I used to think that I'd go back to High School. It was a pretty good time in my life. I was an athlete, pretty popular, goofy, and SKINNY... Plus I didn't have to work, 'cuz i did my job well, be a student-athlete was all that was asked... If I failed anything or quit sports, well, I had to get a job... Damn, you can't play sports in Grad School... THUS.
Anyway, the last two days we've performed at a couple of the local High Schools during their lunch hour. One of which the enrollment is down by 700 students.. over half the 2005 graduating class did not graduate as they failed the required state/fed exams. Mind you they have 8 kids in the BAND!!!! and haven't won a game since 2003. The other has 2500 students, in a very enclosed campus... there were over 500 kid at one lunch hour!!! WTF? Langston and I repeatedly said aloud in UTTER DISBELIEF, "this is not conducive to education. there are way too many kids." There were 3 fight during the time we were there. In one instance the faculty staff person moved SOOOOOO SLOOOOWWWWLLLYYYY that the kids stopped fighting due to fatigue (it's still over 90 degrees here, and the humidity? fa git a bout it! you will be soaked in a matter of minutes.)
The make up of each campus was predominately hispanic/latino (consistent with Travis County), the socio-economics were obviously better at the 2500 + campus.... but the kids, man, they didn't look like kids.. they wore extremely club hopping short skirt and shorts, sagging jeans, baseball caps, grills, and house shoes (yes, house shoes, mofo 'ing slippers!). One girl had on some cut off pajamas and mismatched socks.. And i thought to myself, this is my future... These are the people who are suppose to support my ass in my old age... Like they are OUR FUTURE, and I'm not doing a damn thing, other than making assumptions.. All of which were not good. And then I felt sad... I made a chose long ago not to have children.. emotional baggage, fear of not being enough, good enough, smart enough.. educational and economic reasons, like who the hell is going to pay for them to eat until they get to college, and who's gonna pay for college? family stuff, like will I live long enough to rear them, will I be a single parent, will their father be worth a shyt? Biggest - Will they inherit my fears? And how will I handle them...
It was sad. I felt hurt, confused, sad, anxious..... How could I make a difference today? What could I do to plant a seed? Don't get me wrong, some were sweet, engaging, humorous, and others were themselves... It just reminded me... Man, English Teachers saved my life, not once, but twice. All they ever did was taught me about reading and writing. That I could read and talk my way, past what I saw in my daily life, good, bad or indifferent.. I could escape in words, and even find someone whom I had a lot in common with words/language, just stories, poems, letters, hell... My Great Grand told hecka stories, so I write what she can no longer say... Later, I wrote to escape.. I still do. I could escape from my angst (teen-age, adult, and human).. and prayerfully, my ongoing participation in this program will do the same for another child. Save their life.. I don't need to be there to see the results. Earlier I talked about assumptions hinting judgment/judging, but I wasn't judging the kids, just the circumstances, the situation and myself... my willlingness to talk the talk or walk the walk... today.. fck it I started walking.... Cuz someone walked for me....
ohh and survivor... i'm still pissed... we'll get to that later..
have a good weekend.......
5 comments:
I see this all the time even at college...although this school has a new dynamic that I am adjusting to. Its so dishearting. Even just walking thru target I feel like why the HEELLLL are there grown up clothes made in little girl sizes. Or 17, 18 yr old girls in skirts that LITERALLY are at the bottom of ass cheeks...going up stairs gives plain view. Part of my opinion is we have made sex so taboo yet splatter it across every kind of media they are exposed to. And I am tired of those creating the images or fallin to corp push to show those images doin all this charity work and shit. If you wanna do something....stop exploiting women who could have been your sister. Now, women need to stop agreeing to it I fully agree. AND there needs to be more than that portrayed as all they can do. At the same time there is a lot out there to tear at women's self esteem. We teach boys they have to fight to be men, or they are raised in areas with so much econimic depression that everything is a damn fight. We are very very lost ma...and I dont know who will find us.
on a side note, i hated high school in everyway. It was surely one of the most painful times of my life.
naw, I would never go back.
"start walking...cuz someone walked for me"...yep it is as simple as that.
if we can make a difference with just one....then we have done our job, and its all worth it...pay it forward.
high school was great for me! i dont necessarily know if i would go back though--'cause then, the other things ive done in the ten years since then, might not happen. attending my ten-year reunion last month made me feel better about my entire highschool experience though. i mean, it was what it was... :-/
high school for me....was alright for me. its a shame that i don't talk with anyone from those days on a regular basis.
now as for the kids....i think each generation says the same thing about the kids.....but these kids today are a different breed. they have no respect for their elders or teachers. most don't think past high school....and with the educational system in some cities so fucked up they aren't prepared for it. the system has our children in the mindset that being a rapper or athlete is the way....and that's all THEY see.
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