8 hours til BURN.....

I'm in a fcked up place. Pretty sure why. I know what to do, it's just I have a methodical manner of procrastinating that must be followed before I can get out of this place. The last few weeks I have fought reacting, yet, I have come particularly close. This is common. I will also find one or two people who I remove permanently from my life, which is also common. The second step is the most precarious. Few times, but significant, nonetheless, I have chosen the wrong people. It hurts for a moment, but I consider it a casualty of war. For whatever reason, I attract people who are much too heavy for me, or I much too heavy for them. If it weren't for the weight that we, somehow place upon each other, it would be a wonderful, life altering friendship. I can be viewed as a coward in MOST instances that require fighting, I would rather flee. It will never be because I didn't believe the person was worth fighting for. Everyone that has touched my life, no matter how I may act, or what they believe, has been impacting. In 98.8% cases positive. I just can't deal with the outcome, the end results, the ongoing bullshyt, especially when it gets thick. I had an oil and water relationship with an individual. We were mad cool. I have had some of my most memorable experiences in the ATX with her, she helped me with my artistic growth, overall a damn good person, and I miss talking to her (a lot).... Ya know? (you probably don't) But we just viewed life differently, argued, people chose sides (often her's), and shit. Contrary to popular opinion, I don't like to fucking argue, nor do I like conflict. I like a lively debate. I try to live a life where I understand and want to be understood. In that situation, I could never be understood. "People" always thought I was fcked up. Or actually it was a time for a few, whom I never really fcked with, to have an opinion about me. So did a motherfckr talk or what? Still probably flapping her gums..... I digress. Also the duplicity in the circle of acquaintances, allowed both of us to believe we were right. And I know I am not always right, Ya know? (you probably don't.) Again I digress. The situation and the "friendship" in the end was hurtful, not because of her, just that people can't mind their fucking business. People feel like they have to chose sides. Kiss ass. Can't let people work out their PERSONAL differences, they never realized it didn't involve them, and most times it was nothing serious. Or so I naively believed. So, in the end, I just stopped talking, "cuz it was easier". And the weight of it was bringing me down. And I do have bouts of depression...
People believe that shit on stage. I wear a hint of arrogance on my sleeve, but it's only a protective shield. I hate the image that people have built of me. No I'm not on some, I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo misssssssssssssssssunderstooooooooood bullshyt. I'm just a tired mofo, and I can only keep shit up for soooooooo long. Anyway, I am at that place again. Where I want to be left alone. Where I ONLY want to be with someone who wants to be with me. Where I am not this "POET" person. I want to be me again..... And I want someone, any fcking one, to hang out with where I can be me, and....... UHHHHH! Now, I have to remove people because it is easier. 'Cuz I'm tired of trying. 'Cuz it hurts more than it heals.... I don't fight, I'm tired of arguing, I'm tired of, well, like I said earlier, I am a very tired mofo.........

disclaimer: Burn is like Choke it's not about ANYFUCKING ONE, JUST WHERE I'M AT IN MY LIFE..... So when I read it, if I read it tonight, don't start tripping, just listen if you want.... or don't...

evil miK