For Free... Hope You Use It....

I'm tripping. Been given the assignment to write about my village. It's made me think of things I believed were gone. Long gone. Has tapped into some emotions and wounds I believed were healed. Has made me think of my current relationships with people and why some are so problematic. How everyone thinks they know me, but they really don't. I can honestly say two of the people who I communicate most, who would swear they knew me, know 25% of what I truly feel and think. Wouldn't believe for one moment that the 25% they receive is less than 100%. My public self fools a lot of people.
For instances:
1) I abhor people who crush, then skulk, feigning friendship. I think of you as dishonest and untrustworthy. It makes me totally uncomfortable and I would rather not have ANY CONTACT WITH YOU THAN TO BE IN YOUR PRESENCE. Yet I smile, and am corgial. And you believe... which takes us to number 2
2) I am not flirting with you or any one else. Anyone who met my Dad would love him. I emulate his behavior as he was my only parent. Also, I was reared in a household that demanded you show you have some couth. I am attentive, polite, engaging, complimentary, blah, blah, blah... That does not mean I am attracted to you in any way. Most days it means you have no boundaries and a poor level of esteem. which takes us to number 3
3) I hate people touching me. It makes me very uncomfortable. Yes. I hate the hugging. I don't want to hug everybody, actually, no disrespect no one outside my family and a few, very close friends. And ohh my GOSH don't kiss me on the cheek, I hate that mess even more! I have learned that if I initiate the hug, I can dictate the time and position. But yes, I really hate it, I'm sorry. which leads me into number 4.
4) I'm just not really comfortable with people. Especially a large number of people. If you pay close attention, which I'm sure most won't. I'm pretty awkward in a crowd. Sitting in the corner with my girl Kim, is REALLY where I want to be. I don't like a lot of attention. Which I am sure most have ignored. You don't hear me when I walk into a room. Often when I am seen, I have been there for quite some time, I don't search for recognition. Which leads to number 5...
5) I am a relatively low-key person. That's why I sit in the back in the first place. Unwanted attention makes me more uncomfortable then a crowd. Don't get me wrong, I love that special attention you can only get from your family and the one you love. But that wanting to be that poet, bring the house down type of thing ain't me. I STILL SHAKE WITH FEAR EVERYTIME I WALK UPON A STAGE.