it hurts. like hell....

listening to choklate... (thanks trey!) check gettin' is good ....

"life done taught me nothing too good will last forever, imma get it while the gettin' is good."

still hurts.

never thought i would live my life with regrets...

rethinking that motto as i write..

the thought of contemplating regret is as constant as the sun rise. even when i don't see it, i feel it, know it's there. experiencing it almost daily. beautifully tragic. am i finally living the life of the tortured poet. if so, that's a problem.

i have gained "noticeable" weight, so i'm starving myself. lunch was a nice air sandwich and a coke. was so full, i fell asleep in my car at lunch. note the sarcasm, i wasn't full, but i did fall asleep in my car.

i know that i am retreating... too much on my plate. yet, while i complain about the travel, it may be my saving grace. i remember when i moved to ausitn a few years ago, the ONLY reason it was tolerable was because i was never here.

don't get me wrong, there are things that make it great, but these days, everything is morphed into one huge ball, and right now... i need space, i just need to breathe... restlessly, and wrecklessly enough, i believe that will come from, well.....

my dad refers to his leg twitching, as restlessly dissatisfied... one of his many gifts to me.

to quote the BIBLE via me'shell n'degeocello - ecclesiastes: free my heart

"the sun rises and the sun goes down and hastens back to the place where it rose that from thence it may rise again finding all things wearisome unsatisfied my eyes not satisfied with seeing, my ears unsatisfied with hearing wondering of that which is now that which has been and that which is to be for my time on earth i pay so dearly for my past confusion embraces my heart for to know self is to forgive self on my sojourn of truth."

one day... one day, right?