Is that so.....

"Lately, your low self-esteem is just good common sense."
quoted from the motion picture Spanglish........

I am deliriously tired.... I am on my second week of travel. And while I am able to go home each Wednesday, just in time for Neo-Soul.... By the time I actually get that "much needed and highly anticipated restlessness" I never really catch up on my rest, it is time to begin to think about the next trip..... This job, while at times fulfilling, is not glamorous.
As I pulled into the drive way of the Renaissance, John, the valet, greets me, and upon opening the door of the rental car, "Hello, Ms. Taylor, should I check the menu at Eatzi's and order ahead for you, or shall you be dining there this evening? I bet you don't care much for this Durango, especially since you frequently drive the luxury sedans. A little to big for you, huh, and you hate the gas mileage. Is this your last stop?" He smiles pockets the keys, turns and says, "I know you're tired, so you're going going out again later tonight. Your job doesn't pay for the valet, so I'll keep the keys in my pocket until you return." Mind you, it's been, from my recollection, a few months since I did an audit in Dallas, and I know it's his job to know things, but whatdafck? He knew more then most people I know would know. Truth of the matter was I ABSOLUTELY HATED THE DURANGO, DIDN'T LIKE THE IDEA OF ANYONE, THE STATE OF TEXAS, TAXPAYERS, OR ME SPENDING 55.00 TO FILL IT UP AFTER GOING A MERE 200 MILES IF THAT... I WAS DOG TIRED, WAS NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO SLEEP, SO YES, I WAS LEAVING LATER TO GO TO EATZI'S TO PICK UP DINNER.
I wasn't feeling very good about myself, and I haven't for quite sometime. Recent events have given others an opportunity to express their opinions about me, the work I'm doing, or what I am doing personally. Feels pretty fcked up, and when you are tired, it's amplified. Tyler was a bust. Athens, cool, but I had to spend most of the day talking to an old acquaintance.. and while I didn't feel like talking to having lunch with her, I feared, I would get a bad evaluation, and Thursdays can be hell on me... The last thing I needed after being gone most of the week, dog tired, sleep deprived, was for my boss, or anyone for that matter to approach me with some bs... So I smiled, talked, and prayed patiently for the work to go smoothly. It did. So now, I'm patiently waiting, waiting for the opportunity to spread my wings and fly.... Hopefully next Tuesday, my fix, Floetry, will be what I need.... However, I leave two days later, on Thursday morning for Houston....