I Took My Hands Off The Bar, Screamed My Ass Off.. Now What?

"I rode your fucking ride and all I got was a sore throat."
paraphrase from my girl Discontent
"Then you rode for all the wrong reasons. Love is not selfish. Someone once said, we love because it is the only true adventure...."
retort.....
"I've climbed that mountain, my feet are blistered.. Can you rub 'em a bit? And by the way, you got something for these ant bites?"
paraphrase from my girl Want Too Much Too Quick.....
"I never asked for the mountain. I only asked for your time."
retort....

"She believes she's released her hands from the bar. Problem is, she's not mature enough to realize that if you keep your hands, or any part of your body clutched and your mind locked, in a single position, if you do it long enough.... it eventually becomes an essential part of who you are. So, I asked, how can you hold your true love, if your hands are wrapped around a lie that your mind won't let go of...."

Fade2Black
dial tone
speed dial: 108
ring. ring. ring.
"Wattupp?"
"What's up."
"Nothin'."
"Why are you at home on a Saturday night?"
"No where to go. No one to hang with."
"You still hanging out with..."
"Naw. Too much trouble. Too many problems. Unfaithful. Drinks too much. Smokes. Shall I go on? Besides, I'm not really feeling..."
"Well, what about..."
"Lives out of town. Too fcking young. Goofy. Not my type."
"What about..."
"Young. Unfaithful. Wild. Just wants to screw. Looking for a rescuer. I am not a fcking life jacket."
"Damn. You gotta stop looking for perfect. I mean, from what I can see, you got people who like you. Why don't you just go out? You don't have to spend your life with them."
"Cuz. I got standards. I want love."
"You never give anyone a chance. What if one of them were actually love."
"Cuz I just know. I don't want to waste my time. When I find it I will know. Doesn't matter, I am going to wait this time. Maybe a year before I hang out with someone seriously. I just don't think I can ever date, just to date."
"A year? Well you're not going to find anyone hanging out in your bedroom in front of the fcking t.v. What are you watching anyway, some reality bull.."
"Yea, I am. You know me. Strange Love with Flava Flav.... And I know I won't find anyone in my bedroom. It's just, I want love.. Real love... Just haven't found the one yet. Not in this lifetime. I explained to you a million times.. You've known since undergrad.... Before, in some life, I had this perfect love. We will meet again. I thought I found that love, at least twice. And you know about them. Hell, each time, I was disappointed. They were lies, posing as my truths...."
"What makes you think there is a one? I mean what if there are two, three, even four, loves for you to have in this life.."
"Suppose your monkey ass believed in something other then getting laid."
"That's fcked up."
"Is it?"
"We're here to procreate... We are sexual beings.... Why you deny it. I don't know, knowing all too well.... "
"Really? Procreate? There's only one bible that uses the word procreation. I bet you never heard of it. Holman Christian Standard. Besides, what the fck are you talking about? Your horny ass don't even have kids.."
BOTH LAUGH
"You know what I mean though."
"Yes, I know. But it doesn't change anything. I won't go there unless I love you."
"Whatever. I know you better then you think. You are sneaking and getting a little sumpin' some where.."
Laughing... "You don't know me until you know my darkest secret. I know you know some secrets. But not that many. And the first mention of your procreation has to do with greatly multiplying your pain, sorrow, and something literally jacked up. Biblically speaking women are not suppose to be sexual beings. Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you. That is not my idea of love. I am sexual. I just want sex and love."
"But you do believe that good sex can make you believe you're in love, don't you?"
"You are stoopid! It might make YOU say "I LOVE YOU' but not me. I do know the difference."
"Look. I'm not looking for good sex. Wait, you know what I mean, it is an added bonus. It can help you get your resume reviewed, maybe promoted from temp to permanent.."
BOTH LAUGH
continued "......I'm looking for the total package. I don't just want some one. I want the ONE. I want butterflies, stupid anniversaries, calls for no reason, secret glances and little codes on my phone, I wan..."
"Dressing alike? Please don't tell me that shyt."
"Why are you selling you and your exes clothes?"
BOTH LAUGH
"Yea right. You are a fool. Aren't you afraid that you're going to be alone? I mean that's a tall order. People don't love like that anymore. My parents have been married for nearly 45 years, and they walk around here looking at each other sideways."
"I could only pray to have the same person loving my dumb ass that long. So a sideways glance after 45 years.... that sounds cool."
"I think that's unrealistic for you. We haven't gotten to your list yet. And you have a bunch of dumb ass rules no one could ever possibly get past. I think you set yourself up for failure."
"Naw, my true love is coming. I just gotta be patient and wait. And when I find it, I will work hard to maintain it, hold on to it."
"Apples and deep brown eyes. You might not get it this time."
"Apples and deep brown eyes. You remember."
"I'm suppose to, how long have we been friends?"
"19 years in August, too damn long."
"Me, 26 year, and 24 year are the few that can put up with you and your crap."
"Whatever. You love me."
"For life."
"But you know me. Anyway, I've changed it to mangos. Not to make it sound so sacra religious, ya know what I mean? But yes, I want that original, pure, biblical type of love... Before knowledge... When we loved when our eyes were closed.. Unconditional. Loving for the sake of the loving... I know you got something planned for the evening."
"I do. But we needed to catch up."
"What you doing tonight? I can live vicariously thru you. Who's your hostage this time? You still messing with..."
"Unfortunately, yes. There's no one else here, unless I go to San Antonio. And you know I can't..."
"'Cuz you need to be still. Stop messing with everybody.."
"Not everybody!"
"You know what I mean."
"Yea I know. But I'm cute..."
"I'm cute, I'm not insecure so you know I don't have ugly friends. You going across, then?"
"Yea. Check out some bars and get something to eat. You should come down next week."
"I will, but I'm waiting until the summer. It's too cold."
"But it's not cold here. You got excuses."
"Naw not excuses. My car, and I got.."
"Whatever, what ya doing for your birthday? I haven't forgotten."
"Nothing. They're trying to throw some surprise party. But the person they asked to trick me into going out, told me about the party. So there goes the surprise. I really don't want to go. But they're cool and it's all good. Have a drink for me."
"I will have at least two. Cruzan?"
"Yes. Straight shot, mango flavored. See ya."
"Holla."
"Out."
Dialtone.

January 22, 2005
dialtone
speed dial: 108
"What's up?"
"Found the brown eyes..."
"Did you?"
"I think so..."