"Mrs. Jones, she loves to talk. And she just doesn't play well with others." Miss Walker, 4th grade teacher

"I don't want to play with them. Did she tell you that Coach WIlliams was her boyfriend? That he sits in her class while I'm in detention and the other kids are left alone at recess?" 9 year old thir13teen to Great-grandmother, Miss Walker and Principal at Parent-Teacher conference.....

I have come to believe over and over again, that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood. Audre Lourde

Speaking your mind fearlessly requires courage. Especially when you are willing to say things that others are thinking, believe is not socially or politically correct, but all to willing to say it when another is out of the room.... I have never had a problem with speaking my mind. I guess you can say I've been courageous since the 4th grade. Well, Miss Wlaker was probably the first to point that out. As a matter of fact I was encouraged to do so, almost as consistently as my creativity was stoked. I come from a family of talkers, tongue wagers as they would call them. I also inherited my father's sarcastic wit and mother's tenacity for double sword razor sharp words. I take no prisoners nor do I wish to be imprisoned when it comes to conversation, dialogues, monologues and diatribes. I don't back down, and I can go all night.... Needless to say, it earns me well deserved enemies. Enemies I don't mind having. See, I believe in flushing them out with their misguided use of the language. I don't have a mastery, only a keen ability to manipulate the language, slanguage so to speak. I also listen and can often tell you what you said, often angering and enraging.... And yes, _____________, I do watch the responses because it is all too amusing..... The punch line, "You're arguing with me, over SOMETHING YOU SAID. And your mad because I remembered? Angry because I reminded you? What did I say I was going to do." And even more amusing, is that I nor the punchline ever changes. Think about it. Marinate on it for a minute. You'll see my point.
I am like a light to a moth. I attract people who love what I have to say, but hate what I say. What I have to say is fine as long as my most direct communication is never directed at them. That's a difficult situation to be in, I believe I have to be dishonest in relationship to most who truly want to be in relationship with me. I don't prefer to be dishonest, unless there is really a big payoff. Uh oh... therein lies another problem, there is no payoff. So like my words, some will try to decipher some hidden clue in this blog, there will be discussions... "Is she talking about me? Who is she talking to? Oh, she's talking about last night, last week, last month, last year". No, I'm talking about every frickin' time. I'm soooooooooooooooooo tired. PERIOD. I am not a product of group think. I strive to be my own person with my own thoughts. I tell you who I am, what to expect, and I do me well. I'm consistently me. Opinionated. Dogmatic. Borderline arrogant. A bitch some will say, I bark but don't bite much.... And as much as I am cabable of enjoying others, I have no, I MEAN NO INTENTION of going with the norm or changing just to be in their company. I do not require anyone to change to be in mine. It's a problem, and one I can no longer ignore. It takes away from me. In other words if I have to continue to be the bad person then I have to refer and defer to my girl Ife's message:
"Hey, I'm going thru some shit, and I needed to make some changes in my life. If I don't get back to you, then you were on of 'em."
Or Jay Z.... "Now I'm stuck to the point I could hardly move, you fuckin' up my high don't bother me dude... jigga my nigga
And guess what? Mr. Glover the principal told me three things at the end of that conference:
1) You are very observant.
2) I don't always like to play either.
3) You can return to class...........