No, Thanks, I've Had Enough..... But While You're At It, Can You Slap Me One More Time?

Ever get your fill of people? I mean really your fill? Like you cannot take one more thing? Not even a hint of something, anything, whatever? Like if the MF said one more thing to you, you would explode like a fat man getting his fifth helping at a free buffet? That's about how I feel. Am I going to stop in mid track along my path of self actualization and discovery? Hell, no! See, I am standing in the middle of my little path, and a representative stands before me talking as if I actually give a rat's a$$ about what is being said. You know the representative don't you? Not the actual person, but the lie, no facade, they use to meet you, get you caught up with them. Only to find they are another fcking person, sometimes not even human. I'm not stupid. I've been here before. I know where to look. I know it's a puppet, a mere likeness, 'cuz I hear and see this devil spawn hiding midst the brush.

Enough ranting.... As you can see I am frustrated. I try to love and be liked. I don't expect to be loved. I told someone today that I awaken each morning attempting to do what's in and on my heart without thought of personal gain and perceived consequences. I was met with, I paraphrase, "that's good in theory, but...". I responded with, "I try diligently to keep myself honest by asking myself what are my motives?" Again, met with what I perceived as resistance. I did understand her point. She was patient and gentle with the comment as not to offend me. That type information is cool, serves as a dialogue. No arguments, only listened. Again, I try to love and be liked. Nothing more. Do I crave love, a true sense of understanding? Hell yes. I am FCKING TIRED OF UNDERSTANDING OTHERS, CAN ONE DAMN PERSON ATTEMPT TO UNDERSTAND ME... (at least for a mere five minutes of the day?) I promise I'll give you a dollar....

I've had enough ALREADY..... I am tired of "some friends" trying little interventions in an effort to make me more like them (docile, victims of group speak and group think, ill imaginative, lacking originality, shall I go on?). I am tired of understanding things that cut my core and hurt my soul. (You don't know you're doing it 'cuz I keep my mouth closed. I ALLOW YOU TO DO YOU.... ALLOW ME TO DO ME.) I am tired of people thinking they know what's best and verbalizing such, when they only know the fckin' 1/13 I am allowing them to see. I don't lie too much about who I am. Watch my feet. I am always me. Proud of it. But, I lost a friend, I think she was a friend, because I told her who I was from day one. No I really told her who I was, and she decided she wished to befriend me anyway. No, really, why is she mad? Just stop speaking? Because I was who I said I was and she wasn't who she said she was. I never changed, but she believed she could change me. Kind of like women do men. Believe me I know, they don't change. No matter what you do. And I am not going to change, unless I want to.....

I've had enough, really my cup is full. No, thanks, I'm really okay. No, it's sweet enough. No, I don't like a lot of sugar it's not good for you. Be careful, I almost spilled it. Why are you trying to take the cup from me? Opps, I'm sorry, I spilled the cup's contents on me. No, you were only trying to help, you weren't really jerking the cup from me? You weren't trying to fix it when I said it was fine.... Were you? Ohh, I see. No, it's not ruined. It just burns a bit. Maybe if you slap the shyt out of me, I will forget about the burning in my chest and concentrate on the sting you will leave on the left side of my face. What you'd say? Yes, I meant it. Yes, please, the next time just slap me and walk the hell away.. It'll only sting for a minute, but you never have to come back this way again...