E. Zora Knight

My photo
a special order, straight queer and strong black.

2008-01-31

The Hiatus

I have made personal decisions to move in a different direction. Vowed to live my life differently. Not take the mistakes of the past into this year. As a dear friend reminded me through his jewel of a Mother's words. "Your future is brighter than your past." I know that; however, keeping that focus in mind when you are in the midst of a personal storm is confusing and difficult. My perception hasn't always been clear, as my mind has been clouded, fogged, by things that really, in the big picture of my life. Isn’t any of my business nor is it my problem.
Some will read this, and read through the lines. Believing some how they will know exactly what is going on with me. What is wrong with me. The issue is, nothing's wrong and everything's wrong. Nothing is perfect, yet everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be, perfectly imperfect in its imperfections.
I have made mistakes in my life, and it appears as if the poor choices in my past, whether it’s an action or thought, have led to this moment. A moment of constant clarified uncertainty. I am not in any way regretful of my choices. I have lived, interestingly of course, yet I have lived. Seemingly, I have made decisions and made choices to behave a certain way in my life which I believed would shield and protect all that I love and hold dear. Yet this is not the case. Truthfully, I placed myself in a cocoon. Where everything is connected, and honestly, I really don't like the two degrees of separation in my life.
I love compartmentalization. My work life does not meet my personal life. Unless I make that choice. And once my extra curricular activities did not meet my personal life. Unless I made that choice. My home life did not meet my extra curricular activities or my work life. Unless I wanted to or made that choice. Lately things have melded together. And I don't recall willingly making that choice. I wake up, and people are somehow in my space. Not by my invitation, but their insistence. Not by my invitation, but casually participating in activities/things we have in common and somehow believing it to more. I have also allowed others to make that choice whether it was me "worrying" about their feelings or the "issues" it would cause because we traveled in the same circles. However, after much consideration, I've recognized we don't travel in the same circles. We just happen to have things in common. And if we see each other frequently because of those commonalities, it's cool. It is by chance, our common interests placed us in situations where we bonded on a friendly level, but it was never meant to be anything more than friendly. And friendly, does not always equate my personal space, i.e. my home.
My home life is sacred. The nature of my relationship does not afford me the same luxuries as others. We are not, nor have we ever wanted to be a public couple. And truthfully, I don't want to share that level of intimacy or give everyone a glimpse our personal space. I have learned that having your relationship under constant scrutiny causes problems. Every argument, problem, kiss, hug, sullen, silent moment, becomes a topic of discussion. And oh my gosh, you can never break up or move past that relationship because it becomes everyone's f'ing break-up. Not because people are "looking for something to talk about", it's just a natural instinct. I mean, they've seen and been involved in so much it feels "personal".
I say all of this because that fine line between my intimate relationships, my home, my free time, my everything, has been blurred. I don't think I should ever have to explain why I do anything, unless a) you are ELM, b) you are a Judge in a Court of Law, or c) You are G.O.D. I have always been clear about who I am. I am a very complicated, moody, personal, quirky woman. Who no longer wants to live in this blurred reality.
Lastly, I care for and love my poetry, personal, and life-long, friends. Each has a place in my world, and I have a place in yours. I am, in most cases, keenly aware of my place in your world, and I pray that you are also aware of your place in my world. You have caused me to learn so much about myself as a person, and as a Woman. And I love the kinship we have built and continue to foster.
Some of you will read this and know EXACTLY how I feel. You know that I am striving to do so much for myself outside of the obvious places we see and meet each other. We've had conversations at Cheddar's by chance (LOL), tearful confessions, and honest conversation. Others will read it and call someone and ask what was she talking about? The need to call someone you believe knows the answer should help you in discerning the difference between friends and acquaintances.
As we discussed, by chance yesterday in two different conversations, "I refuse to take fill in the blank into my fill in the blank year." I will add this though, I pray I take all I consider and hold dear into the New Year with a clear definition of the roles and places we have in each others lives.
Peace...

2008-01-20

2008-01-16

thankful

I am thankful for everything. I can't think of a single thing that I am more grateful for or of over another. This has been a pretty good week.
Considering...
I just know I'm gonna have a good weekend. And I'm looking forward to it.
Soooooo.....

2008-01-15

a poem for whoever needs it.

she holds light in hands,
speaks the secret language of raindrops
and smiles a million thunderstorms
to wash my blues away…
sunshine springs from hugs
hidden behind clouds
drenched in sorrow,
to water the flowers
that grow in the blink
of her eyes.
I tenderly pick
each and every one.
as if they were a small
piece of her mind
and for a moment,
I invincibly contain
her thoughts.
make her wishes come true.
until the petals fall
like light of day
at the edge of night.
predictable.
inevitable.
in my dreams,
she rises in the swell
of twilight.
creating rainbows in
syllables and prose.
coloring me
with every word she speaks.
I know no hues of sadness.
her whispers,
silence
echoes that question
the core of my being
I am stilled.
she moves like
midtown taxi
erratically racing
atop paved emotions
oft stalling at red lights.
held slight upright
by cracked asphalt
and concrete tombs
disguised as my world.
a world
which has fallen upon
the quiet noise,
a quickened sound
of flash
‘tween red and green.
stuck somewhere cautiously
on the yellow of her light
and the speed of my mental
braces..
pauses.
then comes to a
screeching halt.
she holds light in hand.
it moves from
green
to yellow
to red
and i am stilled,
paralyzed,
fixated.

kdtaylor, 2008.
secton 8 publishing
all rights reserved.

2008-01-14

Not Hating on Dallas... They messed it up for EVERYONE!!!

Okay. I think perhaps most think I'm down on Tony Romo. I'm not. I've rooted for them all season, except of course when they were playing the Patriots. I hate the PERFECT SUPERBOWL PARTY will not happen. I was really hoping it would be a clash against the Patriots and the Cowgirls. What better way for the Patriots to end a perfect season with a win over America's so called team...











I think we can all agree on which leader stayed more focus during the season. And no, I'm not blaming it on one play, it was a T.O. tearfully explained, a team loss. And it sucks rocks big time.

2008-01-13

f'ing Romo.. a last minute f'up and a blonde. AGAIN

I was really hoping they could have made it to the SUPERBOWL... Maybe if he had stayed in Irving taking a few damn snaps, viewing games reels, and focusing, instead of partying in Cabo things would be so DIFFERENT tonight.

something i'm working on....

darkend magnolias
I want to swallow her darkness,
speak light into her existence
and remove the pain
from her quickened breaths.
place my feet in her tiny shoes,
and trace her footsteps,
BACKWARD.
revising her past
with each heavy thud.
snatch rotten apples
from her peach tree
and replace them with
cherry blossoms.
I want to sniff the gardenia
in her thoughts
and watch
her leave,
falling head over heels,
in greens,
browns,
and goals
in the fall of her life.

2008-01-12

2008-01-10

A little something I'm working on...

6th of the Month
I wish your father loved you more,
loved you enough to bow rain back
toward the future.
collapsing every prism that defies
light to become your rainbow.
loved you enough to
remove all the color and luster in your life
so that you can see things in black and white,
night and day,
right and wrong.
to know there is no such thing
as primary colored courage,
and that the cool of blue
combined with the cowardliness of yellow
would only create a vine of greened envy
who’s only goal was the
choke the life from your soul.

I wished he loved you enough
to swallow the tears he refused to shed
drown his incessant fears;
create a safe shore
distancing you from his sea of
inherited shame and pain.
loved you enough
to shower you in make believe
and distorted truths,
twisting and bending
your shallow existence
below his life’s surface.
A parallel existence where
your heart no longer
beats to satisfy his every whim.

loved you enough
to tell you that fairy tales don’t exist.
There are no fair maidens in the ghetto.
And the only place you’ll find fair
In it’s truest sense, is in the dictionary.
There are no knights to bestow
love and kindness upon you
and if you’re lucky,
you’ll find the one
that falls swiftly just before your death.

I just wish, I just wished he loved you enough.
so that when he said he’d take you places
God never dared…
that you’d had the
strength and fortitude to ask
who or what he believed in
because the god you know,
would never travel paths of broken glass,
and the backs of those he loved most.

to be continued....

2008-01-09

Thanks

01) she's growing past the pain..
02) Mae Lou (Mary Lou)
03) loving you like the very first time
04) the road trip to K'leen, it was good...
05) the boy child is back, dang I missed him!
06) visiting my nephew and sister on Saturday.
07) talking to my family
08) lunch with KA
09) you taking night time rides with me and Mae Lou
10) new poem
11) first 48 marathon
12) dressing like a grown up.
13) lunch at Mangia. missed you

bonus: keeping it (appropriately) moving with good orderly directions... give all thanks to the most high..

2008-01-03

HaPPy BirTHdAy DaD

Happy Birthday Dad!!!
Roy E. Elliott, Sr.

Grateful Resolve

01) watch my tongue, as it dictates my behavior.
02) listen even in silence.
03) make my actions louder than any word spoken.
04) make every interaction count.
05) keep my friends close.
06) not worry about my enemies, as they are potential friends.
07) say i love you more.
08) talk less.
09) write and memorize one poem monthly.
10) read more.
11) watch less reality television.
12) volunteer for something once a month.
13) follow G.O.D.

what do you resolve?

2008-01-01

crashing into the '08 Happy New Year....

December) surviving the crash with a broken nail, a headache, and a backache... Mary's totaled! As Langston said, "she gave her life to save yours." I realize the importance of naming cars, Mary was named after my Mom... so his statement meant so much more..

November) Anthony David and the Mahogany Affair, one hella Thanksgiving and my promotion!!!!

October) Jill Scott and the Baily's Get Together!!!! The return to Neo-Soul... and Neo Soul returning to it's roots!!!! Spit fire Neo!

September) Memories of those we lost.. My Grand, My Mom and Tweet! Thanks to you I learned a valuable lesson in forgiveness..

August) Nationals.. Good, Bad and Indifferent. It was a difficult period, but I got past the BS and did what I had to do... thanks to G.O.D. , an Angel W., and an Angel H.

July) a wedding of a lifetime and a month long Birthday Celebration...

June) my promotion!!!!

May) Slam Champ!!!! The Fellowship of the Wings... You don't know how much you helped me during that time....

April) texas relays!!!!!!! a Francis Tradition that I am happy to be a part of.. The picture we took and the pic-mail I sent you while you were at work.... HA.HAHAHA.

March) every day, every hour, every minute, every second... a learning experience..

February) a trying month, a trying time..

January) my birthday... 13 poets for 13! it was fanf'ingtastic...

thanks to all and for all who endured and indulged me, befriended and frenemied me in 2007... I wouldn't be the person I am today without ya...

Happy New Year.. Keeping It (Appropriately) Moving with Good Orderly Direction...