We've all had negative experiences since childhood ranging from African American/black culture taboos relating to the texture of our hair, color complexities, standards of beauty, popularity and intelligence. Often, we were "pitted" against one another because there seemed to never be enough. And as we grew older experiences with lovers and job opportunities would further deepen our infectious wombs. However, we seldom if ever made a conscious effort to look inward toward our problems.

I had a sister friend a few years ago who often exclaimed "I don't do women." All the while professing that I was one of her closet friends. As the years progressed, I realized that Kenya did not only, not do women; she did not DO HERSELF. It is not my desire to complete a moral inventory upon her; however, the sister had major father, esteem, and social issues, SQUARED! She preferred to date African or Caribbean men. Who, she believed, represented the "epitome" of a man. "They have not been emasculated and molded into a submissively weak sky-blue (mixture of blue and white) collar wearing thuggish wannabe by the American culture, media, socialization, and politics," she would say over and over again. An idea I could agree with in some ways. Kenya also believed every woman who wore their hair in the natural state was an embarrassment. Mind you, I discussed in great detail my decision to transition from chemicals to natural hair styles with her almost daily. She believed every bi or lesbian female wanted to be with her and every heterosexual female in the office wanted to be her or hated on her. That most of the men in the office were her friends, because they simply "understood" her and knew that she was woman of substance. Not like those 'hoes in the office that wanted to gossip about her because they were all so close. Needless to say her exclamation, "I don't do women" became my reality. There were no other issues: 1) I didn't want her. 2) Didn't want to be her. 3) Wasn't jealous of her. 4) Didn't want to be her man. 5) Was supportive and encouraging in all of her dreams and desires. and 6) Didn't disclose her "business" . In other words, I was a friend. Even when she wasn't a friend to me. In the end, she would no longer "do me" behind of all things, a vaccuum cleaner. However, I was mature enough to recognize, that I was a sister friend who brought little if any conflict or drama. That proved to be too much.

Kenya is one of many cautionary tales. We've all been there. The most recent occurred in my office with a woman (un)affectionately known as (ICE) Princess. The Ice Princess shared many of Kenya's characteristics. Like Kenya, I had no desire to be friend with her, I was simply corgial. And my politeness rolled into frequent conversation and, once again, I wandered aimlessly into the well known land of "I Don't Do Women" acquaintanceship. In this case, I decided to keep it pretty simple, and it would never, in any way go beyond the office and business trips. Which worked until I got a promotion. The one she didn't want.

My developmental years were spent with my Great Grand. When you are reared by old people you learn a lot, fast. One of which is who you are. Not may people can say they had a relationship, let alone spent the first eleven years of their life with a Great Grand parent. Secondly, when you are able to hear first hand the TRUE STRUGGLE of our people. My Great Grand and her siblings were people who were able to corroborate my history and government class readings, even the two weeks of "black history" I received every February. The only time you learned about your history if you were reared in the "Southern Slave" states. They were all slave States. I also learned about the brutality and it's impact upon the black family which is the root of our economic and social issues. I digress. I learned quickly not to carry unnecessarty shame, because you know what real shame is. You learn to be comfortable with who you are REGARDLESS of sexual orientation, socio-economic status, level of education, and believe it or not looks. It's what you receive during those developmental years that makes or breaks you as a woman.

I've had friends throughout my life who were taught that make up, hair, clothes and shoes made them beautiful. These are the same women who would not be caught without some horse's tail hanging from their heads, along with half the MAC counter all the while not purchasing their children clothes and other essentials. Or they are planting that same poisonous seed in their child's mind. Let me tell you this, my ass is ALWAYS FLY in my gay white man t-shirts or button downs, blue jeans and matching sandals or flip flops. Let me re-iterate, my ass is always fly. I'm not trying to compete with another sister. My standard of beauty is what have I looked like when I felt the most beautiful? I've peeped Nikki's pics, she's a beautiful woman. Eb is cute as she can be with her little Chocolate Stassney Barbie Butt. Angel is rocking the hell out of her 'fro and cute ass outfits. Shelle is beautiful with her curly locks. Joey got the Kotalian thing on lock. My girl does her thing with each and every one of her color choices in hair and clothes. Tee Tee with her beautiful locks and colorful tattoo sleeve. And I could go on and on..

I say all of this because I had a card/domino party at the house on Saturday night. There were women from all walks of like. A New York Puerto Rican who works like a Jamaican. A Caucasian sister who loves nothing but chocolate. A beautiful bi-racial sister who embraces both her cultures. A sister who prolly lives more of a white experience than any white woman I know. There were natural little 'fros, locks, weaves, braids, perms, dyed blondes with black roots. And we had FUN!!! We talked, ate, talked shit, laughed and most of all learned. And it was a wonderful experience.

Thank G.O.D. I am learning to not only do women, but be a woman, contiue to appreciate the beauty of our differences and trust women. Because I am a beautiful, trustworthy woman who can embrace the spectrum of our difference and never for one second QUESTION WHO I AM.

until we meet again. salama...

Gratitude For What The Years have Taught Me

01) Grateful that i don't have to go next door or down the street to borrow a cup of sugar or a stick of butter from Miss So and So.

02) Grateful that i don't have to clutch a "gently borrowed aka stolen from my aunt" brown food stamp (the equivalent of a dollar bill) to buy ten pieces of penny candy to get coin change for the candy lady. (Don't act like I was the only one! Besides her candy was cheaper. And if you're talking about the food stamp, you know you had them either way, cuz your grandmother or momma always wanted to help out Miss Such and Such!)

03) Grateful that i don't have to hear the crunch of thick plastic or feel the sticky sweat dripping down the back of my legs when i stand up after sitting on my sofa. (Don't act like I was the only one!)

04) Grateful that i don't have to go outside and "hose down" the chiller system to cool my house. a chiller system/water cooler was a form of air conditioning, you had to run water over the coils when they dried.

05) Grateful that i don't have to go down the street to the candy lady for a strawberry ice cup, 'cuz i didn't have enough money for the snow cone truck.

06) Grateful that when i did have enough money for the snow cone truck, i don't have to get a cherry twin popsicle and share with my cousin 'cuz he didn't have any money.

07) Grateful that i don't have to get used Levi Garrett snuff placed on wasp stings, "dog mange" in my hair or some other homemade concoction placed anywhere near my body when I don't feel well. (Don't act like it was just me!)

08) Grateful that i don't have to go inside when the street lights come on.

09) Grateful that i don't have to sit still like a little lady when i dress up.

10) Grateful that i don't have to sit on the hard floor for what seemed like forever getting my hair braided or pressed every saturday night.

11) Grateful that i don't have to close the refrigerator door 'cuz "the content ain't gone talk no time soon and they're not gonna change no matter how long you stare at it!".

12) Grateful that if i want a hamburger, it don't have to have a home made one on toasted wonder bread with the crust torn off! (Don't act like i was the only one!)

13) Grateful I don't have to come in the other room to change the channel, get a glass of water, or bring me_____, a million times when my favorite show was on tv!

BONUS: Grateful that i don't have to hear, "you need to go in there and study, you don't have the hands or the body to do any hard work, and you to damn scary to be a criminal."

EXTRA BONUS: Grateful that i don't have to eat government grilled cheese sandwiches or that oily ass peanut butter on crackers for snacks while sitting on the floor at my cousin's watching project terror. (don't act like that grilled cheese wasn't good!)

SPECIAL EXTRA BONUS: Grateful that in Elementary School when the Wiseman twins and their friends wanted to beat up Ronnie and Leslie Johnson on the way home after school, I saw the first can come flying down the hill and heard the bottle break in the middle of the street. It was the beginning of an illustrious career through high school as a sprinter. I became one of the fastest runners in our neighborhood and at the time of graduation I was ranked 6th in class 5A (big schools) hurdles and a member of 400 and 800 meter relays both top 10 in the Great State of Texas BABY! No I went to college for volleyball and academics (that not working hard thing stuck!)

I loved my childhood. No matter how difficult or painful it may have been at times. I lost so many family members because I grew up with my great grand and her siblings from age five to eleven. I was always around old people and oh my gosh the wealth of knowledge and pride you obtain from that experience. After my great grand died, I couldn't wait to be an adult because my childhood just wasn't the same.. I am eternally grateful for these bitter sweet lessons of gratitude. I'm happy that I don't have to do these things anymore. I was a good student and I paid attention to my village's lessons. But man these are some DAMN good memories. They taught me so much about life. I guess what I am most thankful for today is: my great grand, grand, and aunts who taught me to want and to do better! And my mother's memory, Mom, just can't bear to let you or the name you so thoughtfully gave me down. Today I pray that anyone who reads this or shares it with another human being embraces their past, and makes a commitment to just do and be better.

'til we meet again. salama.