Everyboby Gets Dickmityzed... I mean Micmityzed

Last night was a hot night... Why am I a sad shade of blue....Rule Number One of Open Mic Hosting. No matter how hard you try, someone will always leave slighted, angry, disappointed or hurt. The truth of the matter is I am not a people person, so 95% of the time I could care less. Until it involves me. Personally.
What most don't know and believe is a joke. On average it takes me roughly $10.00 dollars to get started. That is, I spend at least $10.00 every Wednesday night before I ever set foot on the stage. It's spent different ways, however, there is one constant, two heinekens. It helps me relax, become comfortable with the crowd, my surroundings. Beer in hand, or beer just ordered and on my way to get, or beer on table waiting for me.... I walk the room in an attempt to greet every person in the stage and bar area. Afterward, I sit in a corner to regroup. To pull myself together. I do self talk. "You can do it. Take a deep breath. Baby steps. Got a new spill for the night, gotta keep them entertained. Do you remember everything you need to know. This isn't about you. This is a business, you are a part of the entertainment. You can do it." The bottom line is weekly I have to get a buzz because I can't deal with I DON'T WANT TO GO FIRST OR LAST, EVERYBODY WANTING TO GO NEXT, NOT WANTING TO GO AFTER THIS PERSON OR BEFORE THAT PERSON, IT AIN'T ENOUGH PEOPLE HERE, CAN YOU WAIT AND CALL ME LATER, PEOPLE ARE LEAVING AND THEIR NOT GOING TO SEE ME. DAMN.....
I cannot please everyone every week. Everybody can't go at the peak times every week. I have to rotate it. So I work on trying to please one. I wish I could say that it's me. But it's not. The man wants a show weekly, and I attempt to give him what he wants. As the host, I have the "power" , and I use the word loosely, to call whomever I want in any order I desire. For the most part I follow the list from the top to the bottom, with a few deviations here and there because people aren't used to signing the list. There are many styles to hosting and managing the list. Now, some hosts carry the list all night. Some hosts favor certain poets. Some hosts allow the "poets" to dictate the list, i.e. telling the HOST when THEY want to go up. Some hosts have been known to punish people who constantly ask to be put on stage by placing them further down the list. Some hosts will not allow a poet to read if they are not familiar or comfortable with the poet's material. Some hosts will tell you up front don't ask them about the list or when you will be called. I learned this from many hosts I talked to over the last year.
Me, I simply follow the list. I don't favor one poet more than another. To take it a step further, if I saw that you were favored in the past, I will make certain that I don't treat you any different than anyone else. The likelihood of you reading twice at our venue is slim to none. 1) Because they already paid for a feature, and they don't need two. PERIOD. Not their rule but MINE. And 2) There's really no way to be fair with allowing people to go twice, so I'd rather end the night and allow people to listen to music and dance. And 3) If you only get one shot, then it's up to me to bring you up like a fcking superstar and your responsibility to live up to it or down to it. I don't keep the list on me, so you can always check the BACK table. I leave the list on the back table to set a boundary. See, while fair is only in the dictionary, I work hard at it. It's not FAIR to ME or YOU, to allow YOU to come to ME and tell ME when YOU want to go up and ME doing it. There are a million people scrutinizing me. Constant eye contact doesn't work. Buying drinks doesn't work. Following me all night doesn't work. I am trying to give the MAN what he asks for. A GOOD SHOW. And every once in a while you may go later during the night. I AM NOT PUNISHING YOU. IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T LIKE YOU. MY JOB IS TO BUILD A HOT ASS SHOW. Sometimes I need strong poets later during the night to keep the crowd in their seats. Sometimes I need newer poets to go early. Sometimes I need certain people to go around the feature. Sometimes I just need to keep it hot. And I try, I try, to call upon those when I need them. It's my call.
What I'm saying is I don't want to be a DRUNK by the end of the YEAR because you are ADDICTED TO THE MIC AND RESPONSE YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE RECEIVING. My gurl Efa calls is mic masturbating.... doing it all for the wrong reasons. I do not want to continue to spend over twenty-five dollars every Wednesday just to cope with calling a few names and putting people on a stage. It's not about you. It's not about me. It's never about you or me. It comes down to dollars and common sense..... In other words it's business and never personal.
'Nuf said.....