friENd of minE MY last word.

I was 5, she was 70. She was my best friend. She taught me much about life, because of her there a tender, overly sensitive, God-fearing woman that peeks helplessly behind the brown in my almond shaped eyes. She guides me each morning, coaxing me out of bed, telling me, I can face it all. Her memory says "leave the bad things under the covers. I'll take care of them with the wash. Live for the day, as if it's your last, doing what you need, and if you're lucky, you can do what you want."
My formative years were spent with my great-grand. My values, conflicting as they seem to the novice, unacquainted with ME EYE, are consistent with her generation. Daily, I awake struggling with being her first great-grand child, the one she taught to be gentle and sweet; versus, the woman I've grown to become due to circumstance and experience... Each day. Every day. I battle myself, and my expectations of others.
She taught me to NEVER step on another's back to get ahead or what I want, because one day I could fall off their back onto my ASS. Not not be willing to say anything about anyone in their absence, I wouldn't be willing to say in their presence. (Ask me, you'd be surprised with what I will say.) Don't slander anyone, no matter how vicious their words may become . (I sometimes struggle with that one, but I am willing to say it to your face.) Don't ever put your hands on another when you are angry. (I have pushed and been pushed, though). When approached with gossip, never use someone else to get you off the hook. (I often take the blame for other's bullshyt when I know I can say, at the most ten things, to point the angry person in the right direction. You know, the person who was really dogging your ass out). Never mind being alone in the world as long as you know you have God in your heart and family at home. Loyalty is important. If you are loyal, others will be loyal to you. Pray for every one, every night, regardless.
As a child, I foolishly believed everyone thought this way. Moving through adolescence into adulthood, I realized that people do not have the same approach to life. And while I wanted to desperately hold onto her values/belief system... 'cuz I know if there is a heaven and my great grand's not talking to someone, she' s looking down at my ass, wondering what am I doing, and had I forgot EVERYTHING she taught me?
Well, great-grand, if you're looking, or reading, here's the issue:
1) I don't want to be bothered with half the fools that want to be bothered with me.
2) I'm pretty much not concerned with anything, unless it directly impacts me or the ones I love.
3) Really could care less most days about anything outside of me or the ones I love...
4) That loyalty thing is a crock of ___________.
And while this isn't you, or your teachings, I had to learn to protect myself. At some point I have to fight back, and while this is VERY PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE on my part.... I have to get this off my chest... FCK U AND THE BITCH ASS TONGUE THAT HAS TO PLAY INCH HIGH PRIVATE EYE AND ASK ANYONE WHO THE FCK I'M TALKING ABOUT CUZ IT'S PROBABLY YOU! AND YES, I'M HURT, NOT MAD. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE, DON'T GET IT TWISTED..... Any way, great-grand.... Well, you know, some of the people you left me with would rather get drunk or high than visit a church house so I've learned to handle things with reactionary anger... and well, I'm trying not to react.... Well, hell (oops), you pretty much know what I was going to say... So mannerably I say, without malice in my heart or voice raised.... the people (family, so-called friends more so than enemies) have taught me that:
1) Fck loyalty.
2) People will lie to you in your face every chance they get.
3) People will call you on YOUR PHONE to lie, only to repeat THEIR LIE to someone else, passing it off as YOURS.
4) People are selfish and self-seeking, and will take anything and everything that can from you... EVEN YOUR LAST BREATH....
5) PEOPLE WILL LIE....
6) AND SOME STUPID MF, THAT SHOULDN'T BE COMMENTING, WILL PLACE SOME BULLSHYT COMMENT IN THE COMMENT SECTION AND PASS IT OFF ASS SINCERE...