i've stopped running in sneakers,
cuz i'm still not as swift
as my last truthful thought.
no matter how swift i may be,
i can't chase you out my mind.
and i've tried.
you and me,
a game of hide and seek.
you embedded in memories and dreams
from past pass..
my first kiss.
u
first crush.
u
u first of all firsts.
yet
u weren't present,
and your presence is essential
to get pass my past..
you hide in
sticky heat..
melting fudgesicles and
hints of frozen cups.
double dutching
double dog dares
and i dare...
i'm thinking...
just wondering..
no poem.. this is nothing other than thoughts...
it took 4 years,
happy fathers day -
roy e. (father)
edward mc (pops)
trap francis (next lifetime dad)
hustle
springs!
copa
tony francis
langston - no you are not a father... you are sooooooooo much more!
and all my single mama's holding it down....
01) a visit from a friend from San Antonio. Her cuz was fiyah on the mic!
02) seeing him so friggin happy to host.
03) i got my bro joe bizzle back!!
04) for once, I'm not involved!!! Hell yea!
05) and no, never again. we are SISTERS..
06) Eb (& Snuff) and Angel Baby... what could i do without either of you, your friendship and love? thanks for nearly three years of lessons...
07) a journey to me... "I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me." what a beautiful view...
08) the (Sub)Urban Hangsuite.
09) intriguing opportunities...
10) starting over. our growth. perhaps we can say this is truly OUR first time?
11) grace, opportunity and destiny.
12) chucks, see you tuesday.
13) you, how would i know i was truly alive?
1. Seek contact. This is a bit counter-intuitive. If you don't like someone, you probably feel like avoiding that person, but because of the psychological phenomenon known as the mere exposure effect, we tend to like people better the more we see them.
2. Do nice things for that person. “We prefer to see those to whom we do good than those who do good to us,” as La Rochefoucauld observed.
3. Give that person a brief touch. Subliminal touching, i.e., touching a person so unobtrusively that it’s not noticed, increases people’s sense of well-being and positive feelings.
4. Lighten up. Joke about whatever annoys you, and if you can manage it, laugh about it with that person, or poke fun at your own reaction. Nothing neutralizes bad feelings like a good laugh. This can be tough, however.
5. Act friendly. We think we act because of the way we feel, but often we feel because of the way we act. So act the way you want to feel. This is uncannily effective—just try it.
6. Resist criticizing that person. When you voice your complaints, they assume a solidity in your mind that’s hard to eliminate. When your thoughts remain unspoken, they can more easily be changed.
7. Remember happy shared experiences. Recalling good times elevates mood and will help warm your feelings.
8. Be grateful. Reflecting on reasons to feel grateful, instead of reasons to be angry or annoyed, will help change your view.
courtesy of yahoo
"We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we'd rather have those because we've acted rightly"
Grand... you were sorely missed. Your first Great-Grand child graduated from High School.. It was pretty cool. Pooh Bear. A Man. And Very handsome indeed. 
Through life, on our journey from birth to death we walk very interesting paths to our destiny. One destination is well-being and contentment, the essence of happiness. As humans, we take very interesting paths to our personal happiness. Every once in a while we run into, and make rest stops at some of the most marvelous views and wonders this life has to offer. Here is one of the seven wonders of my life. I pray you enjoy your moments and your breath taking view as I am enjoying mine.
four of the fiercest young women in the world. for real...
This was our favorite meeting place. Before an angel's wings and a little balled up fist, we were two charming January Mofo's that shared a friendship. A bond. And a love of Chucks and Vee-Dubs.
We had, and continue to have a simple understanding, just laying low and being low key. Someone I could just be me and you could continue to grow into you. We found that in each other...
As life hits, and it does, we grow and move on. We fall in love (not with each other LOL!!) and begin our separate journeys. Never away from the friendship, just following the path that life takes us. We know that if the other ever needed a hand or a word, we'd be there.
Uncanny and true to us, our lives paralleled. We found ourselves making the same hard choices independent of conversations. We are also finding ourselves and better love along the way.
I can treat you as I have my life long friends. We don't have to talk everyday yet can answer the phone and pick up at the last moment we spoke or were together. That is the essence of a mature friendship. Thanks for being one of a handful.
I always give props to B-Langston, Angel, Eb and Chelle. You and the Kotalian mean as much to me, yet you have always been the one who would rather hang to the side until it was just our time. So forgive me for putting this out here....
I know you have cheered for me, as I have always cheered for you. No one understands our silence and unknowing glances. They don't have to. MOST IMPORTANTLY we do.
I look forward to continuing to cheer for you as you enter another phase in your life. You know I am always here. And prayerfully this time I get to be in the wedding. For real, you know!?! (I know you're a bit fearful, 'cuz I am just that CUTE... ROTFLMAO!!)
True to our goofy nature, I will leave you with this... our friendship can always be felt in the ayer!!!!!!
peace bug and love for chucks... we are all stars.
remembering a Lady always knows when to make an exit
There is a place in God's sun for the youth "farthest down" who has the vision, the determination, and the courage to reach it.
I know. I know. Not 2006 AGAIN... Yes, 2006 again. funny...
with all the things going on with me recently, i keep forgetting how i was fed.. what has sustained me. and i have to, despite everything that's going on with me have faith that i have only one person to answer to. it is the eyes of truth when i stare into my reflection. i have to remember that i am not perfect, yet there is g.o.d in me. just as (s)he is in others. i often want to forget a few of my truths as i don't like to remain in the past.
the biggest is my truth about trust. i don't trust.
i don't have that:
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
i mean i do. i do with the sex in the city we kilt the 4th b crew. i do with langston. adrienne. my sister.
yet i struggle, particularly when my life tightens, i.e. things change quickly and i can't take the time to figure it out, i simply snatch what i don't have time to think about, evaluate, re-evaluate, investigate, or revisit out of my life. i don't want to have to deal with "trust" issues.
there's where it is shaky. a few things have happened over the last week. most importantly, my job and the Under 21 team. which among very few things aside from my "partnership/companionship/friendship" and family vie for all of the attention in my life.
my youngest sibling, BJ called last week saying he "may move to San Antonio". i receive a text yesterday saying he is moving from north carolina to san antonio and BTW "sis, i need your help getting an apartment." my co-worker saga, which by all accounts i have handled well since i have been given an interim supervisory role. two close friends have had deaths in their family (which always freaks me the heck out) so i sit and ponder my choices and my mortality. people have entrusted their children to me. shelia has entrusted her daughter's legacy upon me.
i live alone. and i am the sole breadwinner. there is no one or thing to fall back on. and i had plans. big plans. now.
and none of them included dealing with trust issues! not right now. LIFE HAS BEEN SO SWEET. And I don't want to swerve from my lane.
now, i must look trust square in the eyes. and i have to trust myself to remain committed to my safekeeping, my word, my world and my integrity. there are too many people depending on me. i cannot trust those i do not trust to do that for me. i have to remain steadfast on the things that are most important.
that sounds strange. yet it is my truth. i am like a baby or a fool. i am always looked out for, faith is highly in my favor. truly. and despite the bad i can see in myself and others, i am truly an optimist when i have the time.
i don't have that time. if i take the time i may be homeless, not eat, be careless with someone's child or my word. my village taught me more than that. my family and friends remind me of that.
i started with a full stomach forgets how it's fed. i've had some shaky moments these last few days. i've wanted to dive in. make things my concern. it was momentarily enticing. i hit a curb, not a bump in the road! i cannot let these moments and days define who i am.
the last year , i have feasted upon positivity and prayer. if not, i may be stuck in some rut and would have never: developed one of my most cherished female friendships with a Butterfly, two promotions, two kick ass vacations, stepped away from people and things i love, obtained the sex in the city we kilt the 4th loving friendship, a thorough understanding of my confusing relationship with Langston, my family, and that damn ELM tree, as well as learned to smile through these f'ing braces! with that i am full... yet i am hungry, but not for disaster.
and while i am not as hungry as i once was, i am not full. and i will not forget that which continues to sustain me....
