Friday.....

where you been all my life?

Bismillah (thankful prayer)

In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful...
I know you have been working on my emotional health and spirit. I continue to fight the idea of what's just and right, the judgement of others, my righteous indignation, false accusations and outright lies. I know that going "underground" is not the best way to handle things as it leaves questions regarding my character and genuineness. However, I am tired of taking the "high road" and not responding to critics and defending myself.

Today, I have faith that I don't have to and will not resort to behaviors that are inconsistent in what you have placed in my heart, mind and soul.

I pray for the strength to continue to walk with my head held high, knowing there is my side, another's side and your path. While my feet have grown weary, please continue to guide me as I walk this path of redemption, re-birth and growth.

Thanks for all the lessons (by act, person or possession) you have placed before me. I live without regret as I know everything that has happened as lead me to this place.

In other words, I thank you for this space, this place.

I open my heart and mind to G(good) O(orderly) D(direction) as I know I will be granted your G(grace) given many O(opportunities) to fulfill my D(destiny).

kdtaylor

Question..

Never let anyone question you or your integrity... The response is as relative to the questioner's ability to be honest with themselves...Honesty is a two way mirror or a double edged sword. There is an element of dishonesty in their ability to determine, judge and question who YOU are. Simply put arguing who you are with anyone aside from you is like arguing with a fool... UNKNOWN

wishing wells...

prayer has taught me to abandon the idea of wishing wells...
there is no change in exchange for the change granted through faith...
wishing wells are much to shallow to hold blessings as abundant as joy, hope, love, & forgiveness...
i have wished and placed change in many wells..
then i started to pray...
i don't want to be reminded of what pennies have gotten me...
i know that they were necessary
yet i will sing praises to what i have gained through prayer..
and this is just the obvious...

This is ME now: dIscoverIng.....

Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging


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Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.

"There's something rotten in Denmark." Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.

Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

Functional Analysis:

Introverted iNtuition
Introverted intuitives, INFJs enjoy a greater clarity of perception of inner, unconscious processes than all but their INTJ cousins. Just as SP types commune with the object and "live in the here and now" of the physical world, INFJs readily grasp the hidden psychological stimuli behind the more observable dynamics of behavior and affect. Their amazing ability to deduce the inner workings of the mind, will and emotions of others gives INFJs their reputation as prophets and seers. Unlike the confining, routinizing nature of introverted sensing, introverted intuition frees this type to act insightfully and spontaneously as unique solutions arise on an event by event basis.

Extraverted Feeling
Extraverted feeling, the auxiliary deciding function, expresses a range of emotion and opinions of, for and about people. INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor. Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies. Such confidants are chosen with care, for INFJs are well aware of the treachery that can reside in the hearts of mortals. This particular combination of introverted intuition and extraverted feeling provides INFJs with the raw material from which perceptive counselors are shaped.

Introverted Thinking
The INFJ's thinking is introverted, turned toward the subject. Perhaps it is when the INFJ's thinking function is operative that he is most aloof. A comrade might surmise that such detachment signals a disillusionment, that she has also been found lacking by the sardonic eye of this one who plumbs the depths of the human spirit. Experience suggests that such distancing is merely an indication that the seer is hard at work and focusing energy into this less efficient tertiary function.

Extraverted Sensing
INFJs are twice blessed with clarity of vision, both internal and external. Just as they possess inner vision which is drawn to the forms of the unconscious, they also have external sensing perception which readily takes hold of worldly objects. Sensing, however, is the weakest of the INFJ's arsenal and the most vulnerable. INFJs, like their fellow intuitives, may be so absorbed in intuitive perceiving that they become oblivious to physical reality. The INFJ under stress may fall prey to various forms of immediate gratification. Awareness of extraverted sensing is probably the source of the "SP wannabe" side of INFJs. Many yearn to live spontaneously; it's not uncommon for INFJ actors to take on an SP (often ESTP) role.

Famous INFJs:
Nathan, prophet of Israel
Aristophanes
Chaucer
Goethe
Robert Burns, Scottish poet

U.S. Presidents:
Martin Van Buren
James Earl "Jimmy" Carter
Nathaniel Hawthorne
Fanny Crosby, (blind) hymnist
Mother Teresa of Calcutta
Fred McMurray (My Three Sons)
Shirley Temple Black, child actor, ambassador
Martin Luther King, Jr., civil rights leader, martyr
James Reston, newspaper reporter
Shirley McClain (Sweet Charity, ...)
Piers Anthony, author ("Xanth" series)
Michael Landon (Little House on the Prairie)
Tom Selleck
John Katz, critic, author
Paul Stookey (Peter, Paul and Mary)
U. S. Senator Carol Moseley-Braun (D-IL)
Billy Crystal
Garry Trudeau (Doonesbury)
Nelson Mandela
Mel Gibson
Carrie Fisher
Nicole Kidman
Jamie Foxx
Sela Ward
Mark Harmon
Gary Dourdan
Marg Helgaberger
Evangeline Lilly
Tori May

This is ME.... now

Introverted iNtuiting Feeling Judging
by Marina Margaret Heiss
INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.

In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

September................

Thank you G.O.D.

I made it through another one....

It was bitter and painful.....

As always, it involved significant loss....

this time i lost a part of me I want ghost forever.....

goodbye 13 the unlucky and bad enough to pull it off....... i don't need you anymore.....

this is me NOW... 13 can't be divided, almost got one more up my sleeve, a little extra (i.e. baker's dozen) and a little odd....

my village, you came and visited.... you showed and told me...your presence has been felt and heard... and yes, i will embrace my "paranoia" as there are things in this world i cannot face, mental illness helps ME sustain... and the people (what people) i (are you sure) need in my life today (i thought you meant tomorrow), accept me (ARE YOU SURE) and this illness (no REALITY) ROTFLMAO... I slay myself..

i no longer need a persona to hide behind, just a cool moniker i can't quite leave behind..

you have brought me home...

WELCOME OCTOBER........... and the sweet Autumn breeze..

weendend gurlzzz

F'ing GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREATTTTTTTTTTTT Weekend!!!!!

airing dirty laundry

You want to air dirty laundry. There is no dirt here. I have nothing negative or hurtful to do or say.

I have always been a private person. If left up to me, I’d still be the socially awkward teenager who sat obscurely in the backdrop of the background. Seriously.

Not 13 the fcking poet that every one thinks they know. Not 13 the “host” of Neo-Soul. Not “Kim” your ex. Not the “Kim” that everyone thinks “they know”. ‘Cuz they don’t. They know only what I’ve allowed them to “create in their minds” and the “one” I allowed you to humiliate and manipulate time and time again.

No more. This is me.

In the last few weeks, I’ve allowed you to transform into the martyr needed to rally troops to your side. Victim is not your size or color, you don’t wear it well at all, it clashes against your brashness. (Always one of your better attributes.) Funny how wrong always needs something to convince “IT” that “IT” is right. Funnier, how people who were sooooooo happy for me, are now sooooooooo sad for you. I believe my happiness should never be at your expense. And nothing was done to hurt you, purposely.

Each “abandoned allegiance/defection” has given you the diluted vigor you need to “fuel your unjust truth and indignation. (Please note the quotation marks as anyone who discussed ME/US with YOU was NEVER MY FRIEND in the first place.) However, instead of allowing people to take advantage of you and your situation, I beg of you to look at the messenger(s). These people are no more interested in you and your “plight” than they were while we were together. They are only interested in making themselves feel and look better. Something, if you were in your “right” mind you could see.

There is no preconceived idea that there are "haters" or people that don't want me to be happy. I live by the idea that people are people and they do what they do. I don't have to participate in it or like it.. We are selfish and self seeking in nature. I am not trying to be the envy or darling, let alone a victim or victimizer in anyone’s eye, just trying to get on with my life; very privately!

Hurt people hurt people. I have never been into the business of hurting you; then and especially right now. I am not hurt. Saddened by your and other’s behavior. I will; however, continue to practice being the ME I was before I met any of YOU. The Kim who showed up to poetry consistently wearing a holey sweater, the sweaty palmed me who drove a banged up Jetta, the one people thought worked for Fed-Ex, and had a LIFE outside of watchful eyes; the Kim who kept those things most dear and sacred PRIVATE. And the people who really know and have a relationship with me know how I treat her is nothing new. It's how I treat them. I match the same love, respect and admiration. Example: When am I or have I ever been afraid to show Brian how I feel about him?

This is the last thing that can be reported to you. No more blogs and facebook updates for the DUPLICITOUS. I am sticking to the people who I know have always had my best interest at heart. I will protect myself and those I love. I don’t want another PUBLIC relationship. Let alone a PUBLIC break-up. Please get these people out of “(Y)OUR BUSINESS”, and I do mean yours ‘cuz they don’t know what the hell is going on in mine. Every argument, fight, make up, break up… Someone somewhere feels they have something to say or something at stake. In the end there will only be you and I….

Licking wounds, swallowing pride, wiping tears….

I believe you treat people with the same dignity, love and respect exiting the relationship as you did going into it. Oddly this is indicative of how we enter our relationship what bitter justice for it to end this way: MESSY! Sad and true. Yet.

I never wanted it to end this way. I had hoped we, or at least I could avoid the slanderous comments and oft put behaviors your ex experienced during the relationship's demise. However, given the current course, not only will I experience some of it, it will also involve people who aren't interested in the truth, only participating in the perpetuation of a lie. I, on the other hand will make sure the right people are involved… It will never be anyone I call friend, as friends know break-ups are as personal as relationships. My friends know to stay clear, as I, like YOU bear responsibility in this nonsense.

So you just keep rallying your "friends"…

And I will do what I do best. Taking the pot/cheap shots. Privately experiencing my array of emotions. Calling upon and rallying the village inside me. That’s all I really need, that is all I will ever need.

Take care and be well…

kdtaylor

thank u for being u...

01) for family, friends, and frenemies.
02) for not being bitter or angry, just done...
03) for tears that flow to water under bridges. It's all water under the bridge, yet I would have never thought WE would end that way..
04) long weekends and get aways..
05) grace, opportunity and destiny
06) a family that prays together (stays together)
07) learning what love acts, feels, looks and taste like
08) late night view of the second teeing box
09) a new meaning to soccer
10) learning me, learning you, learning us
11) good orderly direction
12) clarity
13) everything ain't for everybody, but you are best for me...

untittled

She said, “I love you.” And I could only drop my eyes from her gaze, my heart fell to my feet. I’d heard it before. I couldn't listen. Then she said, “there are no boundaries and definitions when it comes to you and I. We blend and meld like ice melts into water, the stars burn to gasses. We have a specific purpose in our love. We complete each and feed off of, one another. Baby, without you I cannot exist. Even opposites attract their equal. What is the sun without his moon? Heaven without Hell? We are infinite infinity, a circle turning round upon itself, the number eight. An apeiron! Baby, we are primal chaos! Our lives are bottomless chasms where we selflessly fall toward and for another endlessly one lifetime after another. You were practicing, going through the motions before me. I wanna live through you to grow to you. Yes, I know you’ve heard 'I love you" before.Yes, I know it's hard to believe. Yes, I know you think you know what I mean. I'm asking you to listen. I asking you to FEEL what I mean? Baby, do you feel me. I nodded and mouthed, “yes, Baby, I feel you."

My Favorite Auntie.... there's a party in Heaven right about now!!

Happy Birthday

Barbara Jo Moore aka Suzy!!!!!

love and STILL MISS YOU..

Nikki Harris (R.I.P.)

Sis... We had one extensive IM conversation. It was couple of weekends ago. You were funny and witty. You ribbed me about eating unhealthy foods while my girl was away. I told you that people loved and missed you as well as your words. Over the years, we've exchanged blog comments and read each others words/works. I was awed and, at times; envied your body of work. You were a fantastic writer. I promised to visit on at least two occasions. I never did. Will never get the chance. I am grateful that G.O.D. allowed us that last conversation. I will take it with me. Everyone questions.... I didn't have to know you well to cry and ask "why".

Sister.. you were funny, witty, creative, one of the best writers I know. You were laughter, insight, thought and an unfinished poem....

Sometimes the young flame out simply because they've impacted enough for for their legacy to live on... G.O.D. believed you've reached the masses, he longed for your touch and called you home. Rest Sister your work is done here....

kdt

BIG CHILL - Strength and Courage

"Being loved deeply by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." Lao Tzu

fridays...

she said i had to die, before i could live.... what she didn't know was i'd been through hell and back and back, and back again...

within hours before the day my eyes could adjust, not to the sight of,

but the idea of her...

september...

thoughts disguised as cirrus clouds chill high
above my mind
resting upon furrowed brow..
each drape curiously soft
like cherub fine curls atop my forehead.
i feel the flittered flutter of
my arch angel's wings
tickling my alter's cerebellum..
we tie feathers, heavy like our weights'
burden,
'round ankles
i skip
and he runs
upon water!
we punch drunk,
ignorance inebrieted
stumble in and out
of one schizophrenic thought to
the manic other.
i am clutching the
remnants of a smile
buried just before summer.
it is rotted and decayed
in the breeze i can smell death
oozing from the sweaty pores of
a life lost just past twilight.
hallowed breaths
race back into time
seeking solitude and loneliness
in the shadowed corner of her womb.
YET
there are cobwebs offering a sweeter
euthanasia
in exchange for her gestation.

contemplation thickens
mind fogs like stratus clouds
crawling across a midwestern skyline..
and i
feel the change of season upon my lips.
it blisters, chafes and chaps.
i once tasted the acridness in the sweetness
of an Indian summer.
chewed the fat with
this and that..
yet i
remained hungry..
famished,
as i have an appetite for autumn's destruction.
september
does not feed
it...

to be continued....

hurricane

she reminds me of thunderous booms and lightening strikes conducting an orchestra within the expanse. mystic misty tears float, coating the blandness within the atmosphere grey. i anticipate her arrival. i count; child like between each bombastic thud and crack of light in the sky. i feel her, long before i ever see her. her arms stretched toward the space between heaven and the last echoed beat of my mother's heart. and like my great grand's memory, until now, gut wrenching laughter and tears in the appreciation of heighten beauty were bits and pieces of a past hidden deeply within hued lavender and blues within the moon’s view. invisible to the naked eye. nonexistent, except in darkness. Her aura, a sycophancy of cumulus clouds and tinted moisture engulfs and lulls me; fawns the deep crimson and auburn of my locs, caresses my ears and sighs undertones audible only in frequencies transmitted between auspicious lovers clumsily fumbling with providence. six counts fade to three. the booming resonance and luminosity drape melancholy in a coat of contentment. Precipitation matures to rain and I am drenched. Covered in the spell of rain falls, vision fails as tears and drizzle meet to dance, again. I see her. she magnificent and majestically complex. she shape shifting colors, shapes and sound. she simply kaleidoscopic and I am engrossed. riveted, i hear colors and taste sound. i have never felt more alive. she my tempest, I am born in her downpour. three fades to one.. BOOM

My Muse.....

I, molten rock, cooled 2 the amber hue of your tawny reds and browns. U wished me 2 & I transformed, fixated on what you needed me 2 become. & I am your thick, rich, fertile, soil allowing U 2 move me, mature me, bear fruits that can only be toiled thru OUR labor.. No, I need not be a weed or flower blowing frailly in the breeze! I shall be sturdy, strong sustaining your rooted faith which grows through me

u the epitome of femininity. desires slip thru careless hands and fingers yearning 4 salvation. Pleading 4 deliverance from murderous desirous intent. a love many men have laid their lives, thrusts swords thru souls, used words 2 pierce bleeding, shattering hearts. How do I call out to, upon u; without the fate of the moon? I, destined 2 cloak, hang, in obscure, utter darkness. separated from my equal, my sun..

in sweet slumber & quiet of night they bond like infinity. at twilight, Luna's charm releases two spirits from one soul; like summer's dew sprinkles upon multi-colored confetti fields of dandelions, grass and lilacs. toes, feet, and legs trickle gingerly upon eqyptian cotton sheets. The brown in their eyes lovingly embrace, long before their arms unfold. lips connect til tint of night peaks at dawn. At first light reluctant, spirited soul bow, bend, melt, soften, and detach intricately, angered by the command of the sun. each beseeching nightfall, yearning to unite and meld once more by the subtle beckoning of the moon.

wear me like your favorite scent. daub me n places others dare dream. supplely stain the lobes of ears with spiny top notes of bergamot & lemon grass. permit me 2 seduce your heart with middle notes of mango & cassis; balance us with instances & moments that reverb & loop, rhythmically n smoky, exotic base & bass guitar notes. the ardor of our fervor hidden, lingering, nourishing aromatically. u & i basic chemistry.

You hold me in hand like a faint whisper, pulling me gently to your mouth. I rest serenely upon the bud of your tongue. You birth me to voice. I am not words, simple utterances and wishes wrapped in tomorrow’s dream of tomorrow. Immortal, I am; as I seek solace and permanence within the moisture of your lips. I beg, no pray of you "dare not speak." we commune telepathically in the patois of ancient g.o.d.s, lost civilizations and mythologies. We are coupled in this lifetime, as we have copiously before. I have not learned you. I have known you. Been weakened by and devoted to you for ages. Before creation of space and time, I have been drunk from your reflection in the Andromeda galaxy. Sat silently while you weaved the tapestries of Greek architecture. With amusement, watched as you played in the sand creating Babel's Tower and the Egytian pyramids. Cried beside you upon g.o.d.'s return as man shunned and spurned his exsistence. I have known you, as I have loved you without barriers or discord. Permit me to bathe and soak in your beauty, if only for this moment. Then I shall slip away without persistence and perish. Give thanks and pray until we are united in our next life. So, right now, Baby, I implore you, "dare not speak."

Grateful...Thankful.. Appreciative..

growth thru pain

purging

the future

an old friend who made it back home

my village

my bloodblood disguised as friendsmy everything....

my every every things

And, yes......

G.O.D. Answers all prayers....

on trees and scripts..

you know that. now the world knows. i will always love you.... we are in transition.

i am loving her.... it is growing.

i love you, both. differently.

i have loved you, as you have loved me for a very long time. for so long that i, no, WE forgot who WE are... individually and collectively.

i am loving her and allowing her to love ME back to the ME i once was.... the one i forgot. the one that is easy and breezy. cool and calm... goofy. happy to be alive. just me.

yes, i was happy with you. my happiness has been redefined. as yours has....

no, it wasn't hers, yours, my or our fault... it's time and seasons. i will always love autumn.

you caught me at a time when i could not, would not love myself in a healthy manner. i really believed i could. i really wanted to. for that i am sorry.

she caught me at a time when i wasn't looking for anything. not one thing. and now, well. i have possibilities.

u and i took a chance. we took a huge chance. we were both hurt. i could never heal your pain. you could never love my hurt away. hurt people can't love until they heal. we had to grow through it. welcome to the other side of our hurt and pain. who would have thought this would be the result?

thanks for the healing... thanks for the shade. you are still my tree, my ELM. and i will never cut the branches or trim you back... only two things will remove you from my life. You or God.

it's been a long strange journey... it has been a bumpy ride. i wouldn't change it for the world..

it, our lives and where we go from here can only become strangely stronger.... no one defines us, they never have....

thank you for being my friend and supporting me... even when my path does not appear to include the "WE" we always envisioned..really..

thanks for allowing me to open another chapter in my life. no one but a FRIEND could do so.

i love you...