Getting Coffee

New Character introductions.......
Cankle Crust: Heavy set woman whose ankles and calves are about the same size, and she wears sandals DAILY and her toes are always crusty. I used to be under the guise that certain persuasions could not be ashy or crusty she's proved that theory is false.
Cowboy Smoke: Much too old to be described as the Marlboro Man, has about a 24 inch wiry, greasy, salt and pepper braid. He smokes incessantly and wears a cowboy hat in doors.
SHESMYAGE?: A woman in my building that LOOKS MUCH TO OLD to be my age.
hiswifeshouldbeafraid: well, she should... Star Jones and Toni Morrison (get my drift?)
TOO FCKING LOUD FOR HIS SIZE: he's about 5'4, his bass voice is turned up at maximum volume. In other words he has no inside voice!

I left my desk this morning, forced away by Too Fcking Loud For His Size. History has taught us that he would be there for at least another fifteen minutes. He's babbling loudly and it's much too early to be patient. I'm hungry, without caffeine and I am not interested in what's going on in his Department. Actually he's about to get cursed out 'cuz no one can be that loud and not know it. After about five minutes another co-worker and I dart out of our pod, as we were unable to take another minute. Before leaving, I snatch my cup from my desk out of disgust, and walk over to Starbuck's a lot earlier than I wanted. Same drink different day, and I head back. As I am walking thru the parking lot, near the smoker's gazebo, I am startled by Cowboy Smoke.
"Good Morning. Nice day, huh?" he asks thru what seemed like tons of smoke and fire. I stopped and looked around before responding, "Yea, it is.". This guy never speaks to me, so I'm thinking it's getting ready to thunder or something...
"They (how the fck has THEY eluded me for nearly a year since we've been at this building) say you were on NPR."
I nod yes, and smile weakly. "Who the hell is spreading this madness?" I ask myself quietly.
"Yea, They (Again with the THEY) say you had a show, a fundraiser somewhere, sometime last week."
Again, I smile weakly and nod yes, he is making me REALLY uncomfortable, and I can barely breathe thru the Lucky Strike cloud forming in the vicinity.
"You get paid for that?" he asks out of nowhere.
Now we're getting to the root of it. "No. I do it for fun. A hobby." Then I become painfully aware, another bait... "Sorry, I need to get to a meeting," I continue, "nice talking to you?" I say as I walk away. The nerve of these people. Hell, the last time I talked to him was when I had the Mercedes, he and Lay's loud talked me about that car. Going on and on about how much it is probably worth.
As I enter the building I run into Cankle Crust. If she wears that light blue outfit another day, looking like a fluffy cloud with a little head floating on top. "Good morning," she says. I can still smell the half dozen jelly rolls she just wolfed down. She ain't fooling no one with those Lean Cuisine lunches. "I see you got your coffee. You love Starbuck's don't you?"
Yea, I thought Magic Johnson proved you people wrong when he began purchasing them and placing them in black communities. "Yes, every weekday." Another weak smile, my face is starting to hurt and I want to get back to my desk. I have a few items to take care of this morning. Remember don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Damn.
"That's good. I used to drink it, but I can't afford it. It's too expensive."
"Well, you have to budget for it."
"Ohh Starbuck's."
Fck, SHESMYAGE? walks up. "We're twins. I have that cup. You know _____________ and I drink there everyday." She's smiling. It's hard not to like her but I find it pretty easy. She's a visious gossip. She and Cankle Crust can gossip their lard asses off. I heard them just last week as I was returning from _____________________, they thought I was on the phone. Talking loudly about some woman, her divorce and how she's losing her hair.
FLASHBACK
"Ohh, __________. I thought you were on the phone." (AGAIN THE PHONE COMMENTS. Where's your life? On the other end of my phone line.
"No." I say pretty disgusted as I pull the end of the ear piece out of my pocket and twirl it in the air.
"She has a show coming up. That's when you see her using that piece in her ear. She talks with the phone to her ear." Cankle Crust says correcting SHESMYAGE?.
I'm thinking to myself damn, what color are my underwear? Bikini or boy cut? You're on it. "Well, I gotta go." I say, even more disgusted and visibly shaken. And I continue on my way. Man, I am suppose to show some respect, but damn can they show me a little?
"Good luck with your show. You should invite us sometimes."
Are you crazy went thru my head, but I mouthed, "Sure, next time."
BACKTOPRESENT
"What are you girls talking about? My favorite place?" Up comes, hiswifeshouldbeafraid, "I can't live without it."
"Yes, I was admiring __________ 's cup. I have one exactly like it," SHESMYAGE? exclaims.
"Oh, that's darling. I should get one." he says. Last week for halloween, he wore pink frizz around his waist and head, dancing around with a wand. Now I ain't saying he's a golddigger, but he ain't......
By this time, I'm feeling like I'm in some hell version of the fcking walking twishyt zone, cuz these stoopid mofos are talking and cackling around me. To any sane person who may be walking by, they might, believe, perhaps, that I was actually talking to them. A PART OF THE CONVERSATION.
"Please excuse me," again the weak smile, what the hell is up with that?. "My coffee's getting cold and I need to prepare for a meeting."
"Nice talking to you" says Cankle Crust.
Damn, I hope nobody heard her. The few people I do talk to here would laugh hysterically at the sight of me in their company... I spill coffee on my hand as I am trying to get away.
When I arrive back to my pod, the bass of TOO FCKING LOUD FOR HIS SIZE greets me.
The co-worker who left with me ask "Where've you been?".
"Gettin' coffee."
"He's still here, you want to go get a taco?"
"Yes."
Hell, I'm back where I started. Trying to escape.
to be continued.... maybe