E. Zora Knight

My photo
a special order, straight queer and strong black.

2006-09-05

Running Everywhere

Everywhere 1.
Canklecrust needs to get another job. The door greeter act is on my last nerve. She needs to take her ass to Walmart with that mess. I don't want to see her. She's just being nosy and .. God, I know I am being judgmental and borderline evil here. Perhaps it's the weekend I had. Perhaps it just another September. Whatever it is, her incessant running to the back door like a lap dog whenever anyone comes thru it is maddening. Today, prolly worse than ever. You know. I came in late(r) than I wanted. So guilt and annoyance, which normally prompts a coffee run, this month is magnified to a deadly combination. I feel guilty because I'm late. Annoyance, you guessed it, her.. No, a combination of things. Maybe it's hurt. For close friends. And myself. Momentarily I was beside myself and wanted to ask Canklecrust if she needed a bone to fetch; or worse, some lotion, a toe file, cuticle remover and a pumice stone. That would stop her for days. I need to be quiet, my feet could use a little attention. But, I know it's mean but damn, she's white. I've never seen a white person that ashy in life.
Everywhere 2.
Swift (something I'm working on)
I know a man who can run
the future to a blurred stream
of our each and every yesterdays.
Reliving each moment.
Day by day.
One by one.
Every second in each and every breath
of our shared lifetime.
Yes, my Brother is just that swift......
Everywhere 3
I guess because I've experienced the loss of a loved one many times in my life, I believe I am one of the few, if not the ONLY PERSON in the world that knows there is a level of appropriateness. Please answer the following question.
1. When informing close friends of a close friend's unexpected demise do you?
a) call and leave the news on the answering machine.
b) send them a text message or e-mail.
c) tell them on the way out of a party when they are inebriated?
d) wait until the appropriate place and time when you can give them the news personally.
e) I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings/fill in a scenario
f) I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings/fill in a scenario
All of this happened. I kid you not. And I could go on.... I can recall two instances where it was best some one else informed me of a family member's death. Take for instance my favorite Aunt's death. Apparently my family called my apartment and told my room mate/close friend. They did not want me to know while I was at work. At the time I lived in Dallas. I worked a 2:30 pm - 11:30 pm shift and had a tendency to drive down to San Antonio after work. Which was the case in this instance, I was going home directly after work. My drunk room-mate/ EX CLOSE FRIEND called me at like 11:20 pm. I had to make the 4 hour drive alone in the middle of the night. ALONE. Struggling with my grief and loss. Can you say INSENSITIVE? My Grand's was also a little hard to swallow, because my sister and I always wanted to be the one to inform the other. Instead, my cousin, who neither of us had spoken to in years called to tell us. I remember studying the number on my caller ID trying to figure out who was calling me over and over an over again. Then hearing his voice....
Everywhere 4
Canklecrust has wobbled her ass over here AGAIN. She doesn't want anything. I'm staring at the side of several rolls of fabric, which should resemble a dress. Her mouth is moving, and I don't understand anything she's saying. Even though she's very loud and sounds like she has food in her mouth. She's talking to my cube-mate. Who, by the sighs, isn't feeling her right about now either. I mean she's not our Supervisor, and she's asking questions related to deadlines that aren't her's to meet. Damn. If that's what she needs for conversation, bless her. I feel sorry for her. I think I've said this before but she reminds me of a story I heard about a woman who taught her parrot terms of endearment (Honey, Baby, Sweetheart), just so that someone would say them to her. I need to pray.... Man, September's gonna be rough.
Everywhere 5
Mary wants to be a superwoman..
but very well,
I believe I know you very well,
wish that you knew me too,
very well
and I think I can deal with everything
going thru your head...
where were you when I needed you?
like right now?
(Variation of Stevie Wonder's Superwoman/Where Were You..)
mom... Missing you. A lot.
Everywhere 6
Cleaned a heckalot yesterday. I thought of you and Saturday morning cleanings. The clanging of pots and pans. Distinct smell of bleach, pine sol, spic and span, and well as bacon, eggs, biscuits, and grits. I listened thru Anthony Hamilton to feel the memories of the Isley Brothers, Marvin Gaye, and Betty Wright...
like mary....
When the winter came you were not around..
Through the bitter winds you could not be found
Where were you when I needed you, last winter?
You said then you'd be the life in autumn
Said you'd be the one to see the way
Where were you,
when I needed you?
Like, right now?
Right now, right now, right now?
(Variation of Stevie Wonder's Superwoman/Where were You.. and Never Dreamed You Leave ..)
Grand, I miss you...
Everywhere 7
Bills....
Everywhere 8
What does pink taste like? I think cotton candy. But cotton candy is also blue. Not pink lemonade either. ELM hates pink lemonade, because there are no such thing as pink lemons. I bet it would taste like raw chicken or pork, sometimes it's pink. I think? What do you think?

2 comments:

Ebony Stewart said...

Tears fill my eyelids, and I hold them back by not blinking...
I love you! Is what fills my thoughts to say to you...everyone...everywhere. I love you.
I dont fear death, just the losses that come with it. Thank you for your words...your spirit...your heart. And if I can not say anything to help your sorrow...then just know my shoulder is never to heavy to hold you up.
Always, and still.

Angel said...

why is even your randomness beautifully-versed???? you are a sick and brilliant individual k.i.m. i heart you back ma'am.

as we've discussed, what's appropriate for one, might not be appropriate for another. we take very seriously the way we were raised and no one ever wants to feel as if their people made a "mis-step" and didn't teach them the "rights and wrongs" of etiquette. i wanna tell you to be patient with all of us, but i do know the feeling that frustration added to bereavement can bring so i'll only ask that you hold your silence behind that precocious smile of yours... ;-)