The last few days have got me thinking.... I am in a very strange place, emotionally and mentally. There is a huge part of me that is fighting a mild level of depression. I can think of many things that as of late are contributing to my state of heart and mind. I am at a place in my life, either age or desire, I want a bit more. More from my job. More from my life. More from my home. More from my relationships. More from my thoughts. Just more. There seems to be a void of sorts, and I am becoming restless. Very restless.
The question haunts me... "Is this it? Is there more? And how can I get some?"
Don't get me wrong, my life's not bad. It's quenching, I'm not dying of thirst or anything. Just, as I begin to work through my self destructive patterns, I wonder.. After I get to the other side, will it be continuous bliss? Am sure it's not, but...
Oh well...
3 comments:
Sometimes questioning the soul is what the brain needs. And it's nothing wrong with that.
i remember when i FINALLY verbalized my commitment-phobia to my ex-boyfriend. while it was both awkward and terrifying, it was also relieving. for me, it wasnt so much about what i was missing, but what i "felt" like i was missing. fortunately he understood that...
i think continuous bliss is an urban legend... i mean if you think about it....who's happy ALL THE DAMN TIME??? the ones that say they are can't be trusted and should stay the hell away...
anyway, it's your need for more that makes you as successful as you are in the many different aspects of your life... your career is coming along nicely (even if you do have to sit in the same office with that wierd woman that doesn't like people to talk or have fun) and you make your own fun anyway, you are an amazingly talented writer with many waiting for your first book (me included so get on that a.s.a.p....please), you have integrity in the way you carry yourself, and your Elm loves you with everything she has in her as I'm sure you do the same... not to mention all the other countless things you touch that seem to just turn to gold...still life can be stagnateing at times. Believe me when I say we all go there... question where we are and why we're there in the first place... it's those kinds of questions that keep us growing at a steady pace and you lady are on your way to greatness faster than you think. i'm here if you ever need to talk but you already know that. love ya!
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