3 Hours in Tennessee.... And On to Destinations (un)Known

This Thanks and Giving season I will be away from what is "most" comfortable to me. From the age 11 until her death in 2004, I've only missed one Thanksgivings with my Grand. It is the one I'm thinking of most in this moment.

In 2003 I went to Michigan with my ex. It wasn't a bad trip, it just wasn't home.. And no disrespect to anyone, but if you've lived in the spaciousness of Texas, cramped quarters and a concrete jungle are not what you are used to or can prepare for. The urban bleakness of an industrial sky, with weather dipping into the lower 20's is no where near as beautiful as the incredibly unseasonably warm (70-80 degrees) sunny, even, after dinner basketball game in Texas with my cousins and nephew. So when I called home, she answered, our usual game:
me: "marg?"
grand: "is this my favorite grandchild?"
me: "yes grand. how ya doing?"
grand: "i'm okay, just watching..."

And she goes on to explain the previous night when everyone arrived, the morning and on thru the early dinner. She discusses who's come over, in an effort to make me feel as if I were there. When she realizes it's not working, she asks how my trip was going. Knowing her first granddaughter's code for (dis)ease, (dis)comfort, (dis)pleasure and fatigue. She reassures me that I did the right thing by accompanying my ex on the trip, especially since he would be sacrificing his sister's favorite holiday (Xmas) so that I could be home with my family. She tells me she loves me, asks me if I want to speak to someone else.. she know's there's only one other person I really wanted to talk to (in that moment), to keep me from crying and to have our own private joke, she calls out to my sister, "stacye pick up the phone it's your sister, make her feel better, because she somewhere she doesn't want to be, but needs to be there."

And for whatever reason, maybe it's because I am on my way back to Michigan. Or perhaps, it's the holidays and as I call family and text friends, I want so desperately to talk to her. Which, lately has been pretty often. I see things she would want, like and need. I see previews of movies. Find things she would especially like. And I'm growing up again. Something she is probably thankful for, because she didn't raise me to "........." .

I pray that everyone has a happy thanks and giving season, and take time to truly be grateful for things that are most important what every you define that to be... for me, it's family and a close knit of friends I am learning to see as the same.

Smooches.....