I am starting this positive..... just letting you know in advance... those weak at heart... and have a tendency to personalize.. There are maybe, at the most, one hundred words before I start my rant....

1) DANIELLE WON! To me, the most improved. And of course, the prettiest (in and out).

2) THE SPURS WON! I can breathe again for another day.

3) 1%! Not the great landslide folk predicted he would be voted off by. Yes, I knew he would go. Just poor song selection, but he was an artist and did him til the very end. Can't wait to see Elliott after the veneers, a better stylist, confidence, and a record deal..... PERIOD.

4) NEO - I came in second. He needed a miracle (we both laughed) and I needed some humility (we both laughed.)

5) Team : Me, B!, 'Chelle, Joe Beazie, and Trey Bear..

okay..... yes, i cried. yes, it hurt. me, her and him were there the first year this started. we wanted this moment since 2003... more than anything we always believed from those faithful days writing at his table taking turns in the "magic chair" (the back would magically disappear as you became more comfortable, if you are slow, it would fall the fck off if you leaned to far). since that day always believed when the day came, we'd be there, together. i cannot apologize for my sadness upon realizing that would not be the case. very conflicting to be happy for my/our accomplishment as a team/venue, but know that she would not be on the stage with me. we three... i, the nut that fell from their branches- good, bad or indifferent. please allow things to be about me and my feelings and not make it about you.

hell was paved with good intentions. but some people need to learn to mind their own business. including me. sometimes when things are broken, broken people feel as if fixing that problem, will some how, fix them. i learned it wouldn't, but sometimes i try. a painful lesson. hopefully you will take the course on what is and what is not your business. i'm learning even more that some things do not need my interference. hopefully you will do the same. if not by everyone, at least do it by me. from day one, i said it was none of my business, and i didn't have an opinion. i maintained that stance until may 17, 2006. i was warned the moment i took a hint of a stance people would use it and run with it. thanks, you won the race. congratulations. but remember life is a series of races, and you can't keep putting all of your energy in other people's races, eventually you're going to have to take a look at the one you've been avoiding. at some point some one will point out.... "you weren't given a lane, or a number in their's and point you in the right direction. and it may not be nice." this doesn't mean i love you any less, it means i have to love with distance and space.

lastly... may must be "kim let a friend down month".

may 17, 2006 - our words have always been our words. i apologize for breaking that, even if it was with good intentions... it's hot in hell.

may 6, 2006 - an argument never means i have to stop loving you. i apologize.

may 3, 2006 - i didn't now it then, but you were truly the best person to carry this load. i could have never endured the criticism (overt and covert), the hurt feelings or the acts of duplicity. i apologize.

may 3, 2006 - my arms aren't always long enough to give you a hug, but that doesn't mean i can't tap you on the shoulder and tell you it's gonna be okay. i apologize.

to the team.. i don't necessarily agree with the path we took to get here. (i say this and i didn't read a single e-mail regarding suggestions on how it would be done. nor did i give feedback when solicited.) so i'm not criticizing, just aware that there would be wounds as a result of every thing. there was no way to please everyone in this situation. in the end, i'd like to think we were still a crew. and that long term relationships will not be affected. matter of fact, i pray that there are not severed, but in some ways strengthened. as trey so eloquently pointed out in the e-mail.. at the end of the night, hopefully we'd still be a family of cool ass poets. i pray that we are. i pray that we are........