the blonde squirrel has showed up again. he looks like the same one from last fall. he glanced over kind of like "what it dew, fool?". like he was hard or something. i hadn't been looking for him. but i've noticed him the last couple of days. he's still rolling by his lo-lo. i've never noticed another squirrel anywhere near him. not really sure why that's important. maybe, 'cuz i've been noticing more and more when people or things don't seem to be connected to anything or anyone. it kind of breaks my heart on some levels. then i think of it as a choice. but do squirrels make the decision to chill on their own, or are the other squirrels not hanging out with him because he's different? weird looking? or maybe he could be bothered. not wanting the hassle of chilling with a group. i mean then he has to kind of fight 'em off his nuts. (not in that way! man you've got a dirty mind.)

SINCE HOSTING, I HAVE NEVER WORN THE SAME T-SHIRT ON WEDNESDAYS.

WHY? CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO SEE ME WALK INTO ANTONIO'S.

if i don't want to wear t-shirts like other people. you would think right? i bring this up because yesterday's post did not come without "comments". now, i don't mind comments, i just don't always agree with the comments. thanks, but no one can make me feel better... i am not so insecure that i need to be "flattered", "complimented" or "idolized" by hearing my lines being "spit" by another poet. PERIOD. ohh, and the cheap version of my style. my gosh. and if you know me, you already know how much it pisses me off. i appreciate the attempts to make me feel better, but it doesn't. i don't want to be a bitch about it. i stopped participating in b-fran's writing labs because i believe there is only so much creative energy. biting someone's words and style proves my point. i don't want to be soapboxish, but i worked FCKING HARD TO BE MY OWN POET, HAVE MY OWN STYLE. no matter how whack or lame it or I may be. you DON'T have to use my fcking lines and cadence. you DON'T, after spitting every piece you have written cat in the hat'ish, have to ALL OF THE SUDDEN "speed up your piece to mimic my style. and don't look at me when you do it. it's insulting. you have the unmitigated gall to look at me as if i'm going to fcking applaud you. i'm not. i'm not going to applaud you because one- you are not enunciating, and it's embarrassing (for you and for me) and two - i don't want to see me in YOU. AGAIN I AM NOT THAT INSECURE..... fck. i feel another burn coming on... thanks q for the articles regarding plagiarism. man, i guess i can feel better. i have to chalk it up to "people doing this for all the wrong reasons. and while as some say it's a form of flattery, to (mis)quote another blogger - i got a pair of panties (boy cut) if you want to borrow those, too. i mean since we're sharing.....

read some comments on a lj regarding my man's performance at the other venue in town. as black writers (not the plagiarists), it's difficult to please audiences. particularity those of another persuasion. his piece basically discusses how we need a new leader, and that there are none in our community. he identifies issues that most black americans with pride would disdain. he performed it at "that" venue. apparently it got the highest score of the night. but not without criticism.

one poet commented: the white people went crazy for a poem about how black people need to take responsibility for themselves...I still don't exactly get it...although maybe that's taking something away from Brian's great performance. Maybe that's what they were applauding, I don't know.

one poet commented: "the white people went crazy"... agree with you on that one, and the uncomfortable feeling it causes...all these white people basically applauding a black guy saying black people are lazy, but it's ok because he's black, and the significance is that it is black utterance and not the content i guess?

i don't get it. unless we "black" people are entertaining "monkeys" it doesn't appear as if our concerns regarding OUR COMMUNITY are taken seriously. now their resident "negro" poets (whom i like as people) typically do pieces that border bafoonery, yell/rant at the top of their lungs while conveniently dropping associations to white pop culture, or (w)rap without the beats. as far as i'm concerned the white teacher who used the word nigger wasn't wrong as long as i call him a peckerwood. white people can say blacks are lazy as long as they are able to recognize their own laziness and not call it "being a hippie, finding oneself, or he's creative." slam is a fcked up thing and while i am having fun with the team and our coach.. i enjoy the intensity, but the politics? i find the people in slam are typically

- nerds, who were picked on in school and found something they would make them feel superior. some how act as if it's a real sport. hey! you were a nerd then. YOU STILL ARE. and HEY FREAK, GET A LIFE - you can't change your past.

- racist without actually saying it... to (mis) quote another poet from that scene... black poets in slam are often scored higher because somehow there "blackness" makes their words and experiences seem real. so they are given higher scores by liberal whites out of "guilt".
-miserable and want to escape their mundane reality so they escape in words.

- punks cause they hide in ljs and blogs and won't speak the truth to your face if you paid them.

last year i read as they reamed queen sheba. what she did at nationals was ILL TIMED and EMBARRASSING. okay you liked Annis more, but did you have to drag Jeanine in the mud? and what would you have really done if Christa Bell won? minimized the concept of misogyny and hip hop, dismissing it as trite, a simple idea? OR SAY: she only won because white people were afraid to say that about black music...

man, august 13th... man, august 13th....