Prayer: an earnest request or wish

I have learned that words are powerful.
Not by talking, but silence.
The absence of conversation.
The absence of conversation from someone meaningful.
Important.
Someone you love.
Someone you miss.

We still talk.
Just not through words.
But dreams and whispers.

And if this is my last let it be a prayer.

09.09.04

Had I known that late afternoon, that it would be our last, I would have said.
"Grand, I live my life in fear. Not of life, or my choices, but other's intentions. And I know this fear causes me to, well..... Grand, I pray that you are proud of me. I know I haven't always made the right choices, but I've made the best ones. And they were based on what I knew in that moment. What was my truth..... I know it has been hard. I know I don't always make it easier for you, but I'm really okay. I'm aloof and distant, because I know one day I won't have you, and I don't know how to live in the moment. I don't know how to accept that one day you won't be there, and it will only be me and Stink. I'm glad you like my hair and believe it is "becoming". I was worried that you'd think I was crazy. I'm glad I've become a woman that you can respect. One who has seriously taken notes, and applied them to my life... I love you. You are my hero. And believe that you have been my biggest fan. I know I remind you of her. In so many ways it makes me happy, but I know it hurts you. A bittersweet life. An even bitter reminded of your eldest. Each and every time you look at the almond shape of my eyes, the way I move across a room, and the way I can stare through someone and never really see them. I hold onto these things in spite and despite. And yes, I pray that I find peace in knowing that you did the best you could with what you had. And as an adult, I've learned that's all you can expect from anyone..............."

Today was the last day I heard your voice. The last time I spoke to you. I don't think I've ever thought about what that TRULY MEANS. I know I take goodbyes for granted. I never know if it will be my last. I mean, we aren't promised tomorrow are we?

I vow to make my conversations meaningful. To treat each and everyone as if I may never have a chance to speak to them again. I will watch my tongue and be mindful of my words. I mean, if it is truly to be my last, I'd love for it to be a prayer.... simply a wish to be well in our absence from one another as well as an earnest request that our paths may meet once again.

i love you marg.... miss you much.