this just in.OBAMA, paint the White House BLACK!!!

for real? a vagina is not what any REAL Clinton Supporter was looking for. And a REAL CLINTON SUPPORTER IS A DEMOCRAT! Hilary was quoted, "We (women) should all be proud of historic nomination... while their policies will take America in the WRONG DIRECTION!" McCain, I think you and George Bush drank the f'cing kool-aid. America is not this DUMB!!!! And neither are its women.

Does he really think that even his party will go for this shit? 6000 e-mails in ONE HOUR to CNN! "

"The Vice President candiaite, I belive is most prepared to take my place, that would be the key criteria." John McCain April 2008. Fck I thought he'd pick Mitt. He could have gotten more WOMEN votes.

Obama, call up Farrakhan and get the F.O.I. to be the Secret Service. Baby, my birthday is gonna be rocking... I'm on my way to Chocolate City with my can of black paint!!! January 20th 2009!!!!

also, please send prayers to New Orleans and Houston, that bastatrd Gustavo is getting stronger, 75 MPH could speed up to 120MPH by Monday morning.

Happy Friday!!!!! Thursday was a great night to be NEO

"Poetry is an orphan of silence. The words never quite equal the experience behind them."
Poetry Quotes by Charles Simic American Poet born in 1938

the obama and other thoughts...

so i decided i didn't want to play the game. i talked to at least three people who i truly like, and gave them some info. i do like you.

be leary of those carrying news, they often are leaving some pretty important information out; WHAT THEY SAID. i'm glad i'm older. damn.

people need lives. repeating only half the truth does not make you honest, it makes you a LIAR. i never get that.

anyway.. i got a grateful list to get started on.

• facebook thanks angel. i found three old friends.


• a new poetry season.


• getting done with my work.


• a long weekend.


• say anything this past saturday was great.


• lalove is now known as meme the grandma poet!!! she has a granddaughter!


• someone who loves me as much as i love them.


• my girl, angel.


• eb and the play. proud of you niecey.


• memories.


• laughing from the gut.


• wisdom. wisdom. wisdom.


• staying in my lane and enjoying the view.


• i no longer need the word frenemy... it's all about perspective.


• i was spying and it looks like fay and ray are gonna be okay. and that makes me smile. i love young black love.


• neo looks like it's gonna be fire, well it feels like it.


• game's up.. find someone else to rile up.. she ain't here.

michelle obama, faces, and other thoughts..

tonight a good friend and i were having a discussion regarding michelle obama and the "sister face". you know the one, without your permission, an expression come across your face telling the whole world what you were feeling or thinking... she brought a very good point, what if that's just her "look". you know that "impress me" look. that i'm just being me.. we continued the conversation thinking she'd prolly be hellacool if she was your home girl, 'cuz we would just get her and it wouldn't be anything to us. it would just be that Obama.

then i asked her the unthinkable... "do i do that?" i knew the answer before she said a word. OF COURSE i do. mostly at poetry or around people i don't know. then i was reminded of the question asked to others but never to me. "why doesn't she like me." because i have that Obama. that sister look. that i'm in my zone minding my business and my thoughts look.

damn. do i have to like every f'ing body is what my evil self would say. funny, i like MOST people, it's just the few i don;t like seem to be the places i frequent. (LOL) no, i'm really old school. my great grand and grand instilled in me, "the welcome wagon ain't always welcoming." and my most recent one, "a box of friendly puppies doesn't safe guard ANYONE from the full blown bitch/dog, one is bound to become once it gets older, wiser and bitter.." in other words, smiles and laughs can be very deceptive. so can the Obama. or the that's just my look.

i think of the people who have come eagerly up to me in most instances in my life. now all of them weren't bad. they never really became long term friends. you know, i'm old school. i want to get to know you. watch you. know something about you. i don't trust anyone that's too f'ing familiar with me. don't know the color of my eyes, let alone my name. and sometimes i want to ask people, "what color are my eyes, are my teeth crooked, which pair of glasses did i have on last night, what color is my hair, does my breath stink?" cuz you know what, they don't know! yet they would make judgement about my character. think about what i'm writing.. let it marinate. it's poignant... that's why i don't write anyone the press they believe they need/want from me.

i always ask this, "what is wrong with YOUR self esteem that you would care if i liked you or not? how did you come to this conclusion? because i didn't hug you? because i wasn't talking to you? because i want to sit alone?" here are a few answers to pass on. don't ever care about what someone thinks of YOU more than YOU think of yourself. i always say, "damn, my loss, are they that great that i should be breaking my neck to get to know them?" or "they need a hug? or my new favorite, "they need a nap!" i don't like fcking hugging people. FOR REAL. i have huge allergies and allergy related asthma... that smokey ass venue, her perfume, his colonge, some one's bad breath, a stank ass, hell MAYBE I STINK, whatever!!! for real, my nose is fcking sensitive. if you pay attention (I REALLY DON'T WANT YOU TO) i only hug the same few people. we worked hard for that right. you know what, i'm closest to angel and we never HUG. and i only hug people when some random ass person makes me feel guilty then i hug EVERYONE BEGRUDGINGLY!!! i don't aways feel like talking. my job requires i talk all day to some damn body. i don't want to think. and the truth of the matter is with some people you have to think while you're talking to them, because they always got an angle or a hustle. and if it's neo, i came to poetry to hear POETRY... and i truly like to sit alone. i don't sit down anyway, so why would i sit with you, only to leave and you ask, "why did she leave."

and i was wondering does michelle have to go through all of this. i mean "wwmd?" i don't have a perm so i can't do that flawless do thing. secondly, i am not getting any closer to obama than the television so, people don't have to kiss my ass. maybe i should start clapping in front of my face, like michelle does. that way she's not such a target..

i have to go to neo, so i'll finish tomorrow. i promise.

To my supporters, my champions — my sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits — from the bottom of my heart: Thank you.

....And after so many decades — 88 years ago on this very day — the 19th amendment guaranteeing women the right to vote would be forever enshrined in our Constitution.
My mother was born before women could vote. But in this election my daughter got to vote for her mother for president.
This is the story of America. Of women and men who defy the odds and never give up.
How do we give this country back to them?
By following the example of a brave New Yorker, a woman who risked her life to shepherd slaves along the Underground Railroad.
And on that path to freedom, Harriet Tubman had one piece of advice.
If you hear the dogs, keep going.
If you see the torches in the woods, keep going.
If they're shouting after you, keep going.
Don't ever stop. Keep going.
If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.
Even in the darkest of moments, ordinary Americans have found the faith to keep going.
I've seen it in you. I've seen it in our teachers and firefighters, nurses and police officers, small business owners and union workers, the men and women of our military — you always keep going.
We are Americans. We're not big on quitting.
But remember, before we can keep going, we have to get going by electing Barack Obama president.
We don't have a moment to lose or a vote to spare.
Nothing less than the fate of our nation and the future of our children hang in the balance.
I want you to think about your children and grandchildren come election day. And think about the choices your parents and grandparents made that had such a big impact on your life and on the life of our nation.
We've got to ensure that the choice we make in this election honors the sacrifices of all who came before us, and will fill the lives of our children with possibility and hope.
That is our duty, to build that bright future, and to teach our children that in America there is no chasm too deep, no barrier too great — and no ceiling too high — for all who work hard, never back down, always keep going, have faith in God, in our country, and in each other.
Thank you so much. God bless America and Godspeed to you all.
Hilary Rodman Clinton 2008...

If you heard it, listened to it, read it, or heard about it. This is why this woman means so much to American Political History, Gender and Women's Studies, as well as Political Science and US/World History.

I will vote for Barack Obama. Unlike most Hilary supporters it was never a question. I always supported him and his cause. Today, as in the last 18 months, it has been more important to me to identify myself as a WOMAN first. History was being made on both sides. I can always refuse to answer the question regarding race/ethnicity on any application, but I must always answer GENDER. Michelle made me proud to be a Woman of Color. Hil just made me proud and reminded me that I never want to be a well behaved woman!!!!

Facebook, my new toy..

so angel talked me into joining facebook. first thought, no, not another social network!!!! but, you know what I love it..

gratitude

a moment at bnv that reminded me that life is too short...

• three poetry scenes blend lovely (Under 21, Neo and Austin AP) let's continue to move forward.
• a ride to the beach... a memorial and a boat ride.
• the dolphin poking from the depth of her soul.. she is our ocean. (really)
• the beauty of the sky mother of pearl (say what!!)
• the love we allow ourselves that continue to grow into vulnerable acceptance of our human frailties.
• speed sand walking races...
• friendships and sisterhood that continue to expand and reach further than we ever imagined.
• my heart is murmuring words..
• falling in love again.. and again.. and again.
• rain.
• atl love, we need a road trip people..
• the promise of another big chill!
• for her allowing, loving and trusting me. shannon, i am doing all i can.
• radio silence.. what!
• watching you perform in another play. baby imma star.
• my girl. angel. for real.
• looking forward to another slam season. adult and u21.
• g.o.d i mean what can i do without you and those who allow you to work on me through them.

NPS Finals

When I say the night was electric, it is not an exaggeration, but an understatement.

It started with a very moving tribute to Shannon. An empty stage with watery blue lights shining toward a microphone. Neo Soul's slam team along with moi, performed (in the stage wings) Shelia's Poem to Shannon. I added a touch of Yeat's A Prayer for My Daughter (for Jono and B-Fran). Faye sang "Turn Around) beautifully under stress, and Chelle and I read the body of Shelia's work.

A text from my girl Angel along with a few LJ entries let me know my/our/THE goal was accomplished. 1) A beautifully moving tribute. 2) a reminder that it's always about the people who aren't there, who aren't able to speak to us or for themselves. The hundreds of people who wanted/wished they could have been at nationals 3) egoless (not about any one person, or team. I don't think people even know who performed the poem. 4) a great way to start a great show.

Mind you, there were other things that occurred prior to our performance but... you know. I was behind the stage.

HIGHLIGHTS

• marty mcconnell (beautiful for real)


• rachel ( i mean, why not?)


• andy f'ng buck.


• chris lee


• the charlotte team's eerie stalker/rapist piece, i mean blues's voice coming out of this woman's mouth was mad crazy...


• boston cantab (the devil piece.. holy crap!)

the following bittersweet highlights

• my last 2 pieces of balsamic vinegar peperoni pizza from ian's


• last stroll down state st.


• last glimpse of all the poets' hanging outside of the theater


• jumping in a cab in front of ian's, saying good night madison, austin has left the building


• naming madison wi, madison, texas,


• actually naming everything and everyone/team that was DEEMED cool as Texas. i.e. St. Louis, Texas. Madison, Texas.


• the long as drive back to chicago


• telling the team to walk outside and sit in front of the sky cab so that we could AVOID the three hour lines inside.. i mean even at 3:30 am there is a line.


• getting kicked out of madison. damn i loved it there. i mean we didn't have a crowd, but man, DIDN'T WE HAVE ONE HUGE WORD ORGY!!!

NPS 2008

I had hoped I had it in me to recap the entire week day by day. I don't. There are some things I'd rather keep to myself. Yes, it was that good. Even more, magical. I want to thank the team for allowing me to be a small part of their success, and no matter what anyone says or believes it was a success.
Monday Hi-lights

• registering at the host hotel and seeing everyone again.
• Damn it was good to enjoy NPS away from Austin, it had been too long (2 years).
• seeing Mo's big ass wide smile.
• Dasia Kelly
• Walking through downtown Madison aka Pleasantville
• hooking up with Oakland, even if for a minute
• promises of clubbing with Mona (San Fran) and Original Woman (Slam Nuba)
• clicking with the other Texas Teams
• Lovely recognizing and calling me and Chelle out on the street! (2006 finals STAND UP)
• missing most of the opening party
• riding back and forth around the corner screaming Texas in the SUV!
• secretly hating on, but loving them nonetheless, Denver Slam Nuba for being almost as sexy as us in all their scooterific glory!

Tuesday Highlights

• Supporting TEAM AUSTIN AP!!!! they fought hard.
• Slam Nuba's (we cut heads) and their unrelenting thrashing at the Orpheum
• Maze Forever... I could be his stalker.
• Charlotte's Pendulum Poem. OH MY GOSH!
• Ian's Pizza.
• Mango Margarita's at Frida's
• Late night talks with Angel
• Hanging with the team.
• Rookie Slam

Wednesday Highlights

• B and I wearing our I "heart" DC shirts, before the bout with them.
• Beating DC Baltimore with little, if any question and without looking over our shoulder.
• walking about a half mile to go see Austin's second bout, but missing the bout of all bouts to do so.
• talking to Original woman most of the night during the bout. sister is amazing.
• sneaking over to the other venue and listening to the poem by the "other" Charlotte Team. "Let's fall in love like white people!" It was hilarious.
• Listening to Scott Woods do "Cho". That was magnificent.
• Late night talks with Angel. That is my girl!!!!!
• Dinner at Jamerica. Man it was gooooood!
• The love that was shown to us by the other teams during our bout before their bouts. Thanks Austin and NuYo
• Did I say winning the bout. Our set: team-I Am Poetry, Jono-Eternity Rising, B/Jono-2 Brothers, and Faye-Transdance
• Erotic slam and meeting Mason. He was weirdly funny.

Thursday Highlights

• Winning our BOUT DECISIVELY! four rounds of individuals!!! Set - Faye-I Never Sleep Alone, Jono-MapleSap, Brian-Struggle and Chelle-Vee-Dubs. In case you didn't know that was Neo-Soul History.
• The Vancouver chant after each time penalty "you rat bastards, you're ruining it for everyone, but it was well worth it!
• The Shannon tribute and sitting with Shelia. I lost it. But found it. Missy's love and support of the team and us as individuals. Dang girl, I loves you....
• The Sisterspeak reading was weak, but enjoyable.
• Teasing Angel on the street. She is so my sisterfriend, and "social". (LOL)
• Ian's pizza
• Getting kicked off Frida's porch.
• We're in semi's beaches!!! yes I meant it that way, and we are ranked 5th in the nation.

then somewhere in the night, a log drops on our heads. actually the following morning. after slammaster's meeting we are not bouting against who we thought.

Friday's Highlight's

• Slammaster's meeting, man there are some vindictive, racist people in the world, it's funny.. for real. and yes it was a highlight to watch each attempt FAIL.
• Finding out that we are in the "bout of all bouts" NY Louder Arts, NY NuYo, Berkley, and Silver City which is actually the dang ALBQ team from 2005.
• Standing in our words. Standing in our words.
• Poets of record.
• Jono's entry into the adult world.
• B's desire to help that happen.
• Shannon's tribute.
• Group night finals.
• Oh my gosh the sperm in the balcony, just keep swimming Chicago Mental Graffiti is off the chain.
• watching some poets see neo just a little different. Whoever is on the team and whoever coaches, please follow the path this team had laid.
• Berkley's my third eye steal and people recognizing they stole it from us!
• The Open Mic on the State Street. That was the best, I LOVE OHIO!!!! I got to hear Donielle's "girl scout" piece among some amazing poetry! Prolly the best of the best and it was love. Dave H even did the Superman Ali piece! That night was the best of the week.

Even though we did not make it to finals. We did. No one really remembers who won, but they remember Jono's piece. I am happy that he trusted us to allow that moment to occur. I love this team like Fam. you guys worked hard when you needed to and it showed. Thanks for expanding your box and purpose in this WORLD!

tomorrow finals night.

Up, Up and Away

Crack of dawn, Sunday morning, after a very emotional night, Team NEO NEO departs the ATX in search of adventure.

We arrive in Chi-town. We are amp!!! Only to find out

• one of our team-mates has lost ALL OF HER MONEY.
• Denver Slam Nuba beat us there probably by a .1 of a second. (2006 comes to mind)
• They will not allow us to have additional drivers on the rental car without additional plastic. In other words a credit card per driver.
• There is no Starbuck's in the friggin' airport.

All of that quickly changes as

• B-fran always has a plan.
• Starbuck's is less then a mile away.
• we just rode the electric walk like surfers!
• and we cracked mad jokes. (private ones of course, but they were mad funny)

We make it to the rental car place. Peep this we got a HUGE TEXAS STYLE SUV, doing it way big. We wander around Chi-Town, grab some pizza, laugh, joke, bond and arrive in Madison well before dark. WE EAT (or attempt to eat) THE BEST SUNDAE in the world, we stopped at Margie's Candies.

We (The Team and I) all checked into our hotels. Our hotels were walking distance, connected by parking lots right next door to each other.

Angel met me at the hotel lobby and we proceeded to check out Madison WI. Took the hotel shuttle to downtown Madison.

Quaint, cute.

more to come....

WARRIOR- A TRIBUTE TONIGHT @ RUTA MAYAS

Borrowed from 300 -

"A thousand tongues of the poetic empire descend upon you. Our words will blot out the sun!"

FOR OUR WARRIOR

NEO, not the GROUPIES/WANNA BE(s) Stand UP!

Last night was, I cannot say how incredibly pleased I am. I was introduced as the Coach of the Neo-Soul Slam team. Now, I cannot accept that title, for many reasons. 1) I haven't worked with them all season, and 2) most importantly, I cannot take credit for what is truly theirs to share with the world.

We know there has been the occasional naysayer that believes, as they did in 2006.. The team ain't blank without _____ and they really need _____ to do any good, or (s)he's gonna have to carry them. NUCK DAT! Ain't nobody carrying any one. THEY ARE ALL 1 SLOTS. THEY CAN ALL BE CALLED IN A PINCH. I think they showed everyone that! And I truly believe in each and everyone one of them. And happy that each received the acceptance, recognition and appreciation for their body of work. Last night each and everyone of them STOOD ON THEIR OWN.

Humbly and honestly, I cannot take credit for that. None of it. I wish I could. I want to thank them as well for this..

you made my night fantastic, you renewed my faith in words, you truly MOVED me.

let's show madison who we are and what we're made of!!!!

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING SATURDAY!!!!

They Call Me WARRIOR! people will remember... SATURDAY NIGHT 08.02.08 RUTA MAYA'S WORLD HEADQUARTERS...

and i know you're prolly like, "what the hell?", shaking your head in embarrassment by all the attention. wondering why we aren't moving on with our lives? in your heart of hearts, you already know why. your mother needs us. yet, i'm posting this for you and i to have a momentary chuckle... you already know i'm gonna get one as soon as it gets cold..

okay. i don't know anything anymore.. i mean absolutely nothing.

I know where you will be SATURDAY NIGHT 08.02.08

shameless...

okay would it be shameless to post another picture of the DOG I want? okay, i bet it is... so i won't.

PLEASE A DOLLAR TO ANYONE

Please help me start a campaign for ELM to get me this DOG for XMAS.. or MY BIRTHDAY...

dog gone tired and grateful

It's been a while since I've actually written a grateful list. I have been grateful for so many things lately, despite and in spite.

• G.O.D. - your grace, wisdom and ever growing presence in my daily, not just spiritual life. Yes, i am tragically, human, yet you are keenly aware and show me forgiveness daily.


• memories - every moment in our lives is an opportunity to create memories, i thank G.O.D for memories (all of them).


• DC - yup I'm thankful. learned so much about youth programming. made wonderful connections. and had a lot of fun with two of them - subways, u street, shopping for tennis shoes/jewelry, their performance on the street for the AKA's, eating Ben's famous chili on Friday, listening to them, learning, meeting his friends from home, her vulnerability, his Lupe'ness. meeting sonia sanchez and manual algarin, them signing my book bag, jumping off a bus and seeing marc marcel's beautiful grin, talking and joking with stan lathan, hanging out with swollen ankles, so many more beautiful memories...


• Chillaxing in Madison - yup, looking forward to hanging out with friends, chilling to poetry, and music on the LAKE!! I SEE YOU DK! and because i believe, they believe and i want them to make others' believers.


• my family - a week with my niece and ELM's niece. was fun, funner, and funnier. they made me believe in children and youth again. my sis just goofy. my nephew, the future.


• SAYOM/Funky Mike - bigger and better. thanks for being a patient partner.


• my family that came to me through friendship - especially, the big five. angel.eb.b.chelle.mzj (thank you for getting to know or always knowing my heart.) it means a lot and it doesn't go unnoticed.


• my home - thanks for always being some one i can crawl, cry, hide, scream, and love. (HARD AND DESPERATE) it will never be the four walls or the things we accumulate together. it will always be the brown of your eyes and your smile that shelter and comfort me most!


• my new lap top. thanks for looking out, both of you. i don;t know anything about vista, but i love everything else.


• conversations - i've listened, read, heard and listened again. gotcha.


• letting go - i cannot change to accommodate anyone, nor do i expect anyone to change to accommodate me. i've been practicing letting go and letting g.o.d. baby steps.


• my new mantra: i respect your do, respect my done. t-shirt coming soon.


• knowing grudges and anger are much to heavy to carry. i want to walk with my head tall, and the only way to do it is to drop burdens that are not mine to carry.


• COPA/MO see you next week.


• an unexpected call from a tree! damn girl i've missed you.

GO SHORTY!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STINK!!

STACYE L GAFFORD-GREENE

my younger sis!

my thursday night with a 10 and 11 yr. old

hobby lobby for messenger bags and paints and iron ons to decorate them wing stop austin park and pizza h.e.b. for ice cream creation of the most beautiful bags outside of paris. it was goofy hat night. we took pictures. i made a fool of myself, they laughed.

truly they were the poetry i needed most.

wednesday...

god...
i've made mistakes. i've done what is asked. or at least i've worked diligently to be the best me. it may not be what others want, see or understand. i thank you for those who truly understand and love me and my flaws..

i am grateful to be me.
i am grateful for the love in my life.
i am grateful for the mistakes i've made
i am grateful for the lessons i've learned
i am grateful for the opportunity to learn

i don't know how to deal with loss.
i don't know how to deal with grief.
it reminds me of the love and life i once had.
i am grateful for that time and those people.
g.o.d. i miss them and remembering doesn't make my loss any easier
i still hurt, and am sad
i am grateful to know these things about me.

i miss those things that are so familiar that i don't have to think.
i am grateful for once having that space in my life.

i disappoint, i am selflessly, selfishly human.

i am grateful for knowing that about my self.

thanks for the breaths g.o.d. i will try not to waste them

congrats to the poets who won..

DC HIGHLIGhTS

my grand used to say..

some kids would be happy to wear that outfit ( A DRESS with PURSE UGH!), go out of town to visit their family (the cousin with no cable in the country!), family time this friday (gonna miss terry's party), eat vegetables in a restaurant (spinach), be home by mid-night (gonna miss the party after the game). you can't go over there, i don't know her mother (u make me sick) call me when you get there (dang, nobody else has to call.) her favorite line, there's nothing out there open but legs and bars. you can't get into a bar and you better not be...

i had a chance to think about it. last week was one of the most disappointing times of my life with young people.

i will not nor will i encourage any of my friends to donate ANY MORE time or money to the CURRENT 2008 U21 team. i watched my money and time, as well as a close friend's money go to waste on disrespectful, ungrateful children with a poor sense of entitlement. to think they squandered an opportunity to truly represent the the city of Austin, themselves, their parents, The Organization, Shannon's name and memory.

it's not so much about the time penalty or the scores... i was okay with not going to semis and finals. (i mean from every one's mouth it was about the love.) ironic, there was no love or consideration given to the people who worked their ass off to get them there. the people who worked their ass off to keep them safe. or the sacrifices made to get them there. DESPITE our own level of discomfort, grief and pain, we sucked it up and said the show must go on. i did not want to go (nor did a few others), but i had to step out of myself to allow the kids this opportunity.

there will be some who believe it wasn't that bad. people over reacted. guess what, you can say that, it's your value system. but in mine, in my little world. Adults don't curse kids. Kids don't curse adults. Kids don't disrespect adults. Kids follow the rules of the ORGANIZATION THAT PAID FOR THE TRIP! No f'ing one way tickets so we can send you HOME WHEN YOU ARE DISRESPECTFUL... See in my world YOUR PARENTS HAVE TO NOT ONLY PAY YOUR WAY IN LIFE, BUT LIVE AND DEAL WITH YOU. I DON'T. i should have never, (nor should anyone else) have to plea with anyone to follow the f'ing rules and stay with the group. i mean you read the lines in the first paragraph, my grand wasn't playing.

so when i promised four parents I would take care of their children as i would take care of my own. i wasn't playing. not on my watch. no weed smoking. no drinking.. no screwing. do that when you get back home. and sorry, call me old fashioned, i always want to know where children under my supervision are, especially in a city i know nothing about, even if they are 18 or 19.

in retrospect the idea of not sending a team, was hella better than what happened in DC. for real. AGAIN this in my opinion. i operate under a totally different system. i don't know anyone else's system and if it works for you work it. just not on my watch. i pray that the revamping of U21 organizational rules and the Board will quickly put this incident behind us and set a stage for next year's team to flourish...

Thank G.O.D. WE are NOT GOING TO QUIT because we know there are some kids out there who are willing to eat the FCKING VEGETABLES!

MOM

Happy Birthday..

MARY ELIZABETH TAYLOR

America, WHY????

Every time we think we may be able to forgive your dumb ass, you pull a Jim Carey and become DUMBER AND DUMBER!!!!

It's three o'clock

and she's having conversations with herself that she doesn't want to have.
refused to have.
afraid to wake the demons lurking in the shadows of her prayers,
and the forestry of her conscious....

i suffer from the black woman superhuman syndrome. believing i can handle everything. believing i am superhuman, often avoiding those internal triggers that tells the average person, 'you're taking on too, too, much."

a series of events, most recent the tragic loss of a young woman who i admired immensely. forced me to take a look at my mortality, and that of those around me. then of course, i got in my way. and began to worry...

it took me to a dark place. not as dark as some. but it was pretty dark. and i began to think of how we take care of ourselves, our mental health. in our community we do not seek assistance, we self diagnosis, ignore and continue to move forward as if...

and i realized, i couldn't. not because i wanted to hold onto the pain. nor was i comfortable in my fear. and believe me, i've been very fearful these day. i just realized, man, "i'm f'ing tired." and i realized something else. the void. the spiritual void that has ever increased as i have chased dollars, cars, homes, friends, relationships, you name it. i've chased it. believing with each trinket i would find more happiness. not really believing it lies deep within me.

and i remembered what my great grand and grand used to say. he will never give us anything we can't carry. and we never really carry the load ourselves. remember those footsteps in the sand? so i stepped back, took a deep breath, prayed and asked for help.

dang.. i am beginning to feel better. breathe. let go. let G.O.D.

Outspoken, balanced and knowledgeable... If you were a StrangeLittleGirl, you would be....
Real Men.
You are the type of person who appreciates the balance of yin and yang, anima and animus. You embrace these elements of yourself freely and equally. Your life is about balance, about finding the perfect middle ground and harmonious state. You are also a very outspoken person, and you use your knowledge to educate others and try and make a difference in the world. You particularly dislike labels and stereotypes, preferring to think of people as fluid on all levels, personality and sexuality included. You're a strong, passionate person.
"And so it goes, go round again...."

Until we meet again...

moment of silence and rememberance...

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun..W.H. Auden

This is a snippet of the inscription left in the chap book, Fuck Me Human. I purchased the book because I was so proud of her. And I had to have a small piece , a token of her meteoric rise as a woman and a touring poet. She was the first "U-21 poet" I'd seen. I mean, I've seen kids do the recitations, but she was the one! A beast, and I believe she was only 15. She was competing at Ego's, and if I remember correctly Love gave me a little nudge, like watch this. She was performing "The Current State of Hip Hop". I don"t remember the score, I don't know if she won. I just remember sitting in awe. At the time, I was sitting next to her Mom and Ron. I vaguely remember the look on Shelia's face, but I do remember the air of love and pride that filled the air as Shannon performed. Unbeknown to me, I would begin a friendship with the Young Talented Poet and her Mother. Shelia, graciously allowed me to be her "Baby's Mama". She also, along with Ron allowed me to participate on some levels with her other baby, The Under 21 Slam Team. I can almost remember every year Shannon competed. I say almost, because today is a whir and a blur....

Yesterday when I received the news, I went into a panic looking for this chap book. I remember looking at it, and asking someone if they either wanted it or wanted to read it, as I was SURE I'D GET A CHANCE TO BUY ANOTHER ONE. I thought maybe I placed it somewhere in my desk as I recalled a co-worker saw the title, and I didn't want to get into trouble. Then I remembered the inscription and I decided to keep it, or so I believed. As I drove home, I immediately begin to try to pull myself out of the indifference and indescribable feelings I had at the moment. You now how every emotion you have kind of lingers in the back of your head and stops? Makes your head ache rather dully? And you can't decide if you want to scream, curse or cry? So you just feel anxious and panicked? Well that's how I've felt for over a week. I begin to question. Not G.O.D., just question... and I pray.

Then I teared a bit. Then I got home and I cried in my ELM's arms. Then I remembered the dvd Shelia brought me back from Seattle. And I felt better. But not good enough, because I needed that chap book. I stood still, long enough to listen. And I found it.

Then I relived, as long as my mind would allow me to focus, our last moments together. And I was happy to have known her, been a small part of her life...

Village, I ask of you to accept Shannon as one of us. She is stubbornly strong, but she has an infectious smile and wit. She's a thinker and a talker, very easy to love. I know I don't have to ask anything of you. I know that you've already reached out to her. Just let her know she's missed..

on my mind

thinking of you, still praying.

shannon....

tonight tongues tie in solidarity
captivating the moments moments notice
the silence creeping in the loins of our fear.
utterances refuse to slip past lips.
a declaration.
bitter defiance
standing against the winds
rushing through and to your lungs,
escaping death not yet dying
or vying for freedom.
breathe.
breathe for me.

breathe with me.
we pray our gasps

push past the semblance of solace
and the flirtatious flutter
of an angel’s wing.
they are not yet ready for you.
we are not yet ready to let you go.
so sleep in southern comforted slumber,
hotlantic heat’s perspiration
fills and stills the air
as momma brushes hair
and stares.
gazes back to future
moments moments notice
our tears thrushing
pumping blood

and life

to

and

through you.

breathe.

breathe for me.

to be continued...

Shannon Leigh: an incredible woman and poet - send prayers

new poem

(inspired by a conversation I had in Cambridge with the fantastic Jme)

For the people planning to picket Heath Ledger's funeral
because he did Brokeback Mountain

Christ, what have they done to your hands
they have filled them with placards
and sewn up your tendons with cotton

I remember you used to bleed.
This is not my Calvary, the M-4
in your arms held stiffly with broken shoulder arched
this is not my cross, at its foot I
don't remember those small skulls
listen closely. They have fed
your starving with salt and sulfur
AIDS and typhoid your birthplace
is the grave of some woman or some
small child and they say this
is righteousness.

A child stuck with needles rubbed with cocaine
and fucked by her mother's man a woman
cut out of herself, her dark dreams
spread open and excised, in India
white women pay the poor to carry their children
this is the world
for which you died that
sacrificial offering that paved
these bloodrun streets
your sons are holding makeshift grenades
and bringing knives into grade schools
your daughters are bleeding out
in crowded waiting rooms and God,
what have they done to your words

they are tattered, buried in shrouds of silver this
is not my God

who was a man
who did no great thing but speak
to the poor and outcast and then die
raging at the fate he wished
he knew, he had
skin then
bright fire-eyes and open hands
scar-dotted and waiting
born of an unmarried woman who said to save herself
that she was holy
and made him believe, those hands
are not signposts
that cross is not a billboard with a picture
of a baby that blood
is only blood like ours, Christ

what have we done to you
you simple country carpenter you
perfectly timed suicide you lover
of the blasphemous listen closely:
don't come back.

We will see your feet and call you beggar
we will feed you with the fat
the rich discard and your teeth will rot away you
will be denied shelter and we will not care
even enough
to kill you

you will always deserve it. You will be
freak, john, junkie, you will catch lice from shelter pillows
and we will call you bum
the refugee camps will have no room for you the buses
will not stop and street miracles
will not even get you airtime

don't come back

when you hug men you will be called
faggot when we hear you preach
we will call you Jew at least that
has not changed and when
we come for you, there will be no trial
only an ambulance
restraints and syringes. Slowly

you will forget you are God
and write mad poetry on your skin
with felt-tip pens the nurses
will call you quiet and we will never
remember your name.

I remember you bled once
and I was too young to believe it was for me

do you still remember wood
beneath your palms, do you still
love the starving and the lame
or do you wish for a lesser death
wondering how we can possibly believe
this has all been for you
if you open up your hands
will you be home again

don't wait for us.

You've already seen what we
think of your
forgiveness.


shannon leigh (sometime in january 2008. posted on 01.26.08 her myspace page)

Nobe Not-yet (Kobe Bryant)

CHUMP!!!!!!!!!

"My head's hurting from always being right!".. Denali Guy . AND, "Kobe's a PUNK" I said that.

Let's BRING IT BACK TO THE EAST!!!!! You know I love New England, so it's natural I would go for the Celtics. I can't stand Nobe Bryant's punk AZZ, he's the BIGGEST REASON I AM NO LONGER A (f)LAKER FAN... I would have never gone for the East if the Spurs had won.

I've been grateful Lately....

I don't have a list.... I fell into my house and onto my sofa for the last time on Saturday night. I needed space and the familiar. The last six weeks have been exhausting, and I cannot say I've made it to the other side unscathed or bruised.

I have hurt and been hurt by two of the things I love most. Poetry and people.

Saturday came at the tail end of three of the hottest poetry nights I've experienced in a long time. The Neo Soul Anniversary. The Neo Soul Kevin Sandbloom performance this past Thursday. The Under 21 Slam. I cannot say that ANY OF THESE MOMENTOUS MOMENTS made the idea of poetry, let alone the writing/reciting of poetry any sweeter.

I committed to a Board that in the end will actually say I didn't do much to help. I am partially satisfied with that. My accomplishments and contributions will be minimized. (A hot ass 11 year old dj, his father who graciously taped the show and will edit it for sales to assist the U21 Organization (did I mention for free?), countless hours of hosting all the shows for the last two years without asking for a dime, attending Board Meetings (did I mention I didn't miss ANY OF THEM?), and possibly 1000.00 worth of in-kind donations which will probably not be used. I gave up a position on the Slam Team with my best friend, a young man I view as a son, and a Woman who is increasingly becoming a confidant and friend in order to "not appear biased" to continue to serve on a Board I committed to and in the end I will be viewed as .... well you know.... And while I was not responsible for the crowd that attended the event, I am ARGUABLY THE BEST FCKING HOST IN AUSTIN (which alone is an added benefit and I provided an added twist the YOUTH DJ. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just a bit disappointed and bewildered that in my effort to become a better person, I failed to recognize that people will always do what's in their best interest. I'm not bashing either. Because again, everyone does what's in their best interest. And this is in mine.

And yes, I sacrificed myself and my integrity at times to right a wrong. It wasn't cool for me to say I was on a Team I quit and never seriously considered being on again. It wasn't cool to continue to challenge the Board regarding my own value conflict. It wasn't cool to create rules as we went as a Board. It wasn't cool to try to prevent opportunities we said we wanted to create. And in the f'ing end what I said held f'ing true. "How can you guarantee that anyone is going to make the team? Let's deal with it then." And yes, I ran interference. I wasn't true to them which meant I had to quit. As it was put to me, just because you didn't vote for Bush doesn't mean that while he's in office you're not an American. While I didn't argue it then because I didn't wish to be any more argumentative and hostile in that moment; I would have said, "It doesn't mean that I have to act like the American that put the mofo in office either."

And it doesn't mean I supported the other stuff to make sure "things happened" in a certain way. I was f'ing confused. This being a selfless person can put you in a bind. I compromised who I am during the process and I didn't realize how much I internalized the bullshit that wasn't mine until I walked toward my car daze like at the end of the youth slam.

I don't blame anyone. Blame is not an issue. Honesty was, and still is the issue for me. And i wasn't honest to the person who meant the most. ME. I would like to go on record saying I wasn't true to any one person, as much as I tried to be true to me. And in the end, I lied to myself in order to go on.

So what I am most grateful for is the patience that G.O.D. granted to me through others during my confusion. I also would like to thank that same good orderly direction for lessons I learned throughout this process.

Neo Stand UP!!!

Last night was off the mofokin chain... 'nuff said

do you now what today is?

It's Our Anniversary

Thanks June and Herm....

Neo - Soul five years strong!

An Oldie

conversations
"I mean, what would you do if you woke up the next morning and thought God was dead?".paraphrasing the work of Mr. Zell Miller, III Austin Slam Team 2005, 2006
She sat in darkened room, lightening shattered the depression that swelled inside her bosom. memories and ghosts from her past, sat stilled in the shadows."ah've known lil' peace, an' piece a' min' iza lux'ry ah can't a'ford. 'specially win ah done bounce da check owed from yesti'deys washed out dreams." i felt her noose of despair, regret and tears cut close against my neck. the sting jarred me back into the reality of the moment. silenced by betrayed voices, i sat paralyzed dodging her words. and her story. as if they were bullets threatening my life. the core of my existence. dodging, in fear, that one day, her story may be my own..."win ah die, dere may be tin, 'leven peoples at da fune'ral, dat's iffin dey ain't altready dead. mostly family. so ah guess ah'll be cremated." she chuckles eerily at the reality of her statement. "babee, ah have lived mah life 'n fear, 'n wile, ah don't pity mah'self fo' da de'cisons ah've made, at times ah'm, 'shamed. ah see it 'n yer face. chile, now, dontcha go feelin' sorry fa me. ah'm ma ole wo'min. ah've lived mah life. ah'm notta lonely wo'min. lone'ness iz ah state ah' min'. an' ah ain't got dat state 'n mah min'. jus' yit. always had mah thangs, ya know, mah share. ah've lived. even if 'n fear. ah've lived. ah've had family, friends an' love at dif'rent times 'n mah life. but mah bigges' struggle wuz jus' learnin' ta luv me. could nevah quite git dat one dere r'aight. life will giv' ya many 'speriences, ya jus' have ta chose da right lessin... sumthin', ah've nevah bin good at babee, sumthin'.... ah've, nevah bin good at. learnt much too late fa my likein', das ahl." she turns slightly to her left, allowing her voice to journey along the dust tracks to the corner of the small room. there rests shattered colors and scar tissue framed neatly along top a dresser. she smiles softly in their direction with conflicted solace. i am unable to recognize her seemingly affectionate gaze, as one of my own. yet, the feeling overwhelmed me."ah don't 'no if it wuz upbringin', loss, 'r gain dat taut me mos'. az a child, ah los' jus' 'bout ev'rythin', an' ev'ryone dat i believed evah luv me. dey simply walk out or died. an', let me tellya, don't let noone tellya dere's a difference. 'cuz it ain't. ah learnt dat peoples leave early 'n mah life. ah also learnt dat dey will dis'point ya. seem like leavin' an' dis'pointment wuz mo' like family den mah blood kin. so ah learnt real quick notta put too much stock 'n peoples. dat iffin ya wont anydang 'n dis here life, you hafta learn ta git it fo' yo'self. gots to be 'n control. gotta muddie yer feets, and callous yer hands.. 'cept, late' on, win ya ole like me, ya learn ya can't control nothin' sides you.. 'less, course ya willin' to fight. an' ah ain't nevah bin no fighta... ah'd like ta thank ah would iffin ah had ta.. ah'd put up a good front. ah'd stay, but 'n mah heart ah'd quit a long time 'go... guess, win it came r'aight down ta it.. nuthin' wuz really evah worff fightan' fo. guessin' das why noone evah really fot fa' me, ah rekon. ain't nevah fot fo' no man or wo'min fa dat matta. and chile, ah have a thurst. ah'm ma thrusty fa luv, lil like mos thrusty fa watta. bin dat wey since ah wuz a chile. guessin' no ma uh do dat der ta ya. so's ah lookit 'n otha peoples. neva made me fill no betta tho. guessin' dats why ah nevah had no chilin'. too hart fa 'em. me bein' dey ma an' all. an' ain't gone keep naw man 'roun' fah long e'ter.. hehehe.. peoples jus' git on mah nervs sumtime babee. but, ah've a'wayz bin thusrty fa luv. sumone ta luv me. so's one haz nevah bin 'nuff. seem likes dey sey one thang den do anutha. imma take careovya. imma do dis. imma do dat dere. an' me, well. ah starts out wit da bes' intentions, but ain't bin no good at finishin'. so we bof en' up not happy. and ah. well, like ah sed, ah needed mo. dat's all ah'll sey 'bout dat. guess, tho, jus' learnt it'z betta to be 'lone. ah ain't gone be lonelee wit sum damn body layin' up 'n mah bed. jus' learnt ya don't need no body but ya'self. Das' all ya really have 'n da en', jus' you an' God.'"thunder cracked, breaking my trance. i lay in cold sweat. in fear, i place my hand across my neck to feel the dampness of the welt from her noose.

Keep Your Head Up: Chaka Khan

When your heart is free.
It’s easy to make a decision.
When your head is clear.
You know you have good judgement
But when your life is turning topsy turvey
And you have no reasons for what’s disturbing
Remember these words my father said to me
He said: Keep your head up don’t say you love him (Keep your head)
Walk away from all that has hurt you (Find your power)
Find your power you know your strong
Make that step and it will help you along
When your mind's at peace (at peace)
Sleep comes so very peacefully
When you start to dream
They are wonderful and so very sweet
But when your life is turning topsy turvey
And you have no answers for what’s disturbing
Remember these words a preacher said to me
He said: Keep your head up don’t say you love him (Keep your head up)
Walk away from all that is hurting (Find your power)
Find your power you know your strong (Take that step)
Make that step and it will help you along
Why give up this time you can win (You can win)
Why give up this battle is within (Is within)
Why stay when you don't know what he's gonna do
Why choose him when its time to choose you
Keep your head up don’t say you love him
Walk away from all that is hurting
Find your power you know your strong
Make that step it will help you along
Keep your head up

Funky Mike and I are EXPECTING!!!!!!

YOU TO COME OUT AND SUPPORT!!!!!

Missing In Action; Don't think I ain't grateful

01) a home to run to: beautiful brown eyes and strong arms to hide in and forget the insanity around me....

02) going with you to find your new home and watching you grab your piece of the world! i can say i knew you when...

03) finding unsettling solace in silence only to remember i have a voice and a choice.

04) a wonderful lesson in knowing we can never go back there again. i think you may be stuck with me. sister friends forever, huh?

05) a quote texted to me last Thursday night.

06) sitting in the scorching heat last Friday afternoon with my father:brother:man and his fam. TWEET WE SAW A GIRL RUN AN 11.15!!!! and speaking of the heat, aren't we glad i borrowed the paper towels from the Women's restroom.

07) a poetry dinner that reminded of somethings.. and showing me that i have indeed grown the hell up. thanks JOSH!!!!!!!

08) the discovery of SIMONE... Dang Nina, Lisa Celeste is the BOMB (ears and eyes).

09) not blowing my top when in "tipsiness" he thought he was telling em something I didn't know.

10) that she trusts me enough...

11) remembering the words "in the beginning." because we can all start over, and for those who want to remind you where you once were, tell them they could always join you. 'cuz only an ass would hate on you for growing... for real....

12) happiness, did i say that already? i'm learning to find it through tears, 'cuz at least i care enough to hurt, and damn it i can feel so that means i'm alive? right?



and you know there is no 13...only G.O.D. good orderly direction thanks for your continued guidance and blessings....

Lessons on Silence continued from Monday

"In the end, we will remember the silence of our friends." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
I'm sorry I let you down. This is a difficult lesson and a jagged pill to swallow.

"You're silence will not protect you." Audre Lourde
Some one told me that you never see a fish on the wall with his mouth closed. So I thought.. well, it doesn't matter what I thought. It's what I didn't say that matter most.

"As we must account for every idle word, so must we account for every idle silence." Benjamin Franklin
I am accountable.

Poetry You Matter... There. I said it.

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." Martin Luther King, Jr.
when all is said and done, perhaps someone will remember, in the beginning, in the beginning, in the beginning there was the "WORD" and it was good. while my pen is dry, heart beat indifferently numb, i still remember when it was good. and damn it was so good.

Monday's Wisdom

"the way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice."

Proverbs 12:15

i have found that in my times of true insanity, i can always find someone to validate my thoughts and feelings. the true test of wisdom is to branch out and seek counsel from someone who: 1) has nothing to gain from my insanity and 2) is not seeking anything from me in return to validate my insanity. we can make anything we do or think, just and right; however, the most difficult task is dealing with the consequences of seeking and acting upon it. even more daunting is the recognition and acceptance that when it all falls a part, the fool is in fact, you.

Stacye!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS GRADUATE!!!

YOU ARE NO LONGER AN LVN.

My Younger Sister Stacye was pinned and is now an RN!!!

YOU GO GIRL!

Where I Am

Let's see. This year has been so f'ingtastic. For real. Five months into the year, I honestly believe I am gracefully facing those things that are most important, and how I would love to be remembered. Prayerfully, anyway. I mean, okay, let's say this is a five month thankful list. Not in any order.

• Say Anything Open Mic and Under 21 Youth Slam. They are the polar opposites of each other, yet, if you are to be an instrument of change you must strive to make that which exists better. In addition, be willing to step out and create the proto-type of what you believe to be the future. So what Mike and I have is an open mic for youth, driven by youth. I mean a youth will host! A youth will DJ (if we can find someone)! Youth will feature! (with the occasional youth driven adult). There will be words, music and mayhem! For real. I AM SOOOOO EXCITED. Did I say I was EXCITED!!!!
• My Community of Fam. Like, I have created a bond with the Phil Jackson of Slam Poetry. And I love 'im to freaking death. I mean he is selfless in his drive to improve the divide within the poetry community and helping youth through cultural exposure and expression of self. My domino/card partner, am so glad things are starting to fall into place. For real. Never again. My Poet in Law. Yes, you will always be that. Thick and thin. Angel/Eb. You already know. G.O.D. gave me a sister from another Grandmuther, and a beautiful, sassy ass, driven niece. Cousin, just because you're MIA don't mean nothing. Find you. We all need to get away sometime. My trees. No we don't talk much don't mean a thang, we got it like that. HA! Ms. Jackson. Thanks for reminding me it's okay to dream and go after it. Langston, Lovie. KA. Fight like fam, love like fam, will always be just that, FAM. MASONS. Nothing else said. Copa. F'ing blogger world. Who would have known? Yes, I am that big sis to you my brother. Thanks for the trust and love. Element, thanks for giving me to fall in love words all over again. Angie (the freeness!), Shameless, Faye and Dave. Thanks for your words, humor and friendship. K.O.R.I.M. and Knowetic... HAHAHAHA why couldn't I be 18? C.M.B. Sr. (yea, I know your initials) and Crowtrain I pray I get to know you guys better. You are men among boys. For real. Good, bad, sad, mad or indifferent. You each and everyone of you are a big part of my life, and it wouldn't be the same journey without any of you.
• MY ELM. You'd kill me if I said too much. So that's all I will say. Except for this. "Hey..."
• Poetry, you are like an unfaithful lover. I can't let you go.
• Self. I am finding me again. A long journey, but it feels good to be in one's skin, loving what I see and feel.
• For not taking ______ into this year. For real, Angel that has to be the most powerful and refreshing mantra...
• Thy will be done.... For real, letting go of things I cannot control.
• My lane... and oh, my gosh how smooth the ride.
• Spirituality.. My quest is yielding some mad crazy results.

There is no 13.... I now introduce my self as (you know my government name). I came up with 13 a few years ago, because I suffered some serious losses. Losses I didn't think I could ever get past. I think by giving myself that name, I may have subconsciously created an energy that I didn't want.

I feeling good with k.i.(a)m. Cuz no matter what I want to keep it appropriately moving. For real.

There may be some life in poetry after all....

last night I went to my now second favorite venue in the ATX. THE VORTEX. i love spoken and heard (my favorite!!), my man, joe bizzle's joint. u can hear anything there! no seriously! it has that very creative vibe, makes you want to write atop napkins and shyt. it's free of egos, it's youthful, vibrant, expressive. i mean it just is..

so last night, i went to zell's venue. and i was like oh!my! gosh! i forgot how cool the vibe! i mean you have to know zell, really well. his venue doesn't represent the high energy he brings as an artist, it is best expressed through his love for the words and his craft. you can see it on his mile wide face. if you've ever seen him smile, under that scruffy moustache and beard dude's smile is beautifully warm and melting. for real! and those who know him knows he can become PRETTY DAMN passionate about what he loves. yet, it is absolutely refreshing to watch him fall in love all over again with just listening to poetry and chilling... for real. the features, well you already know. austin won't hurt for courageous voices for a very long time. believe me. they actually epitomized the energy in the room. just two dudes (maple sap and i an't got a sweet tooth for that!)

and it reminded me of why i started writing. and the hunrgy word loving crew i came up with. it reminded me of b's living room and dining area, before poetic house parties. back then yora was no different then harlem world new york. the renaissance (zora and langston) bleeker st. (baldwin and hansberry) or the black arts movement (sanchez, nikki and elderidge).

it reminded me of why i write.

If this is my last, let it be a prayer,
as in that first day.
when we were formless and empty.
when light was separated from darkness.
earth from water.
substance from pretense.
when you graced purity upon lips
holiness in spirit
and we exhaled your praise.
a burnt offering
placed at our feet
sacrificing all that you knew
to be true.
you removed prose from your soul
as rib from man,
scriptures from the apostles

monday wisdom

... I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind. For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.

Ecclesiastes 1:17-18.

never strive to know anyone better then you know yourself. yet always count on them to be true to themselves, as you, too, shall be true to you.

Everything is exactly the way it should be...

I often wonder how some people can walk away from a life they've always known. Some do it angrily, suggesting that they cannot continue. Can't live with the embarrassment, pain or shame. They simply run, only to run into themselves moments, days, weeks, months, or maybe years later. Others walk away dignified. They do so fearlessly, with grace and class. They look life in the eye and ask "what's next?" Say a simple prayer, "Thy will be done." Inhale deeply. "SNIFFFFF". Exhale exuberantly. "WHOOOOOO." And look forward to the possibilities of all that is possible.

I want to be one of those people.

No I am one of those people.

goodbye....

many thanks

01) i feel lighter, free....
02) jazz, wine, poetry and team-mate/friends.
03) that she is growing into her own. public speaking, well deserved accolades, and job interviews. prayerfully love is on her horizon as well. she deserves it all.
04) incrEBONY. that one word to describe you. Good job acting in the play, I hate you had to be that hussie! (LOL) and you are doing that thing teacher teacha!
05) the board and devotion to a mission. i will give of myself this year, selflessly.
06) a well written, beautifully directed play! you are very talented. and not that you need it, but I am proud you stepped out on YOUR faith, and taught us all a lesson in following our dreams. i am happy to have witnessed your arrival, and can say i was there for the first run!
07) Saturday doing nothing and everything every moment with you.
08) can you SAY ANYTHING!!!!!
09) HIS PROMO! Miss Cellie, he'z da boss now!!!!
10) okay, i can say i witnessed 4 slam champs.... for real.
11) new found love for reading. I HAVE TIME ON THE PLANE!
12) phone calls to my Dad.
13) Good Orderly Direction. keeping it moving.

menu: pan seared tilapia, seafood stuffing, with a beautiful mixture of wax beans, green beans and parisienne carrots. jazz. wine. brown eyes and a smile. a great send off. be back tomorrow.

My Hair....

It was said that the wearer lived a "dread" life or a life in which he feared God, which gave birth to the modern name 'dreadlocks' for this ancient style......

My hair meant, and still means a lot to me. I just needed to make a change in my life. I had begun to make significant changes in my life, all for the better; however, I still lacked the spirituality needed in order to become whole. That idea of G.O.D. fearing has not sunk in. I still believe I can control other people, places and things. I believed that I had forgiven people and forgotten things, I hadn't. I've been better with my tongue, yet I'm not where I want to be. I needed to let some things go. Begin to cleanse my surroundings and the TEMPLE called ME.... Desperately wanting change, and wanting a statement to solidify that change I decided to cut away the last three years of my life. Not wanting to change or forget any of those moments. I want to learn from those years and make better future choices. I made some rather interesting choices and while, things seem okay and going well, I have a few regrets... And for a lack of imagination, I could not wash them out of my hair... Couldn't let go.

I needed to do the unthinkable, the unimaginable. let go and pray. I wanted Cassandra Wilson locks since the day I saw hers, and damn if I wasn't on my way! Yet you have to make sacrifices in order to grow. I want to live up to my potential. I still have my eyes on many prizes. The spiritual, physical and mental.

The hair cut wasn't thought out, I just did it. Now the weight. Putting down the extras that I use to make me "feel" better. Do not allow people, things or substance to fill voids only G.O.D. can fill. Another life lesson.

I love everyone's attention, and acknowledgement of the new do. I want to change, protect me, and set healthy boundaries...

With that being said... no offense, but let's keep our hands to ourselves and out of my hair.

Please...

Another sister and I were talking about it, and I am flattered that it seems, ugh, touchable... Yet, it's kind of like touching my ass... And I would never want you to do that unless we were intimate. Some of you will know what I'm talking about, some of you won't...

But I pray for simple overstanding. I do not want to have to deal with anyone being offended by my request. Or believing they are different.

Okay? This isn't to any one person. It's not directed at anyone. It is a public announcement.

love you all....