Signs.. of things to come.

The Way I See It #150

All unhappiness and stagnation results from a feeling that you are at the mercy of the world and the people in it. But what a joy it is, what a major shift to strength and power, when you no longer wait around for others to favor and love you, for others to flatter and reward you. Reward and flatter yourself, favor and love yourself.
-- Kira Salak

i love starbuck's. what you can get from a cup. this was on a cup a few months ago when i was on the road. i lost it, but today, i did my starwork (get it starwork = homework?) and found it.

yesterday was pretty cool, wired, but cool.

i left work later than i wanted. so i missed the sneak preview of Idelwild. well, i prolly could have made it if i hadn't gone home... but, i hadn't really talked to e about it and while i talk shit, and entertained the idea of going along with the group - i really didn't want to be a third wheel to butterfly and spring. ;0)

i did; however, exercise. i did weights (upper body) and 2.5 miles (that number again) of jogging straights, walking curves at the junior high near my house. the high school was out of the question. everyone looked as if they were in shape, and i couldn't fake it long enough to hang with them without passing the heck out. i did, find two pretty cool bracelets while jogging there. i think they are a sign.

still on this week's mantra. you know it's pretty damn empowering. yesterday as i walked and cleared my head, i was thinking of my new response to criticism... ready? here it is:

hahahahahaha. nothing's there. know why? ebonically speaking, " i ain't suffering."

last night after watching "when the levees broke" finale, i was humbled and reminded of an attitude of gratitude. as i fought back tears, watched and listened, i remembered listening to my grandfather's and great uncle's ordeal. i can still hear the quake in his voice. and this was a man who didn't back down for ANYTHING. we lost contact with them for one week. they sent their families away that saturday, my uncle wanted to stay so my grandfather stayed behind with him. they started off at the court house where my uncle worked, then went to the superdome (decided it wasn't the best place), returned to the court house, later airlifted to I10 to wait for transportation, later airlifted to the airport, tried to catch a plane to san antonio, but after finding out that it may not go to san antonio, they caught a ride to the train station, took the train and hitch hiked (got a ride from strangers) to northern la, then a bus to houston texas, where my aunt went and picked him up. i felt sorry for my aunt, the fear that she may lose her father, a year after she lost her mother (my grand). yet my grandfather and uncle were extremely fortunate, they knew people, so they, while very limited, had knowledge that others did not have. they also had good insurance, jobs, retirement (twice over military and local government) so they had new homes in a matter of months, never having to rely on the us government. some of their friends are not that lucky. they are still trying to rebuild their lives. the rental properties where i learned about my future, "effing" work ethics, and hard work are gone. the superdome where i learned more about "effing" hard work will never house the same memories. the streets i played and walked, the street light where i kissed for the first time and swore i was in love with (abraham sturgis) for the SECOND TIME is gone. the steps along the lake, where i got into even more trouble with abraham sturgis. GONE. the store where i got my first "fake id". GONE. another store where we continuously harassed the woman with our Texas twang by asking for soda, and products that could only be found in Texas. GONE. my favorite hot sausage with cheese or oyster po'boy shop. GONE. the snowball stand. GONE. and these are only my summer memories. i cannot begin to feel the sense of loss that they continue to feel. the documentary reminded me of the culture. how my cousin kerry begged to come to texas with us for a school year, and how two weeks after her arrival, she cried everyday until we put her on a plane. back to NOLA. she didn't recognize our food, understand our language or the culture. we still joke occasionally about the time we had enchiladas, and she cried and refused to eat a spoonful. she's since left the state, but returned, and had recently bought a new home, less than a year before the storm hit. she says she doesn't know how she managed to break the cycle. her mom who is currently serving in Iraq, came home for a few weeks when they allowed the troops to return. her mother salvaged as much as she could, and vowed to return to NOLA. her brother returned as soon as they allowed people to return. he says he will live and die there. my grandfather and uncle are making plans to return as well.
the show was true on so many fronts. it hit all people. HARD. it captured the true spirit of the city. and i pray that it returns to it's glory, when they threw hurricane parties and felt invincible. talking about the last great storm that almost hit 'em, and how they made it. i pray that this generation will be able to say, yes, NOLA, you made it again.