whereubeen....y'dutakesolong?

I awoke, after a restful night's sleep to the smell of peony and vanilla. My arms wrapped tightly around a silhouette which only hours ago, was a grey blanket, folded and molded to resemble a body. A precaution, the previous three nights to stave off loneliness and longing, or what I refer to as my mother's curse and my father's legacy... I hate sleeping alone. I take two depthless breaths, in an attempt to take it all in. One sigh, two moans, ten quicken heartbeats, and a gentle nudge later, we position ourselves, forming the perfect spoon. Sun invades our privacy, skating along threads and seams along blades and peeking thru bottom where the blind and window sill meet. She is anxious and very busy this morning. Despite the presence of stratus clouds, she seems determined to have her way and disturb this moment. I liken her to a jealous lover, if I cannot have you, no one will. Her rays nudging me from slumber to ponder. Breathing now rhythmically paced, I place one leg around silhouette, softly kiss back of moled neck, and "whisper good morning, baby". I am greeted with that which rivals your sun... a smile and those eyes.... Sun, shamed by this simple act, retreats behind steady gray of stratus clouds.... I ask thru dampness of swallowed tears which well in the cradle of my soul......
whereubeen? y'dutakesolong? howlongcanustay?
FADE2BLACK
I am walking across Lamar to Starbucks. I am on the phone. I look to my left. I am transfixed by illumination which transcends light. Reaching toward it, I stop in my step. Turn to face on coming traffic. My arms stretched outward, hands open, to receive. Eyes wide. Dry tears creep into corners of lip. I see. I do not cry. I refuse to be moved. Horns wail, tires screech......
FADE2BLACK
Sun peers thru steady gray and sneers down at me. Her look says I am foolish. She chills, does not warm. She demands, "Where have YOU been? Why are YOU taking so long? I do not answer immediately. I remind her that I have acknowledge light. Even received light. Allowed it to warm my embittered soul. She reminds me that it is not her. That I cannot allow another to fill that void. Pleadingly, I explain, this is the light I want. This is the light I need. This is all I need in this place and time. It is only here that I can grow. She rolls behind steady gray. I know she is angry. I retreat childlike behind the fold of my worn jacket. I know it not is over. I know we will meet again....
FADE2BLACK
Sun tickles my arm. Seems playful. Beckoning me to get into HIP HOP and take a ride during my lunch hour. The Sun, HIP HOP and I are considering the idea. Phone rings. The sun allows cloud to float by. I know she is thinking, wondering, as she would have never allowed a simple cirrus to dull her shine. The phone gives birth to a melodious voice, which lyrically seeps light thru receiver. I am warmed. I smile. From my desk, with half lowered blind, thru plexiglas, I see sunlight run backward into the distance. The flowers in the little garden outside my window sway in her invidiousness. I know it is not over.... But, I do not attempt to reason. She knows my truths. I know her weakness. I lie, yet I offer no apology, simply say that I am sorry as an afterthought. And I continue to seek comfort and solace thru the words which seemingly embrace me thru the phone line. As she eavesdrops, the sun reminds me casually that she is here, thru the clouds, and in the dark of night. The sun asks.. willitalwaysbethesame? howlongwillthevoiceonthephoneremain?
FADE2BLACK
The sun stills flowers in little garden outside my window. I see vibrant blues, yellows, greens and shades of orange. I long for brown eyes with wide smile. Sun burns harder to expose shadows of beauty which skate across concrete barely visible thru plexiglas. An invitation. An outstretched hand. She asks, "howlongwilludenyme?" I close eyes to ponder, as I pick up the phone to dial and seek warmth thru melodious voice, whose high cheeks hide the secret in our laughter, a broad smile which once kept us both dry on stormy days, and eyes that reflect the person I want to be. And I plead............ can'tubeoneinthesame?
FADE2BLACK