Yesterday sucked. Today's not starting any better. I don't have time to fart, let alone live, and the few days I have off, ABSOFCKINGLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENS. I mean it rains half the day EVERY DAY, and I have to do things around the house. Don't get me wrong, I love my house, and my new family. It's just lately, I DON'T GET TO SEE OR HAVE TIME TO ENJOY ANY OF IT... I swear, I don't know how "full-time" POETS do this shyt. I miss everything about what was once my LIFE and I feel it slipping away from me. Late yesterday afternoon, in a fit of anger and boredom, I steal a way for a few drinks... And either the bump on my head, fatigue, hurt, sadness, whatdaHELLever, I end up a little drunker than I wanted a little faster than I wanted. Lately, I haven't had many bad days..... Watching "Making of the Band III" Betty Wright said, some days you have to have the rain.... That's what's needed to water the seeds of tomorrow, of love, of life, of------ Anyway, my head still hurts and I feel pretty nauseous. My sister (the nurse) said I can GET A CONCUSSION WITHOUT PASSING OUT.... That sucks, now I'm scared. I gave her my symptoms over the phone, and she asks me did I pass out, in a tone, that says, "fool you were suppose to pass out." I told her, I fought if off.... I know sounds wierd, but... As I kneeled to the floor I did what every SCARED HEATHEN would do... I PRAYED. I mean I saw stars heard the ringing in my ears, and I begged God not to let me go out like that. I knew that I would either 1) be laughed at or 2) ignored.... So I sucked it up fighting off the dark circle that was about to engulf me, and the dull roar that seemingly was luring me to sleep. Only of course, after and during, screaming like a bitch Only to become and remain pretty damn angry.... I know I've been pretty pissed since then.. And nothing is really gonna change that, except time. Angry because the entire task could have been avoided... but that's another story. In addition, it makes me feel clumsy and awkward. Heaven knows I don't need to feel that among the other fcked up things I've been feeling lately...... So today is basically fckit day.... Things aren't going my way anyway......... so fckit...... I am happy to be alive though. He loves me and she loves me so I'm not too bad off. If that makes a difference.....