airing dirty laundry

You want to air dirty laundry. There is no dirt here. I have nothing negative or hurtful to do or say.

I have always been a private person. If left up to me, I’d still be the socially awkward teenager who sat obscurely in the backdrop of the background. Seriously.

Not 13 the fcking poet that every one thinks they know. Not 13 the “host” of Neo-Soul. Not “Kim” your ex. Not the “Kim” that everyone thinks “they know”. ‘Cuz they don’t. They know only what I’ve allowed them to “create in their minds” and the “one” I allowed you to humiliate and manipulate time and time again.

No more. This is me.

In the last few weeks, I’ve allowed you to transform into the martyr needed to rally troops to your side. Victim is not your size or color, you don’t wear it well at all, it clashes against your brashness. (Always one of your better attributes.) Funny how wrong always needs something to convince “IT” that “IT” is right. Funnier, how people who were sooooooo happy for me, are now sooooooooo sad for you. I believe my happiness should never be at your expense. And nothing was done to hurt you, purposely.

Each “abandoned allegiance/defection” has given you the diluted vigor you need to “fuel your unjust truth and indignation. (Please note the quotation marks as anyone who discussed ME/US with YOU was NEVER MY FRIEND in the first place.) However, instead of allowing people to take advantage of you and your situation, I beg of you to look at the messenger(s). These people are no more interested in you and your “plight” than they were while we were together. They are only interested in making themselves feel and look better. Something, if you were in your “right” mind you could see.

There is no preconceived idea that there are "haters" or people that don't want me to be happy. I live by the idea that people are people and they do what they do. I don't have to participate in it or like it.. We are selfish and self seeking in nature. I am not trying to be the envy or darling, let alone a victim or victimizer in anyone’s eye, just trying to get on with my life; very privately!

Hurt people hurt people. I have never been into the business of hurting you; then and especially right now. I am not hurt. Saddened by your and other’s behavior. I will; however, continue to practice being the ME I was before I met any of YOU. The Kim who showed up to poetry consistently wearing a holey sweater, the sweaty palmed me who drove a banged up Jetta, the one people thought worked for Fed-Ex, and had a LIFE outside of watchful eyes; the Kim who kept those things most dear and sacred PRIVATE. And the people who really know and have a relationship with me know how I treat her is nothing new. It's how I treat them. I match the same love, respect and admiration. Example: When am I or have I ever been afraid to show Brian how I feel about him?

This is the last thing that can be reported to you. No more blogs and facebook updates for the DUPLICITOUS. I am sticking to the people who I know have always had my best interest at heart. I will protect myself and those I love. I don’t want another PUBLIC relationship. Let alone a PUBLIC break-up. Please get these people out of “(Y)OUR BUSINESS”, and I do mean yours ‘cuz they don’t know what the hell is going on in mine. Every argument, fight, make up, break up… Someone somewhere feels they have something to say or something at stake. In the end there will only be you and I….

Licking wounds, swallowing pride, wiping tears….

I believe you treat people with the same dignity, love and respect exiting the relationship as you did going into it. Oddly this is indicative of how we enter our relationship what bitter justice for it to end this way: MESSY! Sad and true. Yet.

I never wanted it to end this way. I had hoped we, or at least I could avoid the slanderous comments and oft put behaviors your ex experienced during the relationship's demise. However, given the current course, not only will I experience some of it, it will also involve people who aren't interested in the truth, only participating in the perpetuation of a lie. I, on the other hand will make sure the right people are involved… It will never be anyone I call friend, as friends know break-ups are as personal as relationships. My friends know to stay clear, as I, like YOU bear responsibility in this nonsense.

So you just keep rallying your "friends"…

And I will do what I do best. Taking the pot/cheap shots. Privately experiencing my array of emotions. Calling upon and rallying the village inside me. That’s all I really need, that is all I will ever need.

Take care and be well…

kdtaylor