today i found a letter

Today, I found a letter that was not addressed to me. Faded and tattered. In shambles. It was locked away in the corridors of denial. Crumbled, hidden in the crease of my forced smile. I knew not to open it. But I did. And I wished. In that moment I wished that I could love you brand new. That on the day we met, I was truly your first and last. And you, mine. That we'd never known another's touch, or kiss. That there was no one else to reminisce or remember. That every love adventure to explore and discover was simply our lifetimes with one another waiting to unfold. That I would never be reminded that your heart and soul once belonged to another. That your I love yous, smiles of adoration, gentle embraces had never been shared with another. Mine alone. Today, I was reminded that there was once another who filled your heart and occupied your time. That your lips once brushed across her cheeks. Your welcome homes were once housed with her. And that there had been many times you cried, for her, to her, with her, and because of her. And that sometimes, on special occassions, holidays, and in memories, those tears are revisited. And I cannot share that space with you. There are love letters housed in your soul that will never be addressed to me. Letters that once contained a desire to be the object of her affection. Forever. To live and die in her eyes and the shadow of her smile. And I know this. I know that I am not your first. I know that you.... Well, I know that the love you once had for her, allows you to love me, in this special way. But today, I wrestle with means of celebrating and expressing my love to you. I struggle with creating routines and traditions to celebrate our love. I wanted to write you a love letter. I wanted to write you a poem. But somehow, I feel that I have loss the voice to express it. That my fingers cannot connect with my mind and heart. I wanted to write you a love letter. But I just can't seem to find the words, something special, something you've never heard.