on my mind

thinking of you, still praying.

shannon....

tonight tongues tie in solidarity
captivating the moments moments notice
the silence creeping in the loins of our fear.
utterances refuse to slip past lips.
a declaration.
bitter defiance
standing against the winds
rushing through and to your lungs,
escaping death not yet dying
or vying for freedom.
breathe.
breathe for me.

breathe with me.
we pray our gasps

push past the semblance of solace
and the flirtatious flutter
of an angel’s wing.
they are not yet ready for you.
we are not yet ready to let you go.
so sleep in southern comforted slumber,
hotlantic heat’s perspiration
fills and stills the air
as momma brushes hair
and stares.
gazes back to future
moments moments notice
our tears thrushing
pumping blood

and life

to

and

through you.

breathe.

breathe for me.

to be continued...

Shannon Leigh: an incredible woman and poet - send prayers

new poem

(inspired by a conversation I had in Cambridge with the fantastic Jme)

For the people planning to picket Heath Ledger's funeral
because he did Brokeback Mountain

Christ, what have they done to your hands
they have filled them with placards
and sewn up your tendons with cotton

I remember you used to bleed.
This is not my Calvary, the M-4
in your arms held stiffly with broken shoulder arched
this is not my cross, at its foot I
don't remember those small skulls
listen closely. They have fed
your starving with salt and sulfur
AIDS and typhoid your birthplace
is the grave of some woman or some
small child and they say this
is righteousness.

A child stuck with needles rubbed with cocaine
and fucked by her mother's man a woman
cut out of herself, her dark dreams
spread open and excised, in India
white women pay the poor to carry their children
this is the world
for which you died that
sacrificial offering that paved
these bloodrun streets
your sons are holding makeshift grenades
and bringing knives into grade schools
your daughters are bleeding out
in crowded waiting rooms and God,
what have they done to your words

they are tattered, buried in shrouds of silver this
is not my God

who was a man
who did no great thing but speak
to the poor and outcast and then die
raging at the fate he wished
he knew, he had
skin then
bright fire-eyes and open hands
scar-dotted and waiting
born of an unmarried woman who said to save herself
that she was holy
and made him believe, those hands
are not signposts
that cross is not a billboard with a picture
of a baby that blood
is only blood like ours, Christ

what have we done to you
you simple country carpenter you
perfectly timed suicide you lover
of the blasphemous listen closely:
don't come back.

We will see your feet and call you beggar
we will feed you with the fat
the rich discard and your teeth will rot away you
will be denied shelter and we will not care
even enough
to kill you

you will always deserve it. You will be
freak, john, junkie, you will catch lice from shelter pillows
and we will call you bum
the refugee camps will have no room for you the buses
will not stop and street miracles
will not even get you airtime

don't come back

when you hug men you will be called
faggot when we hear you preach
we will call you Jew at least that
has not changed and when
we come for you, there will be no trial
only an ambulance
restraints and syringes. Slowly

you will forget you are God
and write mad poetry on your skin
with felt-tip pens the nurses
will call you quiet and we will never
remember your name.

I remember you bled once
and I was too young to believe it was for me

do you still remember wood
beneath your palms, do you still
love the starving and the lame
or do you wish for a lesser death
wondering how we can possibly believe
this has all been for you
if you open up your hands
will you be home again

don't wait for us.

You've already seen what we
think of your
forgiveness.


shannon leigh (sometime in january 2008. posted on 01.26.08 her myspace page)

Nobe Not-yet (Kobe Bryant)

CHUMP!!!!!!!!!

"My head's hurting from always being right!".. Denali Guy . AND, "Kobe's a PUNK" I said that.

Let's BRING IT BACK TO THE EAST!!!!! You know I love New England, so it's natural I would go for the Celtics. I can't stand Nobe Bryant's punk AZZ, he's the BIGGEST REASON I AM NO LONGER A (f)LAKER FAN... I would have never gone for the East if the Spurs had won.

I've been grateful Lately....

I don't have a list.... I fell into my house and onto my sofa for the last time on Saturday night. I needed space and the familiar. The last six weeks have been exhausting, and I cannot say I've made it to the other side unscathed or bruised.

I have hurt and been hurt by two of the things I love most. Poetry and people.

Saturday came at the tail end of three of the hottest poetry nights I've experienced in a long time. The Neo Soul Anniversary. The Neo Soul Kevin Sandbloom performance this past Thursday. The Under 21 Slam. I cannot say that ANY OF THESE MOMENTOUS MOMENTS made the idea of poetry, let alone the writing/reciting of poetry any sweeter.

I committed to a Board that in the end will actually say I didn't do much to help. I am partially satisfied with that. My accomplishments and contributions will be minimized. (A hot ass 11 year old dj, his father who graciously taped the show and will edit it for sales to assist the U21 Organization (did I mention for free?), countless hours of hosting all the shows for the last two years without asking for a dime, attending Board Meetings (did I mention I didn't miss ANY OF THEM?), and possibly 1000.00 worth of in-kind donations which will probably not be used. I gave up a position on the Slam Team with my best friend, a young man I view as a son, and a Woman who is increasingly becoming a confidant and friend in order to "not appear biased" to continue to serve on a Board I committed to and in the end I will be viewed as .... well you know.... And while I was not responsible for the crowd that attended the event, I am ARGUABLY THE BEST FCKING HOST IN AUSTIN (which alone is an added benefit and I provided an added twist the YOUTH DJ. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just a bit disappointed and bewildered that in my effort to become a better person, I failed to recognize that people will always do what's in their best interest. I'm not bashing either. Because again, everyone does what's in their best interest. And this is in mine.

And yes, I sacrificed myself and my integrity at times to right a wrong. It wasn't cool for me to say I was on a Team I quit and never seriously considered being on again. It wasn't cool to continue to challenge the Board regarding my own value conflict. It wasn't cool to create rules as we went as a Board. It wasn't cool to try to prevent opportunities we said we wanted to create. And in the f'ing end what I said held f'ing true. "How can you guarantee that anyone is going to make the team? Let's deal with it then." And yes, I ran interference. I wasn't true to them which meant I had to quit. As it was put to me, just because you didn't vote for Bush doesn't mean that while he's in office you're not an American. While I didn't argue it then because I didn't wish to be any more argumentative and hostile in that moment; I would have said, "It doesn't mean that I have to act like the American that put the mofo in office either."

And it doesn't mean I supported the other stuff to make sure "things happened" in a certain way. I was f'ing confused. This being a selfless person can put you in a bind. I compromised who I am during the process and I didn't realize how much I internalized the bullshit that wasn't mine until I walked toward my car daze like at the end of the youth slam.

I don't blame anyone. Blame is not an issue. Honesty was, and still is the issue for me. And i wasn't honest to the person who meant the most. ME. I would like to go on record saying I wasn't true to any one person, as much as I tried to be true to me. And in the end, I lied to myself in order to go on.

So what I am most grateful for is the patience that G.O.D. granted to me through others during my confusion. I also would like to thank that same good orderly direction for lessons I learned throughout this process.