To HIp or not to HOp. That is the Question?

Smoke
Lingers 'round your fingers
Train
Heave on - to Euston
Do you think you've made
The right decision this time ?
The Smiths.... London

Today I am listening to some mellow music. Kem Album II is the bomb, not sure if I like it more then his debut, Kemistry, which, in my humble opinion has some of the freshest love songs of this decade. No sap, no crap, rap like ballad, just pure, fresh, crisp, unadulterated crooning over smooth jazz like vibes. You do know that kind of love song, don't you? One you could send to your lover, and you knew that they understood exactly what sentiment, feeling,and thought you were attempting to relay? So the music has me at that spot. Ya know, back in the day when your moms, or in my case, grandmother, had you cleaning the house early Saturday morning? After, no offense to anyone, you dodged the Jehovah Witnesses, the insurance man or the man selling some "cure-all" ointment in the form of Watkin's Products. In my household by 8:30 am, you often heard "Grand, here comes that man or the Jehovah Witnesses are at Miss Kraft's (our next door neighbor)." You listened to her music, which you, at times hated, but you found yourself enjoying it, even singing the lyrics. To this day I cannot pick up a broom, sprinkle comet, pour Mr. Clean, or spray furniture polish and not think of Lou Rawls..."You'll never find, as long as you live, someone who cares about you, the way I do..." Funny how the mind works....I am lost in thought and can feel my surroundings, soon I'm actually cleaning house at 111 Zerrcliff. Which causes me to think of my grand. Which in turn causes me to think that she really has a watchful eye on me now.... Most days I question this, as I know that when people get to Heaven, if in fact there is a Heaven, they could care less what our monkey a--- are doing down here. But in case she is peeking over a cloud or two, I know she's asking my mother and aunts, "What is that child doing? And has she always done this? I know I taught her better." They would answer in sing song unison "NNHUH, that's her crazy tail...". She would wonder and worry... "How did I make it this long? How did I ever survive? DID I ever here what she was saying or trying to knock into my thick skull?" Don't get me wrong. I am not a criminal, far from it. I have love in my life, a good job, decent place to stay and a circle of friends most people would pray for.. I follow all laws except for those relating to traffic, "I often feel the need for speed." I don't use any illegal substances, unless of course you count Starbuck's. I am just the type of person who has to have the choice forced upon them, 'cause often I do not want to make decisions relating to mundane items on my life's platter. Mundane =Responsibility. PERIOD. I am like a big kid, I have a wild hair, I don't pull it, I let it grow, even nourish it. Or in some opinions or circles, I am a true Aquarius. Flighty. So when I think of "choice" and decision, I wonder, "Do I really have choices or ability to make decisions?". I know that if you do not act quickly, often they are made for you. Which is what happens so often in my life. Yet lately, I have seemingly made choices and I am wondering if I made the right ones. My house? Currently viewed as a poor choice. Car (HIP HOP)purchase? Seemingly, another poor choice, due to constant repairs. Move to Austin? Once a poor choice, moved to an alright choice, now I am reconsidering whether or not it was an awful decision, since I did it in an effort to be in the previous relationship. Previous relationship? Horrible choice on both parts, his and mine. Enough strikes against me, I won't make a single decision for a year. Unless of course it is with the help of a trusted human being. I used the line from the Smiths because I once made my most important decisions over a Dr. Pepper or a drink along with a cigarette. When I made the choice to stop smoking I knew it would bebeneficial, I also knew that my best decision making strategy literally went up in smoke along with the habit. Before that I just asked people and took a survey, if it was aligned with my wants/desires, I was in like Flynn. Before that it was like any kid, a flip of a coin, heads or tails. Not anymore. Life has a funny way of teaching you lessons, especially ones you refuse to learn.. Sometimes you cannot go with gut. I say all of this because I need another car. OR SOME WOULD MAKE ME BELIEVE, ESPECIALLY HIP HOP (the car). She has been making decisions for me. Walk, bum a ride, rent a car, buy another car... And I love her, I cannot make that decision. I have only fallen for one other person, place or thing as quickly as I have her.. They both have minds of their own, don't always do what I want, but I find great pleasure in them and I want to hold onto them as long as I can.. because they are worth the time and effort..
And while I wait at work for my Boy, B to come and get me. I thank GOD that I don't have to make a decision today.... or do I.
13andtheysayitaintlucky