Main Entry: nurse 2 : one that looks after, fosters, or advises

I have pondered undergoing a career change. My family members are employed in two areas: nursing and social work. Not surprising, given the genealogy. We either want to give you medicine to help you heal or discuss with you what we just did to f' you up in the first place. I majored in both English and Psychology while in Undergrad. I, too, wanted to follow in my grandmother, mother, aunt, cousin and sister's footsteps and become a nurse. (My great-grandmother was a mid-wife). But my Grand(mother) told me during my prepuberescence that I lacked bedside manner, and that I would fair well as the family's first attorney. Specifically, because I liked to debate (argue) with anyone and everyone. Regardless of age and familial status. If I felt I was right, I was relentless in my approach, some would say I was particularity ruthless for an eleven year old. For the last year, I have thought about entering a Nursing Program and pursue an additional degree, BSN (Psychiatric Nursing). I thought it would be a great combination. It would not encompass a lot of the blood and gore related to "traditional" nursing, and it would be helpful in my current career in the Mental Health setting.
Perhaps my Grand(mother) was correct, yet incorrect in the same breath. It is not the lack of bedside manner, just the overwhelming desire.... I am ahead of myself...
It is SCARY AS HELL to rely on someone else or to see yourself as helpless. Perhaps 90% of all complications during recovery are related to people desiring their INDEPENDENCE. Can I blame them? I have to think of the times I required surgery and how I prolonged the procedures as I wanted to "make sure" the time was right. Actually, I had to get used to the idea of being "helpless" and having to rely on another human being. All this taps into personal trust issues. YOU HAVE TO REALLY TRUST SOMEONE IN ORDER TO PLACE YOUR LIFE INTO THEIR HANDS. Am I trustworthy? I'd like to believe so, however, if posed with the idea of trusting another human being, I'd have to say "no, maybe, uhhhh!". You have to trust yourself before you can trust another. And I have an overwhelming desire to ensure the few who are near and dear to me that I am trustworthy. Funny, I play the same game with myself.
I had an opportunity to help someone particularity close to me the past few days. I learned a lot about myself. I can be a pain in the ass!! Always trying to help, always trying to make sure the patient was comfortable, always, always, always.. Was I reminder that "it was not medically indicated" for her to perform simple functions that let's you know you are alive, like making yourself something to eat and drink, going outside and sit on your porch. Were my urgings and constant reminders of the Dr.'s orders contributing to feeling of helplessness, which fueled the desire to "show" not only me, but herself her personal determination and will? They say you can't keep a good (wo)man down. And she was determined not to stay down. I admired that quality in her. As I have displayed it in the past. I am extremely grateful that she trusted me to "look" after her, 'cuz she surely showed that she could "take care of herself."
So perhaps it is not bedside manner that keeps from following the family's footsteps. It is my personal struggles with trust and letting go. While at times I truly admired her "will", I fought her every step of the way. Not recognizing the essence of the idea of nursing (look after, foster and advise). Not trusting that she knew what she was doing, and at times truly needed to do it for peace of mind. And that, my idea of helping was interference and not "to promote the development or progress," another definition of the verb nurse. Either way, both require "trust", trust that the person has an idea of what they are doing, and if there is a lesson, they must learn it for themselves.
The patient, well, she seems to be doing well. The nurse? Well, I am nursing a bruised ego....