ni'cahs and pies.. always

I am not a pie fan. Never have been. Well, I used to like key Lime pie from Marie Callendar's. However, it's seasonal, and somewhere along the line, they changed the recipe, or cut back on the ingredients.. so now, well. I wait until I can get what I want. And I am pretty picky, so... If given an opportunity to chose from the slices to the left, I'd pass on them all... I don't want pie, for pie's sake... Besides, some only else may want it.. Now, me. I like Peach Cobbler. To be specific, my grand's peach cobbler. So, I will pass up a lot of peach cobbler as well. It has to have the right ingredients. Now, I've learned how to cook my own peach cobbler. Kind of like my grand's. I used to watch her, now she wouldn't tell me all her secrets, so I had to guess, and eventually, while I do not profess to be an excellent cook. I can make a hella good cobbler. I know, though, it's not for everyone. I liken opportunities to pies, and cobblers. My grand, sometimes, would use store bought crust. Then, she would do what my aunt called, "putting her foot in it." At the time, I don't know why see opted to use store bought crust instead of making her own. It was never really a time factor, because my grand was a prideful woman. She took as much care and time with the store bought as her own... she valued the results. Just sometimes, as she put it, "it needed to be used." or she "was making theirs a little better." And on those rare occasions she used the store bought kind, she always said she while it wasn't her own crust, she "put in a little extra in there."
Lately, I've been doing some work on a project at work. It was in limbo for nearly five months after a co-worker left the position vacant, thus leaving the duties unassigned. I watched like I watched my grand make cobbler. It seemed as if the crust would sit in the freezer and perish.. I mean, it does have an expiration date. People kept looking in the freezer, moving the crust around, letting it sit on the counter to get spoiled or possibly go bad, putting other mess on top of it, causing it to crumble and crack a bit.. I mean it was frozen... One moring, as the ole folk put it, "my mouth made water and my pressure got up for some cobbler". So I took the crust out of the freezer. Peeles a couple of peaches to add tot he canned ones, bought some butter, cinnamon, sugar, nutmeg (yes, nutmeg, you make your own.. damnit), etc. Heated up the stove and went to talk to my boss about the pie, I mean cobbler, no I really mean opportunity.... and the ingredients (ideas/my mind) I had to add. He not only gave it to me freely, but informed me if I could make the neccesary changes, and implement the qm process effectively, we would talk about being compensated for future use of pie crusts.... So the travel began.... Ni'cahs and pies always around.....
Now the crust sat in the freezer for at least five months. No one had a taste for pie, at least not one made with that crust.... So why the attitudes? I mean especially from the sisters who used to be so cool with me... Hell, I've been gone too much to participate in office gossip...Why, is it that sister's have difficulty with another sister trying to "come up"? Why must we fight, gossip, roll eyes, sabotage. Become competitive? For no other reason, than we can. Now, I have problems with women I must admit. 1) I was reared by a gang of them, and I still have a resentment. 2) My mother died when I was very young, and I still have a resentment. 3) Most women just aren't comfortable in their own skin. For example, unless you are aware of your own strength, you will always feel weak. If you are not aware of your beauty, you cannot truly appreciate another woman's beauty. If you are not in touch with your sensuality and sexuality, you will fell threatened and/or victimized. You get the jest? And I am not singling women, just making my point. The sisters who work in my department are tripping. I get a little attention for some work, and now all hell is breaking loose... Around me.... 'cuz, I can't be bothered. I have a male business mentor.. B-Fran. And I am totally detached, but need a healthy way to express my dismay... So I blog... Now mind you both are on their way out the door. Neither can be bothered with the tasks, the people, the extra work, the travel.... They didn't want the cobbler, they wanted pie..... Baby don't get my cobbler confused with your piece of the American pie..... (Wo)Man this is so fcking frustrating. I value being a woman. I love being a woman. I am aware of the power I poses. I am thinking about my coochie, right fricking now. (thanks elm, mo, and now christa, along with my many poet gurls who hold it down with little if any drama). It hurts that women of color on the work place cannot get along and serve as mentors and sources of support. Mo, who will always be dear, taught me about the crouching tiger/hidden dragon thang (one of our shared favorite movies).. and boy did my life change.... not just my life, but my outlook. an ex used to correct me often when I would refer to women as ladies.... I was told there was a vast difference. But I want to view these women as ladies... I don't want to be some crazed female fighting as if we resided in the bush, we don't have to act uncivilized, we can all get what we want. It's a matter of focus, and the ability to put goals in perspective, have vision..... I will not lose hope, but I be damn if I've given up my bit of cobbler.... if i keep my head to the grind, I could possibly add some ice cream to the top, and really have a treat....

I have to thank my grand... she taught me a lesson, see, I didn't make the crust, I just saw it needed to be used. And I put my foot in it.. And no I'm not taking credit for all the work, I'm letting people know I had to put a little something in it... And while I am expanding on another's work, it doesn't mean that I am not putting everything I know into the task, and creating ways to make it my own... And while my grand has transcended to a very special place where prayerfully she has found eternal peace and rest..... I cannot say I don't long for the smell of HER cobbler, and the buttery taste it left at the roof of my mouth.. But I can also thank her daily as I move thru life accepting opportunities that afford an opportunity to grow, thus making my own cobbler... Even using some one else's crust as a base.... But I will always have my ingredients (mind) and fruit (labor) to make it my own.... And yes, if you ask politely, I will give you a taste, maybe even teach you to make your own.......