Mirrors and Reflections in Three Pains.

I used to hate mirrors. Didn't want to see my reflection. The things you want most to change about yourself take a life of their own in one glance. My teeth are slightly crooked, and I am always reminded of how I would want to get braces. Funny thing. I had the brackets placed upon my teeth in elementary. I cried and acted such a fool at the dentist each and every time I had an appointment, the dentist outright refused to deal with me any further. Who cares, my philosophy, since I would now have to pay for them. "Crooked teeth build character." I have worn glasses all my life. Despised them thru junior high school. Then a funny thing happened, they somehow "became popular in High School". So what'd I do? Went back to wearing glasses, except of course the three years in undergrad, when I felt, well, they became a problem again. Today, they are my favorite accessory.
Funny thing about mirrors and your reflection. Or at least with me, 'cuz most would probably never admit it. They talk to you. If you stare long enough in a mirror, you begin to recognize things that you may have never been fully aware of and some things that are blind to you, but others are aware of. In treatment terms, it's referred to a Johari's Window.
I have that type of relationship with three women. Two are best friends. Polar opposites. The other. Young. Determined. Strong. Dogmatic. So much promise. They are the Blind, Hidden and Unknown shades of my four pane window. They will never be trees. As they are reflections of my pain, growth and struggle. The very nature of our relationships do not allow for placement. Or as simply put by one. I cannot just check one. I am excited by the possibility of friendship, yet they scare me, individually and collectively. Not in that childhood, scary movie type of way. But the recognition of things I have attempted to bury deep within my soul are ever present in their presence. I have seen and been thru their struggle. Enduring a relationship where the love has morphed into this best friend-sibling type of love. How can you break the hearts of those we love as we love ourselves, yet continue on our path toward self-fulfillment and self-enrichment? I remember that climb. It was on all fours and I still have the scabs. On my heart and knees. Finding out that I have never lived, only to find that living my life, may strip me of those things that sustain me. Having the courage to be selfishly motivated to find the self that can give healthily to others. I crashed at least ten times on that mountain. Still haven't gotten over it. But I still travel it. And yes, I painfully miss them. But I have to continue on my journey. Finding life thru love. Yes. Baby girl, you can be lovable. But you have to allow your self to feel the love that others have to offer. I still would rather walk away than to admit it hurts sometimes. But I am learning to at least think about being still and every once in a while, I am successfully stilled.
Your importance is not overwhelmed or overshadowed by the trees. The child in me will always find the thrill in fear.